Death Destroyed
by gryffen1
Summary: After surviving a terrorist attack on deployment and being outcast by her colleagues, Sarah MacGregor is offered a job with a man whose life she saved under fire. She moves, and joins the 5-O family and is immediately under scrutiny when her past is thrown into the open and events out of her control threaten her life and sanity. My own character - my own plot - nothing else!
1. Chapter 1

**I screamed at them, ordered the whole unit to get to safety, they defied me and I'm the only one left now. **

Five days ago, while on a routine patrol in the 'Hell Zone', we were attacked by RPG fire in broad daylight, what made it worse is that we had no back up and our unit was seriously undermanned due to being a medical unit on a simple delivery run. Although I am a fully trained medic, today I was there as guard detail – a detail that would cost ten people their lives.

I lay in recovery after surgery to remove the fragments of shrapnel out of my back, I couldn't sleep, every time I closed my eyes there was images of my unit lying dead around me. They came to help get me out the way after an IED exploded and took out our vehicles engine; I honestly don't remember much, a fireball and then being blown across the road and into boulders. I lay there and watched as my unit was destroyed by snipers and RPG fire in the hills around us, I called for backup, and they sent an airstrike…

My eyes refocused as the door opened and in walked my Commanding Officer, I tried to move to my side, and he rushed over and stopped me.

"Easy, you know you shouldn't be moving around so much!"

"Sorry Sir, habit when a CO comes into the room!" I said wincing.

He laughed a little at the joke and sighed as he saw the broad laid bandages over my naked back; he could see some of the smaller scratches and wounds and had been notified of the extensive scarring I would probably have later on.

"You are being sent back to Bastion tonight with your unit, from there, you need to heal and recover, there is no inquiry into what happened, it was all caught on satellite, but the families want to speak to you."

"Understood Sir," I replied, gripping the bars on the bed as a shake went through my whole body.

I hadn't been using my morphine drip as requested by the doctors here, I don't like the feeling of being so calm. I'm a soldier, I've been taught how to control my reaction to pain, to suffering….'why am I slurring' I thought to myself?

I looked over and saw my CO had been hitting the morphine line button; he saw how much this hurt me and took it into his own hands to let me sleep. I fought it, every ounce of my being went into the fight, and I would NOT fall asleep.

I didn't sleep; I lay there, cocooned on a stretcher, strapped into a C17 cargo hold, with the bodies and remains of my whole unit. No-one else was there with us…so I screamed.

We landed.

They took me out first and then the bodies of my unit by procession, I lay on my stomach, still strapped in and staring at anything to keep my brain from waking up. I have bitten out my IV line, the drugs were making me fuzzy and I wanted to feel everything, to remember everything from today. To feel the pain of everyone in the camp that had lost someone under my command. To feel and hear all the accusations of those loved ones back home.

The medics came to remove me to the hospital again, I had refused to go back to the UK, knowing that I would get hammered with psychologist evaluations and would never be able to come back. So I took all my leave at Bastion, all my Physio recovery and none of my meds. Them I didn't need them; couldn't take them – I would do this with every single ounce of pain as atonement.

**Three months later**

Three months later after passing my refitness evaluation I was successfully cleared to go back to duty, but no-one would take me on in the units due to the wildfire rumours spread about my ability to command an active patrol without getting killed or injured.

"Sir, I was cleared of any wrong doing, this is impossible to work and will only cause problems for everyone….it's the last thing I would ever want!"

I stood in my CO's office at Bastion and shook with frustration that my name and training were now muck within these grounds, I was doomed to be a civil nurse if this was allowed to continue!

"I'm actually glad this has happened," he sighed.

I spun round, angry and ready to snap some comment back at him when he looked at me and I snapped to attention.

"Don't bother getting snide with me Corporal! Your name is muck here and no one wants you in their squad because of what happened. I have another offer for you. If you take this, you transfer to the US Forces in two years, move to Hawaii and work for an old friend – sunny climbs, good food and company" he said standing up.

"McGarrett?" I said winded by the offer.

He nodded in reply and came round to me with a folder and a small package that bore my name on it; I looked up at him and my shoulders relaxed slightly as I noticed the post date and markings.

"Why me, it's been a couple of years since…." I started.

My CO raised his hand and I stopped talking, I held the package tightly and listened to him once he let me get my head around things.

"He needs someone with your skill set and experience to work with his team. They are a special task force assigned to mainly work high end cases; this is a major opportunity for you, and he is really insisting you take it."

Taking the folder and package I opened it up and found a police badge, ID and car keys along with plane tickets for tomorrow from London. I looked up and nodded at my CO.

"At least this way Sir, it will save any discord among the troops."

He stood in front of me and gently took me by the shoulders, he knew my wounds were still raw and caused pain and he now had to say goodbye to one of his most experienced medical staff and combat technicians.

"You will be missed by many people Sarah, and I pray that you find some peace in Hawaii – don't let your badges get you down and I want constant updates where possible alright! Dismissed Corporal and good hunting!" he said saluting me.

Snapping to attention I saluted back and headed out the door, the company logistics officer called me over to hand another package to me.

"Your passport and driving licence, that's been upgraded, and all bank details for new accounts in Oahu. Money will be wired to your account by tomorrow night. Once you reach London, go to the flight desk and you will be given your belongings. All others will be transferred within a few days to address provided."

"Thank you Mike," I whispered back taking note of the details.

"Sarah, you will be missed by many people, but this is the fresh start and I really hope it brings some peace to you!"

Hugging him and a few other people in the area, I headed off to wash, change and catch the connecting flight to Heathrow in London later that afternoon.


	2. Chapter 2

**Three days later**

Walking through customs and checking in my gear via the 'USAF Desk', I was handed my licences back and a formal Hawaiian welcome to the Island, thanking them I headed towards the car park that was several floors above me. Looking at the keys I had been given, the markings showed a Chevrolet and the plate details for my new car; looking around at the signs I saw the USAF had a secure parking unit to use and I headed over towards the guards.

"Yes Ma'am, can I help you with something?" the sentry inquired.

I handed him my keys and passport as ID, a quick check and he nodded.

"Thank you Corporal McGregor. First left at the yellow post then sixth car down."

Nodding in thanks I walked to my car and whistled at the sleek acid green machine parked up in the bay. Walking round it I grinned at the note on the windshield.

_'Please don't break me!'_

Chucking my stuff in the back seat, I reversed out the car space and past the sentry unit on patrol, climbing the ramp out of the car park, I clicked on the satnav, punching in the address I noted the route and headed off down the motorway.

Twenty minutes later I was parked in front of the State Palace, police walked about the place and mingled with the public, it was very peaceful and the view into the pacific was breath-taking. Grabbing my gear I headed towards the main entrance where I was stopped and searched, handing over my documents I was given directions to the main offices of the task force and who to report to. Heading up the stairs I saw the place was one full level, very modern and mainly glass, the place was empty and I found the main office that I was directed too and sat down at the table.

I looked around at the photos on the wall, all of the team, friends, family and those officers who had gone above and beyond and paid with their lives, I turned around as I heard a noise from along the corridor, standing up I turned around to be faced with a very surprised man.

"Can I help you?" asked the man, dressed in jeans and a Hawaiian shirt.

"I'm looking for Steve McGarrett, he should be expecting me," I replied hoarsely.

"He's on case at the moment and won't be back for an hour, can I get him to give you a call when he comes back?"

I shook my head and handed him my ID and licence.

"Corporal McGregor, I'm Lt. Chin Ho Kelly, pleasure to meet you finally, heard a lot about you!" he said smiling and handing my documents back.

"Nice to meet you Lieutenant; always good to put a face to the name!"

"Let me give Steve a call, he asked us to let him know when you arrived…."

I held up my hand to him and shook my head.

"It's ok, I need to relax a bit so I'm going to the gym, can I leave my gear here?"

"Of course, Gym code is 356987. Towels are at the back!"

I had got to the gym and fell in love with the old fashioned feel of the place. Boxing mats, ropes, bags hanging from the ceiling and a few machines, I wrapped my hands in my old spar gloves that I wore under my boxing gloves back home, but I wasn't planning to spar with anyone so I just went at it with the bags.

Every punch was directed at a masked face, every slice of pain across my knuckles was atonement for the death of my unit, how many would I have to keep doing to at least be able to breathe properly when I heard a really loud noise or saw the deep ochre of desert sand. Harder I hit the bag, I could feel the skin on my knuckles tear and the blood flow, harder I hit the bag and the worse the pain became. Ever since I had seen the whip scars on my back I never wore backless tops or dresses – the scaring was brutal from the IED bomb and the whipping they had meted out once they realised I was a woman, just before the air strike….I never wanted anyone to see my back.

I punched again in sheer anger and missed the bag, my hand went straight through the old rag and into solid wood behind the panel, my hand was on fire and the pain going up my arm drove me to my knees; the scream of pain had stopped in my throat and drove the air out of my lungs. Cradling my hand against my chest I fought the urge to cry out. Another gym user had seen what had happened and was coming over with an ice pack, in a moment of sheer anger at myself I kicked the bag and it smashed into the panel behind it, sheering off some of the wood; the other man just stood there dumbstruck as I walked off.

After a cooling shower and painkillers I redressed into combats and top and headed back up to the office, still no one was here and I walked in to find my bag still in place, clipping on my shield and weapon, I turned to see people coming into the area. I stood back against the cabinet and waited on him entering his office, he took off his top and reached into his desk to get a fresh top and clean up a bit.

"I believe this is how we met the first time Commander, you topless and sweaty!" I said straight faced.

Another male had come into the office with him and stood staring at me like I was a statue, Steve's face went blank and then lit up like Christmas as he recognised me.

"Sarah!" he said hugging me tightly and spinning me around.

"Hiya BigYin!" I said happily laughing.

"Okay kids…..take it you know each other?" the other man said going red.

Steve put me down and I punched his shoulder gently as he laughed aloud.

"Danny this is our new recruit Corporal Sarah McGregor, she's transferred from Bastion and, well….I will let her do the talking about it!"

"Nice to meet you Danny, and yes we know each other, has been a couple of years since we have seen each other though." I replied.

"Too long Sarah, I'm glad you agreed to do this, I understand it was a huge move for you?" he said appraisingly.

I looked up at him with cool clear eyes and shook my head.

"No, not really. No one to miss me. No one to want me."

Danny and Steve looked at me as I smiled.


	3. Chapter 3

Over the rest of the day I met the rest of the team, got acquainted with the area and local issues of the week, I wouldn't officially start work until tomorrow, but the guys wanted to take me out and get to know me a little better tonight. I was staying with Steve until the house I had been assigned by the USAF was cleared and fumigated, roughly a week or so until that was ready; Steve had free time this afternoon so he was heading to the beach to surf, he invited everyone along and I came to mind the seats. He knew something was up when I refused to go swimming; he knew I was a trained rescue diver and loved the ocean. While they surfed I sat down on the chairs above the sand level on the tarmac, my mind screamed when I even thought about touching the sand. Taking a deep breath to calm the urge to run away, I watched them ride the crests of the waves, my whole body itched to be with them in the water, but my body just refused…it was killing me…..I can't tell anyone without risking my career and freedom…..not even Steve!

An hour or so later I had water for them all and was reading the newspaper when Steve joined me on the park bench, handing him a water bottle he looked at me and noticed I was always using my right hand; while passing him another towel he grabbed my left hand and tried opening it. I whimpered loudly enough that he loosened his grip and turned my hand over and noticed the deep bruising and lacerations to my knuckles.

"What have you done to your hand?" he demanded rolling up the loose sleeve.

"I was boxing earlier in the gym, bag got away from me and I punched the panelling behind it, no biggy, nothing stopping me from working, just a few layers of skin loose and a banged up knuckle." I replied.

He looked over it closely and frowned as he saw the deep bruising across my knuckles, he knew it was broken by the click it made as he pressed gently.

"This is a double hairline fracture of your knuckles, your skins raw as hell and it looks like it has been bleeding a lot – did your gloves burst during the hit?" he demanded.

Holding up my hand I peeled back the loose skin and chucked some water on it, lay the skin back over the knuckles and then clicked my knuckles for the joints to pop into place. We hadn't seen Danny appear behind me and he stared aghast at my hand.

"Ow, Sarah…that needs seen too!" he said grimacing.

"Its fine Danny, had worse….no need for the mollycoddling!" I replied back.

Steve realised that I hadn't answered his question about my gloves in the gym and put two and two together, I wasn't wearing proper protection!

"You were boxing without gloves, with those bags in our gym?" Steve accused me, glaring at my turned away face.

Turning around to him again I glared and stood up, leaning against the fence, I really wasn't in the mood for a lecturer!

"Technically I wasn't boxing, I was letting off steam in this tropical paradise on speed, while waiting on you coming back to the office, Chin said I could keep my gear in your office and showed me the layout of the place." I replied hotly.

Sitting up I rolled down my sleeve and grabbed a bandage from my bag. Wrapping my hand up I flexed it and dropped some painkillers. Steve glared at the pillbox and then at me.

"Morphine, your taking morphine….how the hell did you get morphine with being on the island only 5 hours? And why the hell morphine for a cracked knuckle?" he said checking the dosage on the bottle.

"I'm a medic Steve; I prescribe by licence, collect when required and take as recommended. No harm. No foul!" I retorted angrily.

Walking off towards the main police HQ again, Steve and Danny looked at each other and winced, they had just introduced O'ahu to a Scottish temper!

"You my friend had better make nice with her, you've gone big brother mode on her and I doubt she needed scolded. What did she do anyway?" Danny said as he watched me walking away.

"She missed the punch bag and hit the panelling behind the shield, she also lied to us about the morphine; all her meds would have been destroyed before coming across the ocean by the USAF doctors."

"Why would she lie to us? What could she gain by hiding anything to do with that?" he inquired.

"I don't know Danny; this isn't the same Sarah McGregor I know. I know it was a couple of years since we've seen each other, and under worse situations, but she has really been changed."

"Why does my dad senses tell me this is going to end badly for her? Did you date or have a fling or something? Is that how you know each other?"

"More of a double crush we had for each other – regulations got in the way through and we got split up." He replied gently.

Danny looked up at his partner and frowned at his expression.

"Well my friend – time to get back into the game! Did you meet her in the UK?" Danno replied.

Steve looks at him and shakes his head before pulling a top on.

"No. We met under fire in Iraq where she had to pull a bullet out my back while under Evac, the bullet could have paralysed me if she miscalculated the procedure, I trust her fully, will protect her like I would all of you, but something has happened to change her." He whispered.

Danny looked up and him and sighed.

"Well, it's rumoured she was in a situation with a unit in Iraq, maybe contacting her CO is a good idea, get his opinion?" Danny suggested while watching me enter the building ahead.

Steve looked at him and raised his eyebrow; Danny shrugged and passed him his phone with a message from Joe White regarding me.

"Had to check my friend, Joe says it's some serious crap that went down involving a rescue. He says to call if you need help or information."

"Yeah, that's the plan Danny," whispered Steve.


	4. Chapter 4

Later that evening I was sitting in the room set aside for me by Steve while he had gone for a run before we headed out, I headed downstairs and found his dad's old piano in the drawing room and after a quick tune up, I sat down and started to play a favourite song. Thankfully I had a good voice and was a decent player and started to sing along to Evanescence, I wrapped myself in the music, relaxing my chest muscles and feeling the strain go out of the scars in my back that always tightened up when I was angry. The music flowed through the house and I was unaware of anything else for the next couple of minutes. It was really the only time I could relax, listening to music, getting the emotional baggage off my shoulders and blowing off the stress…..

"That was amazing Sarah!" said a voice behind me.

Spinning around in the chair I faced Kono and went red, she stood forward and I stood up and came around from the piano; she had her phone out and I could see she was still on a call.

"The caller is going to be pissed that you're talking to me and not them…and the music is nothing, just a little stress relief." I replied nodding to her phone.

"It's Steve, he's going to meet us at the beach bar….." she started.

The glass of water I had been holding suddenly smashed against the wall the second I heard the word 'beach' and I stared at the broken glass, blood and spilt water on the wall. Kono mobilised immediately and grabbed a cloth for my hand. I could hear the person on the phone shout for Kono to find out what had happened. I stared at my hand; I didn't even know what I had done?

"Kono, I'm not really great for tonight….maybe I shouldn't spoil your evening…." I said wincing at the glass sticking in my hand.

"Don't be silly, why you smash the glass Sarah?" she replied calmly.

"Twitchy reflexes probably, you get them playing the piano," I replied quickly.

Both of us turned around at the tire squeals on the tarmac and the sound of running up the gravel driveway, suddenly Steve came running into the house and stared at us both; he immediately clocked the blood over my shirt and arms and came over to check the wounds, pulling me into him and checking my pulse since the wrist wound was an open bleeder.

"That's two injuries in one day Sarah, what the hell's got into you? We need to get you to the hospital." He said tourniqueting my wrist since it was slashed by the glass.

He barely laid his hand on my back and I spun round and went rigid, shaking him off and ran upstairs, Kono looked at Steve and shook her head.

"She was fine when I came in, better than fine as she was singing and playing the piano to the radio, I mentioned to her we would meet you at the beach bar and next thing was the glass was smashed and she went white as a ghost and her eyes. Something is wrong, do you know what, and did the call get through to Bastion?" Kono replied concerned.

"I'm waiting on the call later tonight due to time zones. I'll get her sorted then meet you at the beach bar. Hopefully she might come clean about a few things once relaxed enough." He replied all his senses heightened.

"Do you think it's a good idea for her to be coming tonight? No offence Steve but she is really rattled about something and the way she reacted to the message from you…." Kono started.

"Probably not, but I can't leave her alone if she needs help. I'm hoping this isn't what I think it is, if so, her old CO has a lot of explaining to do!" he continued.

An hour later after arguing I didn't need to go to the hospital, I had been dragged out the house and driven to the ER and was having my knuckles and hand x-rayed and glass pulled out of my hand and wrist stitched back up. The doctors had taken blood, probably thought I was a suicide attempt due to the injury. While I sat and handed the tools to the doctor, Steve was called out the room.

He walked along the corridor towards the small doctor's room and took the clipboard from the surgeon; looking over it he winced and looked up as the doctor began discussing the findings.

"There are lots of medications in her system, antibiotics, painkillers – too many different kinds for her injuries, and anti-rejection meds too. Her blood work is a serious mess and I'm not surprised she is having difficulties controlling her temper as it's a side effect of insomnia mixed with the meds." He informed Steve quietly.

Steve just looked at him confused and then at the screen holding all the information available since the request to transfer arrived.

"Doc, I've only seen her take one morphine tablet today and I checked her bags and the only thing in it was vitamins, surely for a few scrapped knuckles that are okay. Sleep I can't say anything about as she just arrived today from the UK, Jet lag is a possibility." Steve replied.

The doctor shook his head and motioned to the computer screen, typing up a command he brought my medical file and motioned towards the medications that weren't healthcare prescribed.

"She has a serious problem, part of her medical file is still missing from the USAF, but she has been transferred to the USAMH for specialised treatment as requested by her CO in Bastion. That is protocol for people with serious injuries in combat; are you aware of anything I should be made aware of, these tests have given me the right to keep her under a mental health section."

Steve looked horrified and shook his head. He explained he was aware something had happened but wanted this controlled by him, and agreed if it went too far then he would bring me back under controlled sedation and act as my guardian.

By the time he and the doctor arrived back I was all sorted and ready for a beer since they had been a bit stingy with the pain relief, getting off the stretcher I wobbled and stretched my shoulders out. Heading out towards the car I saw the clock and saw it was still early for meeting up at the bar.

"Drop me at home Steven, I'm going to crash on the couch tonight, kind of ruined your night anyhow." I said gasping slightly over a rough patch on the road.

He kept his eyes on the road and then handed me a bag with a clean change of clothes for me and drove onto the highway. I stared at him and then sighed.

"I'm not really in the mood to go out tonight McGarrett, you got your way with the hospital but unless it's a free bar I'm going to crash on the couch." I said as I stared out the window.

Suddenly he pulled into the hard shoulder and turned to face me, he was seriously pissed off and to be honest so was I! Staring at him full in the eyes I saw he was not going to budge a damn inch.

"Let me tell you something! You have been on this island for little over 12 hours now. You haven't yawned, eaten or even relaxed apart from when Kono says you were playing the piano. The doctor took blood on my request….."

"You requested him to take blood….what for?" I demanded incensed.

"To find out why you have been acting oddly. Do you want to start explaining the multiple painkillers in your system?" he demanded.

"Hurt hand Steve, Diclofenac, paracetamol and Ibuprofen are not illegal and the perfect remedy to solve the issue." I said back seething.

"And the morphine, Ketamine, Codeine….hell even the cannabis?" he shouted.

"Not your concern Commander, how I deal with pain is my affair and not yours!" I shouted back getting out of the car and heading along the hard shoulder.

I could hear Steve mutter something and follow me out along the road, he grabbed my elbow and spun me around to face him; he was seriously pissed off, near enough the same as me and all I really wanted to do was kick him hard where it would do him some good…..

He grabbed me again by both elbows and pulled me into his body, giving me shelter from the other drivers going past us, I laxed slightly into his hold and prepared to run if needed, disable if necessary. He looked me straight in the eyes and shook me slightly, I looked up and saw his concern.

"You need to come clean Sarah, we need you here…I need you here! Your medical records are sealed…what happened during that mission that you're not telling us…does your CO even know what really happened? Your health is in serious risk if this behaviour continues and I don't want you hurt!"

His honesty ripped a hole through the barriers around my heart and I gasped very quietly, he caught the small noise and held me tighter, knowing I could run and possibly get injured if I went the wrong way.

"I'm dealing with it….it complicated and personal….you understands what it's like to be SEAL….the team loyalty…." I started then stopped suddenly.

His frown deepens and I see a wave of fear go across his eyes, he must suspect something?

"SEAL? Team loyalty? What the hell were you involved in overseas?" he demanded.

Typical timing and his phone went off with Danny calling to find out where we were, we would be five minutes and to get a jug of water for us both, he glared me down badly when I demanded a beer instead and I sulked in the seat once I was dragged back to the car. Arriving at the beach bar I sighed, took a deep breath, kicked him in the shin and walked off towards the rest of the team.

"HEY! There she is, how's the hand?" asked Kono and Chin.

"Oh alright, bad reflexed to knuckle injury, a couple of stitches no big issues! How's the beer here?" I asked eyeing up the bottles collected in the ice bucket.

"You'll just have to find out in a week or so, no alcohol for you!" said a very annoyed McGarrett.

Danny just sat back and stared at me and McGarrett, he knew something was up….damn it!

Staring at him I snatched my glass of water instead and toasted the group's health and success, we all got talking about how everyone met, developed the team and some of the choicer memories of past cases. When Chin asked how we had met, it was me who swooped in and explained before Steve could censor what came out.

"Oh it was roughly four years ago, southern Iraq, I had just qualified as a medic and was given the honour of pulling out a bullet out this asshats back, he got himself shot; think the navy forgot to teach him how to duck with a big head! So, I had the great delight at pulling his ass out of the firing zone and making sure his 'parts' still worked once the slug was out. Think that covers it Steve don't you?" I said smirking.

He glared at me from across the table and his knuckles went white against the surface.

The cousins could sense the anger between us and said nothing while Danny choked on his beer and coughed.

"Oh Steve, this one is a keeper…..she called you an asshat!" Danny laughed.

"I heard, and it was her ONE free pass, don't forget I'm your boss McGregor! And I can make your life hell." He said through clenched teeth.

Standing up, I grabbed a couple of beers and leaned over him.

"You already did….the damn day I met you and every day after for the choice I made after the talks we had…..so go to hell and shove your job up your ass if your head can make space!"

Storming off, I barely noticed that the table was silent, along with a portion of the bar, Danny looked at Steve and he shook his head, basically telling him that he would explain later if needed.

"Now would be a good time to contact Joe and her old commanding officer, cause she is becoming erratic and very temperamental; I've seen these symptoms before in cops," he whispered to Steve.

"Yeah, me too in SEALS." He replied dialling his phone.


	5. Chapter 5

Sitting on the side of the road beside the car, I drank the beers and calmed the anger down that was built up in my chest, after a few moments I then jumped a taxi to a local shop and then back to the house to relax; my muscles were sore, my hand hurt and my heart was breaking with the argument we just had, and the fact it was very public. What the hell was wrong with me, hell I knew what was partially the cause, but damn it he had no right to investigate my medical file…..I'm not a junkie on meth or heroin!

Grabbing a bottle opener I climbed the wall outside and onto the roof decking that had a couple of seats on it to stargaze, curling up on the seat I popped a few painkillers and then downed them with several beers…..not the wisest choice but with both kinds of pain, a good mixture for me, and one of my remedies for when it gets too much. A few hours later, after numerous missed calls, text messages and voicemails, I lay on the chair wide awake; still doing my painkillers/beer mix every hour to numb everything out and enjoying the vodka I had bought as well. It was coming onto dawn now and I was still feeling like shit, still sore, unable to close my eyes, get past the horror I keep seeing every time I blink, or lose concentration. I tried getting up but the alcohol had taken effect and my lower limbs were useless. My phone rang again, I clicked connect for a giggle and listened.

"What's up Dannio?" I slurred.

I could hear a thankful sigh as he hit the loudspeaker button and I could hear the car rev up along the road.

"Sarah, please where are you?" he asked.

"Is Asshat with you?" I slurred down the phone.

"Yes I'm here Sarah. Please, where are you? Are you alright?" he insisted.

"Yes I'm fine. No need to worry or call in the militia, I'm back home, all safe!" I replied trying not to slur or spill any alcohol on me or the chair.

"Stay put, were coming to you okay." Steve shouted the phone and clicked off.

Danny shut his phone off and looked at Steve.

"She is drunk as a skunk, possibly under the influence of meds and has worse bipolar than that female singer….what the hell is the army thinking of sending her over so soon?" Danny demanded angrily.

"My guess she has sporadic attacks caused by something she comes into contact with, what I don't know. Joe is looking into details for me." He replied hammering on the accelerator.

_'Shit!' I thought to myself…I'm a mess….time to get up!_

Chucking the bottles away from the house into the woods was easy, trying to sober myself up was another matter, and getting down from the roof is near impossible. Leaning back into the chair I decided to just let it bring the storm and enjoy the early morning rain, the rain felt good against my skin, cooling, fresh and cleansing – that was until a huge rumble of thunder hit the mountains in the distance and I found myself back in hell. Gripping the chair arms I breathed through the onslaught of memories from a rainstorm in Iraq, the last one with my team before that mission that killed them.

The whole team had been called to order, briefed and enjoyed a game of basketball, we were due to leave in an hour or so and I had reorganised all my kit to ensure nothing was missing. I could hear a few of the guys talk about what we were to do, and if it was wise I came along? The guys were worried I couldn't handle the call if it needed to be made, I was only a Corporal, but had retrained as a solider through the RAMC and cleared my training. The next memory I had was of hooded men grabbing me, blinding pain, flashes of torches and cold steel against my skin, men shouting and screaming; the call I made for air support.

I slid off my chair and landed on the decking, clenching my eyes shut, I shut down and clenched down the urge to scream as the memory continued in real time – I was stuck in a loop – and it just got faster and faster.

Steve and Danny had been silent after the call to Joe and too shocked after the one from my old CO in Bastion. He had explained what had happened, the mission details, the order I had to make, who I had lost on the mission. Why the meds that had been discontinued due to me not taking them and then the issue with me being unable to sleep while I recovered. He had assured he had seen me sleep myself, but with the current issue at hand he even doubted it and had done a CCTV check and saw I was awake every night without fail. This he had passed to Danny and Steve and requested them to control the situation before damage became irreparable.

Slamming into high gear he screeched along the road and stopped outside the house, no lights were on but they knew I was here somewhere; after a full on check of the rooms and garage they heard a noise and then a scream.

"Oh god, she's on the roof!" Danny whispered.

Both of them jumped to the attic and climbed the ladder to find me wide eyed and lying on my stomach, holding onto the platform as my life depended on it as my body was forced through hell. Danny ran to pull over the awning cover and Steve knelt beside me and covered my back, trying to control the shaking coming over me.

"Steve what the hell is going on? What did you find out you aren't telling me!" Danny demanded as he got the awning covering over us all and grabbed a pillow for my head as I started to convulse.

"Danny, I will explain everything to you, please help me get her in the house and warmed up, then call Max and tell him I need his medical help here without it on file!"

Picking me up put me over his shoulder and took me down the ladder and stairs and into the shower to warm up while Danny called Max, I had started to wake up as the hot water hit me and fought against Steve as he rubbed my cold skin to get warm.

"Easy Sarah, you're freezing cold and in shock…..I'm just trying to get you warm enough!" he whispered holding me tight.

"Let me go, I can do it myself….you can't see it…." I whispered against his chest.

"You shouldn't be alone, you had a seizure of some kind, and Max is on his way over to check you out. You scared the hell out of us, out of me…..what were you thinking….why didn't you tell me you were injured in combat?"

"Let me shower Steve, please….you can't see me like this….no one should!"

The door opened a little more and Kono walked in.

"Will you allow me to help you Sarah?" she asked gently.

I nodded and I could feel Steve sigh and hug me closer to him while holding me against his chest.

"Kono, last bedroom on the left, clothes in the duffle bag."

She nodded and headed off to get the gear and more warmed towels from the closet, I leaned into Steve for a moment as a tremor went through me and he took us both to the shower floor; he held me tighter as I clung onto him for dear life as the memories just kept coming and I bit back scream after scream.

"Sarah, I am so sorry….why didn't you tell me it was this bad?" he whispered to me a few moments later as I lay limp in his arms after being violently sick.

He stroked back my hair and held me against his chest, still holding my hands and letting me rest, his arms around me tightly to make sure I couldn't run when the pain came back.

"No one knows, no one was meant to find out." I whispered as the door cracked open again with Kono and Max.

"Steve, let me get her cleaned up and then settled. Go talk to Max and Danny, Chin has just arrived downstairs." She said kindly.

He waited for me to nod and then quickly splashed himself and headed off to dry and change into some clean clothes.

Twenty minutes later she headed downstairs and saw everyone talking, they stopped immediately once Kono had appeared.

"She had another seizure Steve, help me get her into bed; Max, she really needs help, with more than nightmares!" she said gently, looking really pale.

Steve stood up and followed her up the stairs, Kono turned around and stopped him before he went in.

"It's obvious that you have feelings for her, probably from back when you first met her on deployment, you of all understand the damage a trauma can cause in the mind…remember that if she lets you see the damage it cost her to save people's lives." She whispered.

I was lying on the floor against the radiator trying not to shiver so much, even with dry clothes on, dry hair and thermals on over my feet I was freezing cold. He immediately noticed that I had a sleeveless top on and saw my shoulders covered by a blanket. He knelt down in front of me and took my hands, he saw how innocent and young I actually was then and looked guilty; I squeezed his hand and pulled him closer as he knelt down on the floor.

"Let's get you into the warm bed, Max wants to check you out, and he will send you to the hospital if required." He said gently as he picked me up and carried me to the bedroom past Danny and Max.


	6. Chapter 6

Half an hour later Max came back out the room and both Steve and Danny noticed the pained look on Max's face and the minor redecorating he had done in the room beside the bed.

"It's PTSD, that's what is causing her so many problems?" Danny asked.

"Yes. A particular violent memory is the root cause of her problems. From what you tell me of her, she is a healer, a strong willed woman who would not knowing mix alcohol and strong painkillers together but here she is with exactly that in her body. Her wounds will heal and I have treated the mix of drugs and alcohol in her system, but she needs monitored during the day; I will come back later this afternoon to change her dressings and administer. I believe you have field medic training Commander, basic care and IV change as written down beside her bed."

Steve had bent over and closed his eyes at the news, he already knew, but needed it confirmed to make it real and the fight to begin – Joe's Intel had been quick and accurate – he was even shocked to hear about the injuries induced.

Max turned to them both and handed Steve a bag of meds for the day.

"Steve, her injury is a massive trauma to her back due to shrapnel from an IED explosion and a severe beating with what appears to be a cane, some of the damage has caused extensive scaring on her body. That is my diagnosis of what is causing her PTSD to become so violent in her."

"She was tortured? I thought the British didn't allow females on the line?" Danny said looking at Steve who was standing as if in shock.

Max nodded and respectfully gave Steve a moment to relax his breathing.

"Yes she was tortured quite brutally. I have provided her with meds for tonight to ease her way through anything, all of them are clearly marked and labelled; as for frontline duties, medics are exempt from that order in emergencies but whatever happened was bad." He replied.

Steve was pacing the corridor at this point and trying to control himself, Danny knew immediately that for some reason he was blaming himself for my actions on deployment – Danny was wondering what exactly was between us now?

"Thank you Max," Danny said seeing him out the house and then joining Steve again outside of the room.

He was pacing, rubbing his hands through his hair and breathing out to stop the anger taking over, he had just found out what had happened to me through unclear channels, I could hear him pacing back and forth. My chest was hurting knowing that I was causing everyone in the team issues they didn't need or want. Danny grabbed McGarrett and stopped him; he pointed to the door and then took a breather.

"Go get your girl Steve, but call immediately if you need anything!"

Taking a deep breath, Steve walked in and internally crumpled as he saw me in the bed on my side. My whole back was exposed and the whipping and shrapnel wounds were clear to see, they were both still a dull red and very noticeable on my now tanned skin.

Danny had followed him in partially and saw my back; even he stopped dead in his tracks. Coming too, he closed the door after leaving the room. Steve, I could feel him looking at my back, he stepped forward and around the bed to face me, half expecting me to be sound asleep. I wasn't.

"Hey, why are you still awake, you should try and sleep," he whispered brushing a loose hair off my face.

"I am so sorry, I am not worth this much hassle in your life….once I'm able I will go back to Bastion." I replied crying.

"No, you're not leaving me again Sarah! We….I can't lose you again!" he whispered as he climbed behind me on the bed and pulled me close.

"You were right, I was an asshat towards you, but I realised something was wrong almost immediately…how? Because I care, and your whole body language was screaming at me to help you out; so you don't get to quit on us either….I will get you through this!" he replied gently.

He kissed my forehead and pulled me closer to him with the covers and just held me through everything that day, only leaving me to use the bathroom or change the IV bags Max left for me.

By the time dusk had fallen we were both exhausted but unable to sleep, unable to leave each other in case my nightmares came back to claim me, Max came in and set up a morphine/sedative line with pump in my arm. After a couple more blood samples taken he left me to read and headed down with Steve. He looked exhausted and pained, clear to Danny and Max.

"Has she managed to eat anything today?" he inquired marking more notes down on the board.

"No. She's drunk about a litre of water and had all the IV fluids, but she is still pretty weak. She still can't sleep, she hasn't for a long time." He replied.

"She hasn't slept since the attack to be precise, that's over two months ago according to her medical file and the PTSD soon crept up on her about a week on returning to Bastion. Essentially, her brain is rewired to bypass the sleep to stop the dreams; the sedative in the pump will help her though the night, but it's incredibly powerful and should only be used four times within 12 hours." He replied, confirming what Steve had been suspecting.

"I can have a colleague come and watch her tonight Commander if you have plans?" Max offered pulling out his cell phone.

"No, thanks Max, this is something that I will do. Its personal for us both." He replied.

"Then can I advise to get some food, get a shower and settle for tonight, the last of her meds will be leaving her system and she is going into withdrawal. This will be the toughest night for you both. Call me immediately if required."

Steve nodded and headed to get some food and more water for the bedroom, after a quick update to everyone he signed off and headed upstairs again to find me coming out the bathroom. He picked me up and headed into the bedroom and tucked me back in before pulling off his shoes and changing the IV again.

"Is it going to be tonight Steve?" I whispered my throat still raw from the screaming earlier on during the afternoon.

"He thinks so. Your blood work is showing the signs of withdrawal, that's why he set up the IV pump for you to use. He says you'll know when to use it."

Nodding I let him do as he had to then leave the room for a moment. Coming back in, he had changed into long shorts, t-shirt and climbed back onto the bed again, he stroked my shoulder blade and collar bone, his eyes asking to go lower down my back. Relaxing my shoulders I pulled off my top and let him see the full extent of my injuries.

From the top of my shoulders to my hips was dotted with shrapnel marks, undercrossed with long, wide wounds of the cane they used to whip my back. Several had cut deep and crisscrossed my spine nearly to the bone…those are the ones that I could still feel if my back was touched.

"How did you survive these? Sarah forgive me – I should never have pushed you to get your advanced training – these are my fault!" he whispered.

I could feel his fingertips running across each of the wound on my back, he couldn't see the lower one that nearly wrapped itself around my lower back and waist; his touch relaxed me somehow and I found my voice again.

"These are not your fault, but are mine and I need to learn to control my temper. That's how they found out I was female, my temper flared as I tried to save another woman from being stoned….they whipped me after reopening my wounds….it was 3 days after the airstrike that I was found in the desert beside my squad again, half naked, burnt and dying." I replied.

I could feel the tension coming from Steve and he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into his chest to keep warm, we hadn't cuddled like this since I transported him by Medevac when he was injured – this time it was just reversed places. I could feel myself becoming drowsy, turning around, thankful for the bikini top Kono found. Steve had the drip pump in his hand and hit it a second time, before I could pull out the clip in my hand….I was passed out in his arms.

"Sleep, were here and not leaving," he whispered to me.


	7. Chapter 7

I woke up around 3am, the burning around my stomach and chest was unreal, the nausea and headache was expected due to the withdrawal…..I needed to get up; Steve was still facing me but sound asleep since he had been up over 48 hours with me at work and here. Sliding out from under his arm, I staggered along the corridor and headed to the bathroom, I decided on a hot shower, ease my muscles up a bit and as I turned towards the mirror on the other wall I was faced by myself, but how I looked during the mission. Closing my eyes, I took a deep breath and ran the shower to get it up to temperature. Steve had super glued the IV line into my hand, grabbing the acetone from under the sink I got rid of most of it and ripped it out of my hand. Breathing deeply I looked back into the mirror and nearly screamed as I saw my dead team stand behind me, staring at me with loathing. Grabbing the sink for support, I shut my eyes again and breathed through it….

"It is not real, it is in my head. They are dead because of the Taliban, not because of me. I did everything I could," I whispered before the tears ran down my face and I slumped onto the floor.

Pulling my knees to my chest I crawled into the corner and screamed into a towel hoping to anyone that Steve wouldn't see me go to pieces in the house, I crawled over and locked the door, shoving a towel over the space at the bottom to muffle any sounds coming from me. Breathing deeply I tried to calm my mind, images of everything in Iraq came forward and I just bit harder into the towel as I relieved every moment. I knew the next part was the worst, the bit hardest not to scream out in; so lying on my side I grabbed the pipe and used it to focus my anger on….it started as it usually does…playing basketball….then chaos, pain, weapons fire…..I screamed as I felt the cane across my back.

Steve sat up immediately and looked beside himself in the bed; half yelling he ran for the other rooms and noticed the steam coming from the bathroom.

"Sarah! Let me in…..come on, let me in!" he demanded hammering on the door.

I couldn't move. It felt like my spine was on fire again, just like before….I was frozen in place on the bottom of the shower, I heard the door slam open and breathed out as he knelt beside me, brushed my wet hair out my face. His eyes were wild as he looked at me on the floor, unable to move, still gripping the pipe to hold onto sanity.

"Sarah, come on, this is too much for you to handle, talk to me….what do you need?" he demanded.

"It won't stop, why won't it stop?" whimpered as he checked me over and pulled me into his arms again.

He had his phone with him and was dialling a number; I lay between his knees and heard he was talking to Max again, he was describing what had happened and was swearing when he heard what Max ordered. Picking me up he headed back to the bedroom and put me on the bed before starting to dry me and put me into fresh dry clothes. I knew Max had ordered him to take me to the hospital. This was it. I was losing my job. Getting wrapped in a blanket, Steve picked me up again and running down stairs he got us into the car that was waiting downstairs with Danny at the wheel.

"Thanks Danny, get us there quickly!" he whispered while holding onto me.

I had started to shake uncontrollably once dried and couldn't stop again, Steve had injected me with Midazolam to stop another seizure from the withdrawal, but it wasn't working right due to the other drugs coming out of my system.

"Come on Sarah. Whatever happened over there was horrific I know, but you are a hell of a lot stronger than it. Your grandfather was a marine, your father was a marine….his daughter is a soldier of great respect and I sure as hell am not losing you to those scumbags. FIGHT!" he demanded shaking me.

I gasped aloud and tears rolled down my face, he had brought me out of the blackout the PTSD had put me into; why the hell was I in the car? Looking about I saw Danny driving like fury down the freeway and Steve staring at me, his eyes wild with worry. Reaching up to touch his face, he grabbed my hand and placed it over his heart.

"Why am I in the car? What happened? Why are you crying?" I whispered.

He looked at me and sighed, pulling me closer in his arms with the blankets tight around me.

"I think you just had a blackout, don't you remember getting out of bed and locking yourself into the bathroom? I had to break the door down to get you out and you were screaming, Max is meeting us here with a private room to get you settled. I'm not leaving you alone until this has been resolved."

Leaning my head against his chest I sighed and let myself cry. I didn't mean to put so much worry and pain on him or the team, I knew PTSD was insidious, but I thought this had been dealt with through the health checks and psych evaluations at Bastion. A few minutes later we pulled up in front of the hospital and met up with Max who immediately ran over to the car with a gurney that Steve refused and carried me in himself to one of the ER bays. Two nurses who had joined Max asked no questions and followed Max's instructions immediately by checking my Obs and getting some blood samples before he set up another couple of IV bags to a new cannula in my hand.

Danny and Steve stood in the corner watching as they checked me over, Steve was bent over grasping his knees and breathing deeply, Danny was calling people and getting cover for what was needed. Max came around to my hand with the IV and smiled at me.

"This is Clomazapime; it's a onetime deal to help you settle till later on okay. We know you're fighting something, my guess something is not making sense from the memory that is plaguing your dreams. Tell Commander McGarrett, I'm giving you that chance before I have to call time on you okay."

Breathing deeply I nodded and looked over at Steve who was talking to Max, Danny came over and took my hand and sat beside me on the bed.

"Hey kiddo, you need to stop scaring the shit out of my partner, its aging him and we need his ass to keep fighting for you. You know, so we can watch you call him an 'asshat' again!" he said smiling.

"Sure boss, I'll work on it okay. I'm so sorry about all this…..I don't understand why this is happening again?" I started before he gripped my hand tighter.

"This is where I stop you and get Steve, you both need to talk about Iraq, and from him you'll get a better response since he has been there. For everything else, I'm here though okay?" he whispers before passing my hand to Steve.

I nodded and looked at Steve before bursting out in tears, which was mortifying but also a cathartic release of emotions that I needed. He sat beside me in place of Danny and just held me as I cried while the rest of them gave us some space to talk.

A few hours later we were both on the bed cuddled up again and I turned to face Steve who was stroking my hair out the way again. He looked at me, kissed me and said he would be right back as someone had knocked the door. He headed back in within a couple of minutes and then passed a bag onto the chair beside the bed.

"Kono brought us both a change of clothes, she thought you may be more comfortable in one of my shirts and some clean shorts. Think she's guessed about us pretty quickly," he said slightly sheepishly.

"She is a woman, of course she did! And I think I figured out why it's the same memory that's destroying me….." I started and stopped as nurse came in to do some Obs and change my IV.

A few minutes later she left and he joined me back on the bed and wrapped me in his arms again. This was very comfortable and exactly what I needed for this to be said right.

"I think now is the time to be completely honest with me about what happened in Iraq? We know most of what happened, but something is triggering your memory of that event, and it needs dealt with." Steve said as he rubbed my shoulders and pulled up the blanket.

"Something about my memories is wrong…warped even. I clearly remember getting whipped beside the road, but I have images of a dark room full of people, then pain in my arm and then I'm beside the road again. I was told the team had been dead three days before we had been rescued…..i only remember maybe 20 hours of the whole event. The attack; the whipping and then the airstrike. Any ideas?" I said moving round to get off my side.

"Only one and it is really unlikely as your CO said the whole event was caught on ICON, that's why you were cleared of any wrong doing. We suspected that the trauma had led you needing painkillers 24/7 to heal and things had just gotten out of control due to stress and the PTSD. The doctor in the ER a few days ago said the only drugs he found were painkillers, antibiotics and anti-rejection medication. Apart from the implant in your arm, there is no other medication in your system anymore." He said back, repeating what Max had confirmed.

Sitting up I stared at him bewildered. Implant? What implant?

"What implant Steve? I don't have an implant?"

"The birth control implant in your arm, we assumed you were seeing someone at Bastion?" he replied.

I shook my head and felt sick.

"I haven't seen anyone, haven't been with anyone…" I started.

He put his hand up and shook his head indicating he didn't need to hear it.

"No, you never have to explain your life to me Sarah…"

"STEVE…I have NEVER been with anyone…I didn't ask for this implant…..GET IT THE HELL OUT OF ME!" I screamed at him.

He stood up and took hold of my arm at the elbow, checking the area to ensure it was only one object.

He hit the button on the wall and Max came running in with one of the other nurses, he breathed deeply once he saw we were okay.

"Get this implant out of me Max, I never asked for it…..get it out of me!" I demanded climbing out of bed.

The nurse had brought the crash trolley with her and I searched through the drawers to find what I needed. Grabbing the packet, I ripped it open and drew the scalpel down my arm and reached for the tweezers. Steve had grabbed my arms and restrained me while the nurse applied pressure to the wound in my arm.

"I swear I'm not trying to kill myself, that implant was not requested by me and I want it out….get it out of me now or I swear I will chop your anatomy off Max!" I shouted as Steve crossed his arms over me.

Max looked at Steve and grabbed the pliers from the table and poured iodine over them to at least make it safer. He dug for the end and pulled it out and dropped it out onto the small metal tray on the bed. Grabbing more gauze I staunched the flow and walked to the bed with Steve grabbing a glove and looking at the object.

"This is no ordinary birth control implant Commander; it's adapted for medical treatments for long term use. It is also nearly empty and if this contains what I suspect it might, and then this is the cause of the debilitating nightmares you have been suffering from. I will send this off to our lab in HPD, they will have answers for you within a few hours, let me stitch your wound up now."

Nodding I sat back on the bed and let them stitch up my arm and dress it so it wouldn't be rubbed against. My stomach grumbled loudly and I went bright red as Steve stared at me with Max, they both headed out the room and twenty minutes later Steve came back with a box of Chinese food and water.

Danny was sitting chatting to me on the chair and had been talking to Kono on the phone from the labs at HPD to let us know the package had arrived and was getting investigated as a priority.

"Hey Danny, see who is back in the world of the living!" he said smiling at me.

"Yeah I was just saying that, really good improvement from the last couple of days. I will let you guys have some space….please don't break him….hmmm?"

I went red. AGAIN!

An hour later we were stuffed from Chinese and laughing over the stupid fortune cookies results that I had got.

"You will meet a member of the past in a place surrounded by sand….what the hell?" I laughed and chucked the damn thing away.

Steve was staring at me, had been for a while now and I sighed and looked at him and grinned, he stood up and came over to the bed side and took my face in his hands. Staring into his eyes I felt instantly safe and gently rubbed a small frown from his forehead, he took hold of my hands over his heart and kissed me full on, dragging me closer to him and landing on his knee on the chair. Seconds later we broke apart and he shifted slightly.

"Are you sure you want to do this Steve, these last few days must have been hell for you and everyone….I don't want to cause any issues within the team," I said cuddling into him.

He pulled me down onto his lap and nodded, the meeting we had in Iraq was fast and incredibly personal to us both, we never had time away from our duties or while Steve healed – I was devastated when he left.

"I am not going anywhere; my feelings for you haven't changed in over two years Sadie, sure as hell are not going to change because you have to deal with one of the hardest things in your life. I'm not asking for immediate commitment, but I am going to ask for honesty about something that happened over in Iraq, and I'm praying it's not correct." He said rubbing my still swollen knuckles.

Standing up I nodded and sat on the bed again facing him, my heart was in my throat and I knew what was coming.

"Why were your team in the 'Hell Zone'?" he whispered.

I sighed and curled up on the bed again, pulling the blanket over me as a protection against the shit about to hit the fan.

"We weren't meant to be. Our squad was delayed by four days to head back to Basra on foot due to Intel from a local source that had been correct on several occasions. Being the most senior medic there, I was given command and we headed through the shortest pass and were only a day's journey from reaching Basra when we were pinned down. All our unit had full training and…well you know the rest!" I said shrugging my shoulders.

"Where were you coming from, there is nothing within reach of Basra apart from villages and the old airfield. Were you on a medical detail?" he enquired.

"No. Not officially. The new medics had been ditched by chopper and stranded after it was abandoned and the pilot was killed during the crash. They were rescued and then I was called to take them back to base camp." I replied.

"Who rescued them, a team from Souter?" he replied looking more annoyed the more I explained.

I shook my head; he was really going to be pissed after this.

"Who rescued them Sadie?" he said through clenched teeth.

"SEAL team from Falcon Base where I was deployed for six months tour. SEAL team four to be exact," I said shutting my eyes.

He exploded in a fit of swear words and heavy disbelief, he paced the room and looked at me, then away and back at the door.

"Please, tell me, what the hell were you doing at Falcon Base? Was it choice, or by order?" he whispered knowing Falcon Base was classified.

"By order, from your old Master Chief, he is the one who requested me. I thought you had put in a word for me knowing what I was capable of, I enjoyed it there, as strange as that may sound, the people were kind and I enjoyed my work…..the ending was bad thought with what happened." I replied.

"How do you mean? What happened before you left base?"

"A SEAL team was lost, a day before the medics arrived, that's why I was given the command to take them across the pass, some of your colleagues were part of the team, half of your old training squad died including Brian Thompson."

His head snapped up and a he looked puzzled at me, like I had said something that was completely impossible.

"What is it? You look like I've just dropped a bombshell!" I said standing.

"Brian Thompson isn't dead. He was tried and found for trying to kill a foreign dictator last year. He's currently serving 20 years in state penn for trying to kill our team at Diamondhead. He's on this island!"

I sat back on the bed and drew my legs up under me, rocking slightly to digest the news that whoever we had buried hadn't been who the DNA tests confirmed. Staring at him I could see he was trying to work this out, about why his MC would lie….why the base would cover this up?

"Sadie, how many were killed in the mission?" he thought aloud.

"Six in total, what are you thinking?" I replied.

"Bravofourniner is a six man team highly trained and experts in covert and undercover mission, the added bonus they got is they have full licence to disappear and would only come back into the public life once they thought it was secure for them to resume their mission. Years can go by before this happens, this team is a lifer, why the hell would you be involved with them?"

"I wasn't involved with them, I was a medic on base, okay and a few missions as required," I replied honestly.

His face betrayed every emotion that was running through his body and then his eyes went that sea green – I was in deep shit now!

"Are you insane, your 27 years old Sadie, you could have been killed, I could have lost you to those assholes!" he shouted at me.

Standing back up I glared him in the face and finally sighed as weakness hit.

"Are you suggesting that they are somehow involved in the whole mission, destroying a chopper, killing my team and implanting a drug chip into my arm to make me so screwed up I wouldn't realise what would happen? Cause you are aware that even PsyOps wouldn't do this to their own people!"

His face said it all to me.

The nausea came back tenfold and I ran for the bathroom and violently threw up everything I had eaten, he was right behind me and passed me a towel to clean my face up and cool down. He picked me back up and put me on the bed while he called Danny and Kono who should be heading back over with results from the labs for the implant. I leaned against the pillows and closed my eyes, trying to enjoy the breeze from the AC; I took the pen and paper from the cabinet beside me and wrote down 3 other names I had, passing it to Steve he looked at it and paced to the window.

"Those names are Bravofourniner aren't they?" I whispered.

He turned around and faced me; his look again told me everything I needed to know about those men. I wanted to cry again, hell I wanted to scream again, but I could tell that if I did that then I would be sedated. My anger just welled up inside me, I had been betrayed by my own CO and nearly killed so those assholes could complete their mission by taking fake IDs of a team of medics they had probably killed and buried somewhere in the desert. Standing up I started towards the bathroom and went for a hot shower and cleaned myself up before changing into fresh clothes. Sitting back on the bed I saw Steve filling in Kono and Danny with what's happened and they informed him of something that made him run his hands through his hair in disbelief. Pulling on my socks and boots I grabbed my ID and pulled my hair into a ponytail out my face before working on the bandage around my hand to hold the cannula in. the door opened and everyone walked in.

"Where the hell are you going? You haven't been discharged!" Steve said loudly.

"Well since we have just uncovered a major issue within the armed forces that crosses over two countries, involves a cover up, murder and drugging me….I would say I am getting ready to find out who to shoot….does that sound alright with you?" I said back, anger masked behind cold eyes.

"Do you really think you are capable of helping us, after the last two months, withdrawal and finding out all this shit? Kono found out the results of the implant, it had a suicide chain in it, cyanide capsule…your own CO agreed to have you murdered to hide the secret Sadie….how do you think we need to go around this to ensure we don't cause more problems," he demanded.

"To be perfectly honest, I don't care….he has destroyed part of my life, nearly destroyed me and I realise I'm not exactly in the best physical fitness to help out…but these arseholes are mine!" I shouted back.

"KIDS…ease up please! Steve, can you translate for what 'the highlander' just said? She went full throttle there and I have no idea!" Danny said.

I glared at him and he put his hands up to ward off the expected verbal blow coming his way from me. Heading out the door, I turned left and walked into Chin coming around the corner. He grabbed my arm and steadied me from falling onto the floor.

"Easy, where are you going? Where is everyone?" he demanded righting me.

"In my old room, I'm heading out…see if you can knock some sense into them for me okay?" I said heading off at a run down to the exit.

Chin headed up to my old room to find everyone else coming out at speed and he followed them around towards the main exit. Chin shouted on Steve and got them to stop.

"If its Sarah you're looking for then she went out the side exit, main car park is blocked for chemical leak. She headed past me about five minutes ago."

Steve ran the other way and into the side garden, spotting me going up the staircase onto the new path leading to the beach lane, he ran after me. I had seen him in the car reflection; I sighed and stopped suddenly as I heard voices that were really familiar. Looking across the road, my heart stopped and I turned around behind a pillar gasping for breath and holding my chest as my heart thudded wildly. Dropping to my knees, I leaned over and counted; brought my pulse under control….one quick look again was confirmation that I had seen someone I knew to be dead. Victor Shields, one of the men who were Bravofourniner. I got my phone out and took photos of them both before the tears rolled down my face again. Steve came running up the stairs and spotted me a moment later, running over he grabbed me and checked to make sure I was alright.

"You look like you have seen a ghost, what happened? Are you able to walk?" he said taking my hand and checking my pulse that was still wildly out of sync.

I handed him my phone, he looked at the photos and back at me. Picking me up he started towards the stairs and back to the hospital.

"No, not back there….they know I am here….take me home Steve, least I will be safe there with you," I whispered into his chest.

He let me down and helped me into the car before heading off at speed while talking to everyone on the phone, he told them to be prepared for details and that tomorrow I would be under protective detail.


	8. Chapter 8

By the time we had got back to the house I had calmed down again and was looking at the photos again on my phone, it just didn't make sense for these men to be here unless what they were after was here too…but what?

Steve was busy restocking the fridge with shopping we grabbed and I was offering to make something from home again, he had forgotten I baked on base a lot.

"How about Lime Chicken, vegetable rice and chilli syrup?" I enquired.

He put his hands around my waist and leaned on my shoulder while looking in the fridge, I knew he was a health nut and as long as I put at last two veggies on his plate he would be happy; nodding at me he kissed my cheek and headed off to fix the upstairs door.

Dinner was marinating in the bag, rice was cooking and the door was being fixed up stairs, life was easier now since we cleared the air between us…too much 'UST' Danny said. The house phone went off and answering it, I expected Kono or Max.

"Hello?"

"Hello McGregor, found the implant in time did you? Shame, it would have been the easier option compared to what we will put you and your new lover through." The voice hissed.

Out of instinct I grabbed my phone, typing in a text message, I hit send and heard a faint beep upstairs. I had sent the message: 'SOS Thompson on phone'.

I could hear Steve talking to Chin on the phone upstairs, trying to keep Thompson on the phone was now my job so they could get a trace going.

"Hello Brian, didn't know the SEALS taught resurrection in their training….or have you been watching Harry Potter again?"

He openly laughed down the phone and I could hear more than one voice in the background.

"Still a cocky little bitch isn't you! You should of taken my offer back in the camp, we would have cut you a deal, saved you a lot of issues."

I didn't remember a deal being offered when I was there, I hated surprises like this!

"You don't remember do you? That implant really fucked you up, oh well….should be more interesting for your lover….once a SEAL always a SEAL….ask him if he enjoys fucking a head case like yourself?"

My jaw clenched and I fought down the bile in my throat.

"I will kill you Thompson, I will find you and kill you," I said down the phone.

Steve had run down the stairs and watched the last few moments play over since I had put the phone on loudspeaker, my body was shaking and I was back to looking like a ghost again

"Not before I make everyone of your team beg for mercy…..just like the medics in Iraq!" he said slamming down the phone.

I stared at Steve, I saw him move towards me and then I crumpled on the floor, I grabbed the bowl nearest to me and violently threw up again as he held me until I stopped shaking.

"The team needs to stick together in one place, they will go after them, I don't want anyone of them found by that bastard."

"What did he mean by 'just like the medics'? I thought they were killed in a fire fight?" he asked gently.

"They were injured in the fight, but they had been mutilated when still alive and we were all found together after rigor mortis had set in…..they families had to have closed casket funerals." I replied breathing deeply.

He held me tighter, giving me his strength as mine ebbed out after the call.

"Can I go to work tomorrow, I need something to do….I can't be alone," I said finally cooling down.

Steve had switched everything off and started running a hot bath, knowing that I was getting to wound up and wouldn't sleep tonight if I kept on playing the phone call in my head.

"Yeah, light duties, no running around after us…I mean it!" he replied pulling out my night clothes from my bag.

He held up a pair of shorts and tank top that I had for a couple of years, they were really silly with cartoon dragons stitched on the top and bottoms. They reminded me of home and that life could be fun.

"Dragons on your nightwear…..no Barbie?" he asked laughing.

"Nope, dragons are much cooler…." I said heading into the bathroom and switching off the taps in the bath.

Peeking round the door he was still holding them and smiling, I chucked him my bra and invited him in to join me, he walked in as I was settled in the bath, foam everywhere. Holding up my bra, he raised his eyebrow at me.

"Is this an invitation or a sign you need laundry done?" he asked grinning.

"That's up to you Commander, though I am finding this bath tub a lot bigger than expected…room for one more?" I said grinning back.

He shut the door, undressed and climbed in behind me, cradling me between his knees and letting me lean back. Wiggling slightly he groaned and kissed my neck, shoulders and took my hands under the water. Leaning into me he nibbled my ear which sent goose bumps up my body.

"Don't start what we can't finish Sadie. I said I want you, but it's your choice."

Turning round I climbed onto his legs and settled again.

"I want this, been long enough denied, let's make this work!" I whispered before kissing him back.

**Two days later**

I was given clearance by Max to return to work on light duties and had to promise to have spot blood checks done and any painkillers I had to take for the various bumps and lumps, was notified to him by email and dispensed by Steve. I managed to thank everyone individually for everything they had done over the last few days and to apologise for giving them so much of my baggage. They all understood after Steve and I pieced the puzzle together and were aware that if they thought they were in danger at all, to call with a safe word and meet back at the office.

Later that morning I was feeling rough and headed down into the gym to shake off some of the restless energy I was developing after getting the implant removed. The tests that Max had performed on the contents were conclusive of Ryphnol, Benzoate and a few other compounds that he couldn't confirm without sending off for more complete analysis. I told him not to bother, I had a suspicion that they would come back with a 'classified' stamp on them.

My hands were well wrapped this time and I attacked the defence dummy with a passion, imaging it as Brian Thompson and how exactly I would break every bone in his face. I know I had an audience due to the attack I was laying on the dummy, I had already broke one of them twenty minutes ago with a swift kick to the head which resulted in me pulling the dummy to the ground and ripping off its head. That dummy was lying at the side and I still had too much energy to get rid of, it was really irritating me that people were watching what I was doing so I challenged a couple of the SWAT guys to a race.

"Alright ladies, three miles on the treads, two miles on the bikes, 30 crunches and climb the ropes ten times….first to win gets free beer for a month!" I shouted in the gym and smiled as four SWAT grinned at me.

Standing stretching at the makeshift start line, Danny came over and looked at me versus the four men.

"You are crazy Sadie, you're basically battling fit and you're going up against four of the finest SWAT leaders we have? Can you endure what they will put you through? And are you insane enough to piss of Steve…he told you to take it easy in case you wore out." He said indicating the four men laughing with their units.

"Danny, I'll be fine! I'm fitter than I look and I've got energy to burn today," I replied finishing off my stretching.

Thirty seconds later I was running on the treadmills keeping up easy with the boys from SWAT, I just breathed and listened to the cheering and relaxed my chest muscles. Finishing my three miles in ten minutes, I ran to the bikes and drank up the water provided and saw a very pissed off Danny talking to someone on the phone….damn it….has to be Steve!

True enough, a couple of minutes later he comes in and just stares in my direction and talks with Danny.

"I tried to stop her, but she said she would be fine and had energy to burn today….she's actually an animal and keeping up with them, but she's stumbled a couple of times coming off the treads too quick." He replied still watching me.

Seconds later I was in the middle of doing crunches and Steve leaned over me and glared, I just kept on concentrating on my breathing and counting to thirty.

"You are certifiable Sadie! LIGHT duties do not include doing the gym challenge with SWAT, your still recovering!" he whispered.

Jumping up I winked and started to climb the rope, catching up with the leader who was on his third climb. I saw Steve had gone back to where Danny was cheering me on, think he really didn't want SWAT to beat us again. Ten minutes later it was over…..

"Third place is Sarah McGregor," shouted another of gym users to a loud clap and cheer for a valiant effort.

I was still on top of the rope poles catching my breath and congratulating the winners and promising a round of beer on Friday night. Slowly the place started to empty and the gym manager came over to Steve and Danny below me and pointed to me and the dummy.

"Sorry about that guys, they don't build them tough enough for Scots…went slightly overboard on the attack!" I shouted down.

Steve saw the damage to the dummy and looked up at me with concern over his face; I waved brightly and wiped the sweat off my face. Breathing deeply I looked away and held in the vomit that was making a comeback up my chest, squeezing my hand across the bars helped and I held on as the others left.

I slacked against the roof braces and gasped as the burn in my chest increased again. Why the hell did I have to be 30 foot in the air and get a crash course in memory recall about ropes being used in Iraq?

"You are planning to come down Sadie?" Steve shouted.

"I can't move," I whispered down to him, feeling like a complete idiot at pushing past my limits.

"Catch your breath then climb down, it's just the acid in your muscles causing cramps," he called back up.

Steve was looking up at me and saw that I had a death grip on the bars, he knew I wasn't scared of heights, standing back some more he saw that I was breathing too hard again and that I had backed up onto the walkway.

"I'm coming up, hold on alright!" he shouted as he began to climb the rope to reach where I was.

I watched him climb quickly and shuffled along a little bit to give him room to flip over the bars and sit beside me on the walkway. Smiling at him I waved and breathed. He visually checked me over, saw nothing suspicious and then took my hands in his, knowing that it would help me focus more.

"I'm alright, just feeling stupid…ropes seemingly are a trigger; not the best thing to find out 30 foot up!" I said looking at the roof.

He glared at me and nodded as he counted my pulse.

"You need to calm your breath down, your pulse is racing…let's get you down from here and along to Max." he whispered pulling me up and leading me along the walkway to the ladder at the side of the wall.

A minute later I was lying on the floor calming my breath down; I was really glad to be out of the gym and relaxing on the cold floor of the first aid room. Steve had grabbed me a bottle of water and was stretching my leg muscles out so the cramps would stop, he was still silent as he worked on my other leg.

"Are we still going out tonight with the team?" I asked unwrapping my hands from my gloves.

He just continued to stare at me like I had grown a second head; sighing I got up and stretched my back to work off the extra energy still in my system. His phone went off, grabbing my towel I said I would meet him in ten minutes and headed off to get cleaned up.


	9. Chapter 9

While coming out of the dressing room I was called over by the admin desk and had to sign for a package that was left for me by Postal, grabbing the box I headed up to the office and dumped the box beside my desk, knowing it would be some belongings starting to arrive from home. Heading into the Ops area, I signalled to Chin and Kono who came over to the units to join me for the briefing.

"So, Danny says that you went heads on with SWAT?" Chin asked straight faced.

"Yeah, restless energy…stupid really…lesson learned," I replied sighing as Steve and Danny came over.

"What we got guys?" he asked looking at the screens.

Kono typed up the details and pinged them to the wall monitors in front of us.

"We have four dead men all locals with GSW to be back of the head, suspected Triad execution of thieves; early afternoon dog walker had found them behind the old garages on Kailua Way just outside District four. Medical Examiner has said TOD is approx. 15 hours ago."

"I'm taking it the other three men have previous convictions in dealing with the Triads at some point in their lives, or has new information come from sources to tie them to the Triads and raised a hit on them?" I asked looking at the third picture.

"Yeah, how did you know? One of our victims was an ex-con who had dealings with the Triads and Yakuza in over 30 separate incidents of black market dealings….mainly weapons, chemicals and drugs. The other three have records dating back to 1995, all minor offences." She replied.

I brought up one of the victims photos and centred it to the main screen, walking round to the front of the team I pointed at the tattoo on the hand of the victim.

"Does this man only have one hand?" I asked as Chin scrolled through the pictures taken by CSI.

"Yeah, how the hell did you know that?" he replied putting up the photo.

"This tattoo is from the same group of separatists who let off Saran Gas in Hong Kong ten years ago, the reason I recognise it is I dissected his other hand five years ago as part of my training at UKAMRIID. They are a matching pair of tattoos that when joined together they prove part of brotherhood in the Triads home grounds. It's a tattoo done by only a select few of artists in Hong Kong, most of them are connected to the Triads." I replied.

"That's disgusting! You dissected his hand? How did you get a hold of his hand?" Danny asked.

"I was part of the clean-up crew. During one of the canister removals, we caught this guy coming down the train tracks, he killed two of my friends before coming after me with a sword; let's just say I'm quicker on my feet than he was and I cut off his hand." I replied.

Everyone just stood and looked at me and I rolled my eyes.

"Look it was me or him, he lost! You don't attack a Scot without being damn sure you have an army behind you for backup and then some." I said trying to get them to stop staring at me.

"All I'm saying is that this guy is a high member of the Triads that operated from Scotland from 1980 to quite recently, I can make some calls and get information but it may take a while?"

Danny turned to Steve and just looks at him.

"What? I didn't do anything?" he says back looking at everyone.

"Do you just corrupt everyone you meet in a uniform? Navy SEAL doing his Master Jedi routine with his new gang of warriors?"

Steve's face is priceless and Danny is ranting on about the amount of people who have gone 'gung-ho' because of meeting Steve, I was laughing at them both when they started arguing between each other; stepping in between them before they got their handbags out, I separated them and smacked both of their heads.

"Steve, you corrupt everyone you work a mission with, that's a fact!" I told him smiling.

Turning to Danny I grinned and hugged his shoulder.

"Hate to tell you this, but I hadn't met Steve yet…that incident happened about two years before being deployed…I think meeting Steve just made it worse!" I said laughing as Steve grabbed me and moved me to the side.

"Oh dear lord, what have we unleashed on Hawaii?" Kono said laughing along with Chin and me.

Much later on in the night we had solved the deaths of the four men and tracked the Triads back to Hong Kong and outside our jurisdiction, but the other agencies had been alerted to them being wanted in connection with the four dead victims. We were due to meet up for a late beer at the beach bar in an hour and I was just cleaning up my desk when I found another package directed to Steve; heading over to his office I knocked as he was on the phone and didn't want to disturb if he was busy.

"Hey, how you feeling after your first day back?" he asked pulling me round to him.

"I'm good, little tired but it's been interesting; I am sorry about earlier though, side effect of the shrinks help….too much energy!" I said kissing him.

"Please try and take it easy! You have been fully cleared for duty, but since we are still working on your 'triggers' we need to be careful. Everyone has your back, just be cautious," he whispered.

"I will Steve, nothing is going to happen to me," I replied.

He grabbed me closer and planted one on my mouth, he tasted of sunshine, sand and fruity coconut drinks….a heady mix considering he is a big tough guy and likes splashing in the pool for fun.

"Oh, this came for you earlier with the mail, completely forgot about it in my office until now, strange that it isn't addressed?" I said handing him the package.

He sat on the edge of the table and sighed before handing back the packet to me, taking it off him; he nodded for me to open it.

"I pulled the records from your time in Iraq along with bravofourniner's itinerary, I asked for a few favours as we still need answers to how and why this team is out there and targeting you specifically. This is all my source could pull for me from the files, but it hopefully might give us more answers when we look through it." He replied.

I looked at him and didn't really know what to think or how to feel. Yes, I knew the information was critical to the unofficial case we had with Bravofourniner, but on the other hand….did I really want to look back on all the information relating to my time in Iraq?

"If you don't want to know Sadie, there is no shame in it. That kind of trauma would be devastating to anyone; even the toughest people have issues from missions. I can look through it with my contact tomorrow; he's coming to meet you."

"Meet me? Why would he want to meet me?" I demanded.

"Because he is aware of whom you are, where you were based and he trained Bravofourniner, this man is a second father to me, I trust him with my life, so what information he has about you…well, it's accurate." He replied.

Nodding in agreement to meet him tomorrow at home, I grabbed my stuff and the box of belongings that had been delivered earlier that day, slamming it into my car, I headed back to the house to freshen up and then walk to the beach bar with Danny who said he was dropping off his daughter.

Walking along the pathways thirty minutes later, we were chatting about recent events, how his daughter was and past exploits that were really funny just by the way he was telling them. We headed along to the beachfront and he suddenly stopped as we climbed over the small grass knoll.

"Thank you by the way, I don't think I have seen him this happy before."

I looked at Danny who was smirking, I flushed slightly and shrugged.

"I didn't do anything, he is the one who requested me to join the team after speaking to you guys. As for what has developed….who knows!" I replied.

"When he spotted you in his office his eyes lit up Sadie that is one hell of a connection you have to each other – it's changed him, having you in his life!"

"Changed me too Danny, only for the better!" I replied blushing.

We both grinned and headed off towards the beach bar to enjoy a night of relaxing gossip and beer.


	10. Chapter 10

The next afternoon was our teams scheduled downtime to relax, catch up on any paperwork that was due or just to do some training; I had headed back into the office to meet everyone later on since Steve's mentor was meeting us there at 4pm and decided to go and use the 'Breakout Room' along from the 5-O office. Shutting the door I opened the piano lid and checked for a tune issue and gave it a dust off, sitting down on the bench I stretched my fingers and began playing an old tune I had memorised from a couple of years ago…a take on the classic piece from a favourite film.

I had started to softly sing to the tune, a language I didn't know, but memorised from the video to the music on TV. Okay, so it was sappy but a good song from and suited to my mood, edgy, restless….impassioned by falling in love….and nearly dying.

I changed halfway through the song and warped into Placebo's Running up that Hill, something that was more in tune with my mood and the recent events over the last week that had me still playing catch up mentally and emotionally – the bath cuddle was amazing and went no further, but I knew Steve would wait until I was ready since I was still healing and needed time.

I had closed my eyes and didn't see Steve pass the door and then stop as he saw me playing; he came in and sat down on the table behind me without saying a word. He knew I could play the piano, just don't think he knew that I was pretty good at it….recovery time is a blessing sometimes, I finished up the song and took a deep breath while looking outside.

When I turned around I grabbed my bag and headed along to the office to meet the rest of the team and Steve who was picking up Joe White from Hickam AFB. I noticed the mail had been while I was along the corridor and guessed that inventory had been delivered as there was a LOT of brown boxes kicking about all our offices – would make more sense to shove them all into a larger crate and wrap them – recycling was going to have a fit!

Dropping my gear into Steve's office I headed over to the touch top and looked up my old records that we put into a file for when Joe arrived to look over, and try and shed some light on what the hell was going on; I knew he trained Steve, was like a second father to him when he was growing up, but something was still bothering me about what we had found out. The doors at the top of the room opened and in walked the team and another man dressed in cams that was busy talking to Danny about the finer points of spear fishing.

"Hey Sadie, manage to get caught up with everything?" Chin asked as they walked over to the touch top and got settled for the briefing.

"Yeah, all sorted thanks," I replied smiling at him.

"Joe, this is Corporal Sarah McGregor, RAMC." Steve said introducing us.

Shaking his hand I nodded at him.

"Nice to meet you Commander, I hear you are the one to blame for Danny's blood pressure issues," I greeted grinning to him.

"That's funny, always thought medics had a sense of humour about them!" Joe replied laughing.

"So do SEALS, unless you try and hit them with a syringe and then they cry for their mummies like little boys….bunch of wimps!" I said poking Steve.

Kono, Chin and Danny were laughing their heads off at the look on Steve and Joe's face as I replied to them and it was pretty funny to see them stare back at me…..I had just unleashed a major secret into the team about SEALS….always good blackmail material for later on!

Bringing up the documents on the screen Chin coughed to clear the air and then passed me a folder full of documents with a note to read them later on in my own office, nodding to him I slipped the file into my own folder under the touch top without anyone noticing. Chin had brought up the photos of the men in Bravofourniner and the logs that had been sent by Joe via the memory stick; all they really showed was a few of the team photos, official photos for their records and details required by the JSOC admin team.

"So these men are part of the SEAL team after you, just because you wouldn't accept an offer made by the Commander? Must have be some offer?" Chin asked.

I looked at Chin and shrugged my shoulders, the shrink had cleared me but the tests they had completed on the implant showed it was designed to cause chemical imbalance to the brain and scramble injunction with other therapy – Steve knew the technique used – one taught by Naval Intelligence.

"I honestly don't remember any offer being made to me on base or on any of the missions, it literally is a black hole in my memory, and either caused by the drugs in the implant or by the trauma caused by the injuries and my brain is just not recalling them. I honestly can't shed any light on it at all." I replied looking at my former team mates.

Joe was looking at the men he had trained and I could see the clogs working in his head, he was not happy and took this personally since it was affecting the team and his adopted son, which hurt him.

"Sadie, you said that the team was killed, who did the confirmation? If bodies were found they are normally flown to the nearest secure unit for ID and then transferred for EVAC for storage." Joe asked.

I nodded and brought up some more info from my personal notes in my files.

"As far as I am aware there was no bodies found that were identifiable alone by standard tests, they had to get confirmation from up the chain for dental records to be used due to extensive corrosion. From what I remember seeing of the bodies they were burned with use of an accelerant and even dental matches were proving to be a real issue, the damage to the bones was so extensive that it took nearly 19 hours to ID them, and that's after four or five of us had looked and tested the remains. The army pathologist finally confirmed the remains with help from my commander and then the bodies were sent for storage." I replied bring up the folder I had compiled from my own records.

On the screen I brought up the old documents relating to the 'accident' that had killed the SEAL unit and then everything to do with the pathology exam we completed back at Falcon base. I had managed to make a secondary copy of these details and stored them within my own personal records that I could access anywhere needed.

The screen popped up with the photos of the charred remains and the results of the tests we had completed in the labs.

"Wow, that's some serious damage to the bones. You still managed to ID them through the DNA samples? Impressive!" Joe whistled.

"We instantly knew an accelerant had been used due to the degradation of the bones, this was no normal fire that took the team out, my guess would have been an acetylene based chemical that can burn up to 2000oC. That's roughly the same temperature of a cremation oven. As for a correct DNA ID…..I was the last person to be brought in due to being away on recon, my guess is that someone placed false markers on the body and then used collected samples from Bravofourniner." I replied flipping through the photos to show where the DNA marker had been removed from inside the jaw cavity of each victim.

Steve looked at the screens and then me, I knew he was a little nervous of bringing this topic up after recent events but I sent him a small nod and he sighed before continuing.

"Alright so we know that the missing SEAL team is not dead and the DNA was planted to get people off the trail, you are then brought in and given command to take a group of medics across the trail back to Basra and then ambushed by a group of rebels. Between 24hrs to 3 days pass, you're found by the team from Souter, the medics are all dead and you're recovered back to camp."

I nod at Joe as he finished his summary of what happened and breathe to centre my thoughts running through my head, Danny has moved towards me and I shake my head to tell him I am alright; Steve comes back into the room after going to answer the phone. His facial expression is not a good one.

"You alright son," asks Joe spotting the same expression.

"That was a contact over in Camp Bastion, I was trying to get a hold of your old CO from the sub camp - he has a message for you Sadie,"

Heading past him I go to my office and make a call knowing that I have to reroute from the Comms unit in Bastion, waiting for the video call to connect I smile at the photo the team had taken last night at the bar; I had got it framed and put it beside a photo of my foster family before I was deployed.

"Sarah thanks for calling me back so quickly," a familiar voice said suddenly.

"Anthony, everything alright?" I asked suddenly concerned.

I had known Anthony for a few years now, he was the medic on the team that rescued me and worked with my cousin who I was really close too, he promised to keep me up dated with any issues surrounding him and to be the one to call if anything had happened while on active duty.

"Sarah, I am sorry to report that Robert McGregor has been reported as MIA, presumed dead."

My heart literally stopped again.

"When did this happen? Is there any signs of confirmation?" I asked hoarsely.

"We found a mass grave about twenty clicks outside a local village where we were training, it was in the same area SEAL teams were doing tactical training exercises and we are investigating a friendly fire accident or mission gone wrong; they stumbled across his gear covered in blood…I am so sorry!" he replied.

I clenched my fingers into a fist and closed my eyes, I could see Danny look at me through the glass and he looked like he was going to come in; I sucked in a breath and relaxed my body.

"Have his parents been informed, they will want him to be flown back as soon as possible for last rites and funeral," I asked wiping my eyes.

"It's not that easy Sarah. We recovered a note attached to his vest, it was addressed to you. It asks you to check the mail. I don't know if he sent you something from a friend, but its signed Brian Thompson."

My head snapped up. Thompson?

"What do you mean signed Brian Thompson? Was it a letter, package….tell me Anthony!" I demanded down the phone.

"We checked the post for you, seems there is roughly 30 boxes on the way for you and your new team, no idea what is in them but they cleared all the checks and should be with you shortly." He replied.

"Yeah, I think they just arrived today, I was wondering why so many boxes earlier on. Anthony, thank you for doing this, I know it's never easy. Can you update me with any news or details as you get them…..just call me collect ok." I asked choking back tears.

He instantly agreed and passed on his condolences before hanging up. I leaned my head on the table for a moment and dried my eyes. I would deal with this news once I was home and away from the team; right now I wanted to know what was in the boxes.


	11. Chapter 11

When I got back to the rest of the team beside the screens my face was back to normal and they were discussing the next steps in what to investigate and ways to do it, being a soldier and medic is a lot different from being a cop; lots of new rules and regulations to learn for Hawaii…..good teachers were the bonus!

Danny was still watching me carefully, not out of mistrust be he could see I was slightly rattled and his 'daddy senses' we jingling as I made my way over to the group and coughed gently.

"Guys, I just got some Intel from Bastion, the boxes that arrived in the mail are from Afghanistan, from a cousin of mine…" I started and my voice caught.

"Sadie, what's wrong?" Danny asked.

"Its fine Danny, sore throat from all this heat, there is roughly about thirty boxes, unknown contents, bring them to the table for me and we need to go through them." I replied squeezing my nails into my hand to stop any emotion going over my face.

Everyone started grabbing boxes and brought them over to the big central table, laying them all out I grabbed my knife and sliced into the envelope attached to one of the bigger boxes; my nose wrinkled immediately and I dropped the letter on the table before grabbing my gloves.

"Is that blood I smell?" Joe and Steve said in unison.

I nodded and breathed through my teeth at the smell of decomposing blood.

Picking up the letter again I nodded and blew out between my teeth, the blood had congealed in splatter pattern across parts of the letter and envelope that had been double wrapped to protect it from prying eyes. I started to read the words and my heart rate increased by double, my hand shook and I thought I was going to be sick….Steve grabbed my waist and let the letter land on the table before whisking me to the chairs, Joe had put on gloves and was reading the letter out aloud.

"What does it say Joe?" demanded Steve calling someone on his phone.

"It's a death note Steve, Thompson has made his first victim. The letter states:

"Sadie, you were welcomed into our unit with open arms due to the training and skills you had, you betrayed us by refusing to help your brothers. For this disloyalty and betrayal, you will suffer then die.

Your cousin screamed."

It's signed by Thompson." Joe replied.

Max had come running in and Kono led him along to me, I had gone into the kitchen to get a bottle of water and just came back out to hear the rest of the letter being read out aloud. I noticed Chin had something in his hand and was talking to Steve who quickly moved to place whatever was back in the box.

"Max, were going to need a body bag, or lots of them depending on how you want to handle this," said Chin as he looked at me.

I leaned back against the wall and sighed, I had a feeling I knew what was in the box, but now I needed it confirmed.

"Is it a body part? Steve…..IS IT A BODY PART?" I demanded.

"Yeah, the index finger of a left hand," he replied.

Twenty minutes later there was over thirty other boxes opened, all containing parts of bodies that had been hacked apart and shipped to me through the AFPS. Max had all the boxes laid out on the trolley and Joe was helping unfold another note stuck to the bottom of the box where a pair of brown eyes had been sent in a jar. By the fifth box I had been ordered to go lie down on the couch in McGarrett's office as Max heard and saw my breathing spike quickly and was concerned it would bring on a relapse since I was still dealing with the trauma, but I saw that they were struggling to get something out of the box and I figured it was another note and I wanted to know what it meant.

"What does the letter say son?" Joe whispered.

I had walked out the room slowly and made my way over to the table that was closest to the open windows now, the smell was horrific but nothing I hadn't smelt before, I shuffled over slightly and looked at them both.

"What does it say Steve, it can't be any worse than it is?" I whispere.

The moment Steve read the letter I was running out of the office and down the stairs, heading through the main police office, past dispatch and onto the main pathway that took us towards our car spaces; everyone had followed me out of the office and I slammed into the back of my car with a vengeance and opened the boot. I instantly smelled the stench of rotting flesh from the box in the back of my car.

Gagging, I ripped it open and looked inside.

I must have screamed as I heard my name being called loudly by several people and the crunch of gravel being ran on by multiple sets of feet.

I slid onto the ground still holding the box in my hands, my mind was still too numb to work properly and I don't even remember anyone coming up behind me and then backing off in horror at what was in the box. I remember getting lifted to my feet and Danny getting me to the side of the road as he called for Max to come down with another body bag and CSI support. I felt Danny's arms around me as I tried to struggle out of his grip, I wanted to go back to the box and find it wasn't him, that my mind and eyes were playing tricks on me – Danny pinned me to the ground and shouted on Steve who was running with Max holding bags and evidence kits.

"LET ME GO DANNY!"I cried out.

"No! You've seen enough!" he hissed as I thumped his chest crying.

My cousin's head was nailed onto a spike and piece of wood and had been left to rot once the wax melted off it, his eyes had been ripped out, his teeth smashed and his face was twisted into a mask of pure horror by rigor mortis. As my car was investigated I sat on the stone slabs and heard nothing anyone was telling me, I didn't even hear or feel Steve move me from the area, I was just hollow as he took me to the showers to wash the blood off my hands and then decide to just shower me.

"Let's get you cleaned up then I'm taking you home, Max has given me your meds, you should take it tonight….let yourself sleep," he whispered.

He wrapped a blanket around me, my core temperature had fallen again after I calmed down and went silent, Max had checked me over and handed Steve my meds from my desk – he basically ordered him to shove them down my throat.

"I already knew he was dead, that's what the phone call was. The medic who helped me in Bastion called to inform me of his MIA/KIA status, there was no body, only his gear and blood, he was in an area that was being used for Tactical by troops; they thought it may have been a friendly fire incident, but then they discovered a mass grave….now we know he was kidnapped and probably tortured….." I whispered into his chest after getting helped to change into dry clothes.

He held me to his chest and I breathed deeply; I was still too shocked to cry, the damage was done, next move was how to find Thompson. We walked out of the building and into the car to take me home where he instantly handed me a bottle of water and my meds.

"I don't need the meds Steve, Thompson kind of prepared me…" I started off saying before breaking down into tears on the couch.

Steve pulled me into his arms and sat back on the couch and dragged the cover over me so I could grip something tightly without causing anyone any harm, I just cried, getting everything out…all the frustrations, stress and horror out of my system before I could think straight and become rational again to look at the evidence and where it was pointing. I knew this was done by Bravofourniner, but I wanted to know why?


	12. Chapter 12

I had woken up the next morning really early and decided to go for a walk on the beach beside the house to clear my head for the investigation that was now going to be run by a joint JSOC and 5-O task force. Joe had contacted a couple of friends from the SEAL units back on home soil and stationed in Pearl, all of them agreed to help the investigation as rogue SEAL unit was far too dangerous to let loose on the island. He had also gone and informed the Provost Marshall on Pearl about the incident in Afghanistan and how it may be connected to this missing team, he agreed to all requests and promised to keep Joe in the loop when information was found and acted upon.

I was maybe two blocks from the house where I discovered a great vantage point to watch the sunset and rise, sitting down I stretched my back and looked over the horizon; I had gone over in my head what had happened yesterday, how everything was discovered and by whom…..I breathed deeply as my hands shook….least I could start to manage my triggers now.

I watched the sun rise for over an hour, enjoying the view that was spectacular over the Pacific Ocean, it must have been after 7am that I walked back towards the house and found Steve sitting on the chairs in the backyard; he looked stressed as hell and not too pleased as I walked around the hedge line.

"Where have you been?" he demanded.

I looked up at him in surprise and saw him fully ready to leave for work, but armed with a lot more firepower than normal, had we received a call and I was just never informed?

"I went for a walk to clear my head, you know to clear my thoughts, stop from screaming into your chest when I woke up from a nightmare…for once following the shrinks advice!" I replied staring at him.

He walked down the Lanai slightly and took in my clothes, I had no sidearm with me and the only thing I had was my knife that never left my thigh holder – that was currently under my skirt and he obviously couldn't see it.

"You are meant to be armed at all times Sadie! What would happen if Thompson had found you? Huh. What would have happened to you then….cause I know….he would have tortured you…..tortured you then killed you!" he hissed angrily.

"Look you over bearing arrogant son of a bitch….I was not unarmed! I went for a walk to clear my head…..I just lost my cousin to a bunch of butchers who are after me for a reason I have no idea why. So if I want to go for a walk, I'll remember to take one of your firearms with me next time, what do you want me to take? MK9? Your dad's rifle or SMG?" I shouted back at him going towards the house again.

Why the hell did my temper always get me into trouble with people?

Heading upstairs I grabbed a quick shower, changed into cams, t-shirt and my boots before drying my hair and braiding it back off my face. Grabbing my gear, badge and weapon from the locked drawer beside the bed, I headed back down to the kitchen to grab bottled water and found Steve leaning against the wall against the table. He didn't look happy and his eyes were wide open, he had the look in them that he had when he told me he was being shipped out.

My heart thumped slightly and I looked up in concern as he moved towards me slightly and frowned as my fingers shook slightly.

"I'm sorry Sadie this is getting too personal for me to deal with, I just got you back after two years of missing your smile and laugh and then I found out you had been put into a situation that should never have happened and you were seriously wounded and held it from me. Now this…..the team after you, your cousins murder…I can't protect you unless you're fully honest with me from now on," Steve said pouring out his feelings.

Turning around to him I could see it in his eyes he loved me with every piece of his soul, but the strain of all the crap I had come with was taking its toll on him emotionally. Staring at him in the eyes I nodded.

"Okay, you win. I resign." I replied walking out the door.

I headed out the door and was just about to open the car door when I was spun around and slammed against the doorframe; Steve was livid, I could hear other people getting out a car and run across the gravel towards us.

"You are NOT quitting this team, why in god's name would you think I wanted you to do that? What has gotten into you this morning?" he demanded.

I flinched badly as he had spun me around and gripped his own arms as I fought the impulse to cry out as my back was pinned against the open frame; he glared at me and held my face between his hands.

"Well you went thermonuclear on me after a simple walk this morning, you have mollycoddled me since arrival and then you just dumped me…..so resignation is a good idea to stop anyone in this team from getting hurt and for me to squirrel away somewhere like you want; think that sums it up Commander!" I said back seething.

He stands back from me but continues to hold my face, his eyes are searching mine for any hint of self-preservation and finds none.

"I didn't break up with you, I told you how I felt! I'm not the kind of man who openly displays strong emotions….blame SEAL training for that or all the shit that's happened in my life, but I love you, and I am terrified in case anything happens to you and my family," he replied gesturing to the entire group standing beside their cars.

I breathed deeply then dropped my head in complete embarrassment, I thought he had split from me cause he didn't want to deal with all the bullshit that had happened recently….I didn't spot that he was trying to come clean with some of his own emotions and I had just went off on a tangent.

"I….I'm sorry Steve. I thought you had enough of all this crap and just wanted me gone, I don't want to leave the team and I sure as hell don't want to leave you. I am terrified of what could happen to everyone connected to me…..It feels like I should just hand myself over to them," I whispered as he held me.

He grips me tighter and pulls me into his chest as he breaths in the smell of my body wash and shampoo, I can feel the stress in him and the arousal, I blink and blush at the same time as he pulls my face up to his.

"This is why I asked you never to be assigned to an active unit above grade four, ff I had known how high they had placed you…I should have kept a better eye on your progress after I left." He said cuddling me closer.

The others had left us once they knew everything was fine and after a few minutes we followed them in our cars, I was told to drive in front of Steve where he could keep an eye out for anything suspicious and I could make a clean break if needed; nothing interesting happened on the way to the office, I turned the music up, enjoyed the ocean breeze and tried to get used to the Hawaiian way of driving!

Parking up in the bays I saw my car had been removed for processing but there was still the sticky marks of where I landed with the box….no, I wasn't going to think about that now….focus on the job at hand today….I can go to pieces once these bastards are gone. Grabbing my gear I headed into the Iolani main office, grabbed my mail and went upstairs to start working on the timeline that Joe requested. As I got to my office I had to slam open the windows due to the smell of decomp still in the air. That was the worst part of being a trained medic….you could smell death pretty damn quickly if it was in an advanced state.

Dumping my bag on the chair I grabbed my notepad and laptop and sat on the floor under the window to begin work.


	13. Chapter 13

Later that morning after two car chases, three drug busts and busting some idiot's nose that drew a weapon on Kono, I was busy back on the floor catching up with the information that had been delivered from JSOC. They had been pretty clear that they were willing to help, but they wanted the honour of bringing the disgraced SEALS in; I told them that was fine with me, but I got to see them first when they were getting interrogated.

They agreed, if any of them survived.

It was after 2 o'clock when the door opened and Kono walked in and invited me to lunch, I was onto something with the research and didn't want to break my stride so I asked her to just bring me some apple juice back if she could grab some. About twenty minutes later Danny sat down in front of me on the floor and handed me a huge pizza box and bottle of apple juice, he closed the lid of the laptop and grabbed a slice of pizza, shoved it on a napkin and handed it to me.

"You know my ex-partner kidnapped my daughter and tried to force me to kill my ex-wife's husband, not that I would ever want to kill someone deliberately, but I came really close that day for what he put my family through. Thankfully, and I pray to god for this daily, that this team takes everything that happened to you past and present to heart and wants revenge as much as you do; and will use every means to ensure it happens. Steve has probably told you what we have had to do in the past, just because you had an argument this morning, that's not going to change anything." He said gently.

I blushed and put my pizza down, my stomach still wasn't settled and I took a drink instead to calm the butterflies.

"Underneath all that Navy Seal bravado, he is a fucked up, emotional wreck who had to listen to his father being murdered on the phone – he blames himself for everything and since you arrived, we're seeing a different side of him and it makes us all happy that he has found someone who causes him trouble as he needs to face his own demons while helping you!" he continued.

I looked at him and sighed, more than embarrassed about what's been happening recently and then the public argument this morning.

"Danno, I am a fully trained combat medic with full weapons and close quarters training, put me in a situation on a battlefield I will know what to do immediately. I have never worked in this type of environment before and feel like I am screwing everything you have worked so hard for up. I don't know US laws and regulations, I…..I'm trying to learn on the job, but I'm scared in case I'm just not worth the hassle. And the public argument this morning, that was – I don't know what that was – I don't have experience in relationships – at all!" I whispered back honestly.

Danny blinked and then smiled kindly.

"Hey, let me tell you something! When Steve arrived here to lead the new task force I thought I would kill him by the end of the first day, he saved my life twice that day, once by getting me shot and blasted out backwards through a window; the second time by beating this guy to a bloody pulp with his ninja skills. He thought he was only going to use the task force to find the killer of his father, he did that. He continued on because he learned the ropes, just as you will. Don't be so hard on yourself, this isn't a race, we learn on the job and we make mistakes…..but we are all there for each other. Chin, Kono, everyone, we all know what has been done and what you have been through; we may hopefully never experience it for ourselves, but when one of us is hurt, we all feel it and it motivates us to find those responsible. Now, I know you have more advanced training that your telling Steve, its noticeable in the way that you move during take downs….It might be a good time to claim that free pass now and come clean about what exactly happened during your training."

I sat there and groaned, I hadn't really thought about it as it was ingrained in me on how to move, feel and think during situations that evolved during missions…..how long had he suspected?

"How long have you known?" I asked him blankly.

"A few days, more noticeable today after you went to JSOC with Steve. Your whole body language just relaxed and went with the flow of the take down, I have never heard of a female SAS though, experimental?" he replied blowing out through his teeth and leaning against the table.

"Danny, you cant…." I started freaked out.

He raised his hands and shook his head.

"It won't go past me until YOU have told Steve!" he promised.

I ran my hands over my hair and face and sighed.

"I can't give you any details, but yeah, experimental. I found out about it via Thompson, he wanted me to go for the selection test so he trained me with my close combat and got me up to the required fitness and Scuba requirements to complete my RD training. I was one of six females chosen, transferred to the base in Iraq, put on missions with the actual teams and then scored and focus trained on weak areas. Everything was fine until the mission I was given lead of…" I slurred off as my nose started bleeding heavily.

Grabbing napkins I stood up and leaned over the bin to staunch the flow, handing me more napkins, Danny sat on the chair and just watched as I cleaned up.

"Okay, what the hell caused that? You feeling alright?" he asked looking at the blood stained napkins in the bin.

I nodded and looked in the small mirror I pulled from my desk.

"That was what memory recall does to your brain if you have my issues. I'm fine as long as it doesn't happen again but I'm going to have to go to the hospital on base for a check…..doctors' orders." I replied grabbing some water.

Danny nodded and grabbed his keys from his pocket.

"Alright I'll drive you over, no way are you able to drive if your brains making you bleed over your office!" he said grabbing my arm and guiding me out the office.

An hour later I was sitting on the chair opposite my neurologist's desk when the door opened and Steve came in, waving him in I pulled up a seat.

"What the hell happened? Danny said you were talking and then your nose just started bleeding. You alright?" he demanded.

"Yeah I'm fine. The doctors just away to double check the results. Basically I had a memory unblock and it caused a sharp rise in my blood pressure, should be fine as long as it doesn't happen a lot - just waiting to get the all clear!" i replied.

"Okay, desk duty for the rest of the week unless urgent - can't risk your health - what would have happened if you had been driving?"

I looked at him and smiled.

"I'm alright Steve, Danno got me here in time and i was checked out, come join me and wait on the doctor!" i replied.

A while later after the doctor had cleared me to leave; we headed along to the highway back towards the office and the research I had left before the chat with Danny. Grabbing my gear I was passed a message from one of the officers at Dispatch and headed upstairs to use the phone.

"Corporal McGregor, thank you for calling me back so soon, I do realise this is quite difficult to arrange due to distance and family connections. I have arranged everything as requested by the family back in Dundee and you have full authority to manage any of the affairs in relation to the army and property in Hawaii. The USMS has granted permission for him to be interred at the Military cemetery in two days' time, all funding has been provided and the service will take place at 11am."

"Thank you Father, that's good news and I really appreciate everything you have done for my family; I have been asked to pass messages of thanks from everyone. Least we know that Robert will be buried somewhere he loved." I replied.

"I will see you in two days then Lieutenant, if you have any concerns then please feel free to contact me at Hickam."

Half an hour later I was busy uploading all my research onto the SkyDrive we had set up for research into Bravofourniner from my office and also fired an email off to Max to allow him to release the details to JSOC regarding any details he had found during his autopsy. I had the next two days off, mainly to prepare any last minute details required and to get some rest as ordered by the neurologist to ensure that no residual issues were lingering. The rest of the team were busy questioning the haul from this morning and doing background checks on any known accomplices that Thompson or his squad could be using; we had hit zero on that search but everyone was looking at it from different angles to ensure all the bases were covered. By the time we had fully completed what could be done without JSOC getting back to us with more information; it was well after midnight and all of us were exhausted. My car had been fully cleaned and serviced by HPD and I was delivered the keys around 9pm, but I still couldn't face driving it quite yet…..not till after the funeral was dealt with. Chin had guessed I would feel like that and HPD had rented a 4x4 for my use for the next couple of days.

Grabbing my bag again, I headed down to the car park and drove down the highway before deciding to go to the beach instead and relax for a little while. Parking up outside the house I went around the garden and found Steve sitting there with Danny enjoying a beer. Smiling at them laughing I realised the partnership Danny was taking about earlier that afternoon was very much based on trust and respect for each other…I must be going nuts as I started to contemplate telling him about the SAS training.

"Hey boys….any beer left?" I said heading towards them.

Both of them turned around…Shit!

I drew my weapon at the man I thought was Danny and stood back; Steve had stood up immediately and held his hand up.

"Wow Sadie…..what the hells the problem?" he demanded.

"Bravo Tango!" I shouted to him.

Within seconds shots had been fired at both Steve and me, we hit the deck and ran for cover. The man had disappeared and I checked the area with Steve watching my back before collapsing on the sand bank. Staring at him I just laughed in complete amazement at what had happened.

"Are you alright?" he demanded checking me over.

"Yeah I'm fine thanks, how about you….no injuries?" I replied back checking him for any signs of wounds.

"My blood pressure just shot up twenty points but I'm good…do you want to explain that manoeuvre?" he demanded.

"How do you know Lucas Mitchell?" I asked quickly.

"Former team mate…..why did you bravo tango on him?" he demanded back.

I stood there shocked to the spot. He was team mates with one of the men who was hell bent on killing me?

"Cause he is one of the members who died in the ambush, and I have a guess that they were here to scope out how much I was aware of and what we had been doing with JSOC. I safe worded as I saw him draw his weapon behind you….." I tried to explain before getting stopped by the police sirens.

Running round the corner came Danno, Chin, Kono and half of SWAT….well…at least we knew that the listening spots where working. They all sighed in relief at finding us both alive and unhurt. I walked over and gave them a description of what had happened and thanked the SWAT leaders before standing them down. We all agreed they would stay close, but we all also knew the men wouldn't try anything again for a few days since we had them on camera this time.

"This day has started shitty and ended shitty….im going to bed!" I said waving to Steve.


	14. Chapter 14

By twelve the next afternoon I had taken care of most of the business for the next day, both of our dress uniforms were being steam cleaned, flowers organised, wake organised for the beach bar later that night; the family couldn't make it due to grief, so I agreed to take the responsibility of everything and take care of the business as required. I promised them I would visit as soon as possible, but they understood I had business to deal with first.

The rest of the day was just relaxing, Steve was trying to keep me busy by going surfing, volunteering to take me shopping for new clothes and even going to the rifle range to get some stress relief, I decided that today I needed to get the conversation with Danny out into the open and I was trying to psych myself up as I rustled up lunch in the kitchen and prayed for small mercys!

Steve was busy tinkering with the Marquis in the garage when I brought him a beer and lunch out, I had gone all out and made chicken noodle salad for him, even promised steak for dinner! While he sat munching it with chopsticks and a grin across his face I plucked up the courage and started.

"I need to tell you something and I don't want you to go postal as it was my decision and in hindsight now, it's a doozy!" I whispered before he freaked out.

"Okay…what's on your mind?" he said wiping his mouth.

I paced the floor for a moment and then sucked in a deep breath, he looked at me with a smirk on his face, he knew I got embarrassed about asking questions about relationships and he knew that he would be my first when I decided to go for it – he just didn't expect what came out of my mouth now.

"Operation Sparx, does it ring a bell?" I whispered.

He frowned and had a quick drink as he racked his brains, he then clicked and nodded as he located the information in his brain somewhere.

"Yeah, it was experimental, we had to decide the pros and cons on it after a briefing….why? Are you part of the panel or have friends on the recruit list?" he said warily.

I paced the room cracking my knuckles.

"No. I was number six. That's the real reason I was in Falcon Base. The final exams were that week, but were delayed due to the incident; I think that's why Bravofourniner are after me….I think we found something out after studying all their mission histories. Danno and me where talking yesterday and then something unblocked part of the black hole…..i remembered faces, names…..even Thompson trying his luck one night outside the commissary…..a lot is still in the dark, but it came back to me out of nowhere and there is useful leads to us from it." I said turning back round to him.

He was standing there stiff as a board, eyes glaring at me with recriminations and anger…..shit….this was not going to be good. He moved towards me very slowly and my senses told me to run, he had his SEAL persona back on and it was not happy to hear the breaking news.

"You were member six…from Sparx….one of the most controversial experiments done by the US and UK forces?" he asked.

I looked in his eyes and nodded, swallowing slowly as I saw his muscles clench and his eyes darken.

"Yes. If things hadn't gone sour then I would have been active leader of the first female SAS team members in the history of the forces, the other five were from air force, army, navy and reserve units that volunteered for the duty. Since I was the only medic who applied, I was thought to be the weak spot in the chain and they could try to exploit that weakness; Thompson caught on quickly to what they were going to do and started to train me….how do you think I got my weapons and close quarters so quickly." I replied.

He paced the garage, both hands going through his hair in disbelief, turning to me he grabbed my shoulders and pinned me to the garage wall…within seconds I was free and he was standing back as my defences had come back with a force. He stood staring at me in disbelief, I had used a tactic that he was not expecting me to be aware of and he was caught off guard.

"That's a move only known to SEALS….it takes months of practice to do safely…" he said stretching his shoulder.

"And you'll be happy to know that's really the first time I have managed to do it properly…" I replied with tears going down my face.

He grabbed my wrist and held me as I calmed down my breathing and his, I promised him truth today and I delivered; but I also knew he had to process this for a few minutes so I grabbed a seat and my beer.

"Why in gods name would you volunteer for Sparx, you're a medic, you save lives…..you respect the way of nature, of life….but the training would have put you in direct conflict and could have killed you!" he whispered.

I cooled my own temper down and held onto his waist as he ran his hands over my shoulders and back to ease the tension running through my body; he knew what this must have cost me to tell him – he was thanking me by keeping me close and supporting me as I relaxed.

"It almost did Steve, several times! The training killed the rest of the team on their fifth mission when I was recovering, Joe sent me the details…..it looks like Mitchell set the trigger switch onto their Humvee that blew them up in Afghan. I'm telling you this now as it's the biggest secret I had, there is no more secrets between us now, at least none that I remember. Joe knows all the details, I spoke to him earlier today, and he's going to meet us after the funeral tomorrow with some more info from Pearl."

He sat on the chair and just looked at me before laughing, looking at him funnily I was dragged in towards him and held against him as he shook.

"You know, Sparx would have worked….six females armed to the teeth….god help anyone who got on your bad side!"

"Yeah, we looked weak and girly…..the trainers found that out the hard way during one of the exercises….we lasted for 98 hours floating on 'Survival Island'. I always told Master Chief that Brownies taught us ninja skills."

He ran his fingers over my face and dried my eyes, I wanted him there and then but he shook his head.

"Not that I don't want you Sadie but it would be too painful for your first time when I am trying to deal with this news – it would end up feeling like I was using you to calm myself down and I want to give you nothing by pleasure!" he whispered.

I went beetroot as he said the last sentence, he pulled me in for a deep kiss and then held me close as we processed the information, now he just had to go speak to Joe about all this and he would leave telling everyone else up to me.

The next morning we both got up early and decided to go swimming, Steve had shown me the Hawaiian goodbye ritual that we could do as a team later on to lay things to rest, for a couple of hours I relaxed and just finally enjoyed the beautiful paradise that Oahu was, I see why Robert loved it now.

An hour later after getting sorted, I was standing downstairs in my dress uniform putting the final touches to my hair; Danny, Kono and Chin all arrived in dress uniform and I had told them to make themselves at home. Steve came downstairs and wrapped the black ribbon across my RAMC insignia, heading off twenty minutes later we arrived at the chapel for the service and then travelled by car to the graveyard to inter Roberts's coffin as requested.

Both Steve and I stood at attention as the coffin was lowered, giving a final salute of farewell to him, I shut myself down, if I cried I would keep going….the bastards were not going to win this one! The funeral was very basic by request, a lone piper played Highland Cathedral as the coffin was lowered and the Priest gave final prayers. Ten minutes later, after thanking those who came, I headed back to where Steve was at his father's grave along the path.

"What does it feel like? To catch the person who destroys part of your soul? Does it feel right to want to put a bullet in their head?"

"No, never kill unless necessary….it takes too much to recover from." He replied taking my hand in his.

"I would have loved to meet him, he must have been a wonderful man!" I whispered.

Steve looked at me and nodded, I bent down and placed the small bunch of roses in the spike and cleared the headstone in the grass of debris, it was simple but beautiful – very much like his son.

We headed home a while later after taking a walk to clear our heads and visit some other graves, I hadn't had time to do the whole tourist thing yet, so we agreed to go to Pearl on our next day off and see the Arizona and other memorials from the war. All of us had been given the day off by the Governor and would only be called if urgent; we agreed to meet up at Kamekona's for lunch and spend the afternoon on the beach relaxing.

At lunchtime we met up and I got introduced to Kamekona who I instantly loved for his complete savvy attitude, grabbing a table we got introduced to some new recipes he had been developing, I decided on the chicken and beef and he was desperate for me to try the shrimp jambalaya.

"Hate to tell you this Kamekona…I don't eat fish!" I said apologetically.

He stares at me in shock and I grin at his expression.

"I have never met anyone who doesn't eat fish….." he said shocked.

"Wait a minute…you don't eat fish, but on a yearly basis you eat a sheep's stomach stuffed with oatmeal and organs and whatever else?" Danno said shaking his head.

"Pretty much…the Haggis is a one nighter deal with plenty of drinks…..Fish, I will swim with, feed bananas…don't eat them cause I don't like them!"

"Do you think your fragile stomach can handle Kamekona's jambalaya then? Super spicy, three chilli special?" he said grinning.

"Bring it big boy, I'll even top the challenger list if you want?" I replied laughing.

Shaking my hand he went off to sort out the challenge and the others were shaking their heads at us, grinning I laughed at them and downed my coconut water….a little trick I had learned from eating spicy things.

"I've had some of this challenge before, sure your stomach can handle it…..it's probably strong enough to be weaponised!" Steve whispered.

I nodded and kissed his cheek.

"I love spicy things, they give you a little buzz due to the endorphin rush….but please don't expect any 'special kisses' for a day or so…..it would fall off!" I whispered back grinning.

He went slightly red, we hadn't had sex yet – didn't mean we didn't enjoy each others body in other ways – and he was damn glad I had agreed to that option!

Twenty minutes later I was handed a plate of food that smelled wonderful, digging in I was hit by the wall of heat from the spices but just went to my happy place and munched right through the meat, rice and vegetables; it was delicious and authentic Hawaiian food. Ten minutes later I dropped my fork on the empty plate and had a stretch before leaning back against the post.

"Kamekona, where is the challenge….the appetiser was delicious!" I shouted towards his truck.

Everyone burst out laughing as he came over and stared at me in utter surprise, he really didn't think I would manage to eat it, I wasn't that slender, but a healthy appetite and strong muscles due to my work and training had helped burn carbs to my benefit.

"What do you know? The Highlander can shovel her food away…..that was some seriously impressive moves there girl!"

"That was some seriously delicious food, little more salt next time," I said hugging him for a free meal.

Chatting for a little while we grabbed our boards and headed to the beach, I had never surfed before and Kono was giving me the crash course on how to stay on board when you hit the waves. Laughing my head off as I was told what Danny was like doing the same thing, I had completely forgotten that I was in my half suit and I was getting a lot of stares from people about my back. Sighing I shrugged my shoulders and headed to the water to try out some of the moves on the lighter waves.


	15. Chapter 15

Roughly an hour later I was sitting on my board watching the whales who were breaching the waters further out in the deeper sea, they were amazing and I could see the appeal of surfing now; I could tell the tide was starting to come in now and that's when some of the bigger waves were due to start coming in but I was tired and decided to head back to the shore. A sudden piercing noise flooded the area and everywhere people were running from the beach, slamming myself down on the board I pulled through the water towards the beach to find out what the hell was going on, I could feel the pull of the water trying to pull me back, I turned around on my board and saw that the sea had pulled back from the shore and the biggest wave I have seen was coming towards me at speed – this was going to be bad!

I slammed myself down on the board and paddled as hard as possible as the wave sucked me up higher and I could feel the wave crest over my head; I hyperventilated as much as possible and at the last moment I spun around, using the board as a shield as the water crashed over me. I was pulled back and under a huge pipe-wave, gripping the board to give myself some shade and buoyance I sucked in a huge gulp of air and let the wave curl over me taking me deep under the water. I needed to get to the bottom of the sandbank that was about 20 foot under the waves, the riptides at surface level were going to get me killed and the deeper I went the better. I was thrown up into the surf coughing and grabbed my board again and another deep breath, I was about 300 meters from the beach and needed to get closer…..time to walk the sea floor.

Everyone was on the beach, they knew I was still in the sea somewhere and Steve was shouting at the coastguard unit to get support out into the sea, Danno was searching the horizon for any sign of me, knowing that I was trained to endure this situation if it happened while diving. Steve came running over and started to don a wetsuit for diving if needed; Kono joined him and jumped onto the jetski that was ready for launch.

"Guys, the wave has finished as it hit the sandbank but it's pretty fierce out there with the currents, be careful and listen for commands!" the CG ordered.

They both nodded and Steve got into launch position and hit the ignition as Kono scrambled aboard and held on.

"Okay, the wave from the quake probably dragged her under the surface and further out to the north shore, she would have hyperventilated and kept hold of the board for support; she is fully trained to survive being caught at sea…..let's find her and bring her back alive." He ordered the search team.

"Contact us if she makes it ashore or is found either way Danno," Kono whispered.

Nodding she followed Steve onto the jetski and headed out as point searcher.

I had been spun around under the sea and managed to get to the bottom before the next major wave hit me from behind, I was exhausted and bleeding from being battered across rocks under the surface area, a deep scratch was right across my stomach from a spiked sea urchin under the sea and it was burning from the poisonous barb stuck under the skin. I had been thrown outwards into the sea again, maybe a couple of miles further down the sea towards the north, I needed to get onto my board and head towards the shore and a phone to call anyone and let them know I was okay.

"Okay McGregor…time to get on the board and head for land!" I said to myself.

Climbing onto the now split board I spun around and checked the position of the sun, spinning around again I started paddling against the waves, I had thought about what had caused the freak wave, my guess was underwater landslide; it was an educated guess on the force of what hit me and the training for RD. I knew I was at least a couple of miles out in the open water and would need to get to medical attention for the barb as soon as possible, but the cramps were now kicking in. I knew it was the start of big problems as cramp in the water is not a good thing to deal with and my resting places were limited to the half destroyed board I was lying on, thinking positive thoughts I rested for a little while and then headed back towards the shoreline that I could just make out in the distance…..something bumped into my legs….something big, heavy and rough.

A pointed fin broke through the surface.

"Oh for the love of god…..sharks!" I yelled.

The blood in the water had attracted a shark, by the size probably a Tiger or Mako shark, swinging my legs onto my board I bit back a scream as the salt hit my wounds on my stomach that had been protected by my vest. Ripping open the side pocket, I grabbed the packet of shark repellent and exploded the pouch under the water. The water turned green instantly as the powder dissolved and the shark swam out of its reach. I lay on the board and blew out all the air in my body, trying to centre myself; I burst out in tears instead and just cried. My first normal day out with everyone and I nearly drown, get circled by a shark and now too exhausted to continue swimming towards the shoreline and safety. The board was gently floating on the surface; I closed my eyes….

The jetski was pounding the surface as Kono and Steve looked for me, they had guessed that I was dragged towards the north by the undertow and wave, they just didn't know how far I was out to sea; the comms radio kicked in from the Coast Guards chopper that was deployed over the local area.

"Commander McGarrett, we have a possible sighting of a body on the surface, head 010 to your starboard and two clicks up the shore."

"Received!" he yelled back over the radio.

Slamming the accelerator to max they made their way across the surface and Kono looked through the binoculars to try and spot anything.

"Steve, dead ahead, it's definitely someone on a board!" she yelled over the spray a few minutes later.

Steve got to the area within seconds and jumped into the water and swam across towards the board, he noticed the repellent in the water and looked about for the shark; he flipped the half board away and moved the wet hair off my face and turned towards the jetski.

"KONO IT'S HER! CALL FOR THE PARAMEDICS TO MEET US AT THE SHORELINE!"

He grabbed the board and pulled it over the carry unit at the back of the jetski, flipping me onto it, he grabbed the straps and supported my body back to the shoreline; Kono hit the throttle and a few minutes later had skidded up the beach and shut everything off before running across to Steve who had dragged me onto the beach and started CPR.

"Damn you Sarah….breathe!"

Kono signalled to the paramedics who were running across with their gear and waited for McGarrett to bring me around as they stuck leads on me and started up trauma care.

After what must felt like hours for him I opened my eyes and coughed all the sea water up I had swallowed in the last few moments of consciousness, rolling to my side I brought everything up and then rolled back to gasp as the sand hit my scuff marks. Looking up at them both I grinned then passed out cold again.

I woke up in a cool bed with the curtains drawn so I could see outside; it was pitch black out there and I could see every star twinkling in the sky, looking about I was in the hospital again, I flinched trying to move and felt the stitches across my stomach ache and relaxed immediately. I was attached to monitors, three IVs and a smaller anti-venom solution via a double cannula in my hand; I turned the other way and saw him asleep in the corner of the room on a big padded chair. He looked stressed out…again!

I tried to talk, bad move….the saltwater had really caused raw patches in my throat and it was too painful to speak loudly, I noticed my bag was beside me, grabbing it I looked inside and found my phone. Typing a text message out shakily I heard it delivered to the receiver and him pull it out and look at it, snapping his head up, I waved and grinned as he jumped over to me.

"I agree, one normal day without incident would be nice! Are you alright?" he demanded brushing my hair out the way and putting it into a ponytail out the way.

"That sucked!" I whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah, there was no warning what so ever…..i actually think my heart stopped after seeing you go under the wave!" he whispered soothingly.

I ran my hand over his face and dragged him down for a kiss, he held me as we both shook from shock and the joy of finding each other safe.

"Everyone else alright?" I asked a while later after falling asleep for an hour.

"Yeah, they will be here in the morning to see you, they all saw what happened and need to make sure you're okay…..think you aged Danno!"

"Oh dear, beer on me then!" I replied laughing.

He laughed and took my hand, squeezing it I smiled and yawned.

The door opened and the nurse walked in holding new IV bags and meds, thanking her as she left I noticed the time; it was past 7am in the morning….i had been out for over 12 hours.

"What caused the freak wave?" I croaked.

"Underwater landslide about thirty miles away, Oahu only got a small wave and we had maybe five minutes warning, not everyone was as lucky. The US Geological team are working the area, our team have a robbery to look into," he replied stretching.

"A robbery happened during the wave?"

"Yeah, whoever executed the breach was trained and prepared for a completely clean get-away. No prints, security footage….anything!" he replied.

"Okay, when can I come back to work and help?" I requested.

He turned back to me and laughed as I was struggling to get out of the bed.

"Not so fast soldier. The doctors want you in for at least 24 hours more and then your being scheduled for a psych evaluation…..not my call…in fact it was ordered by the USAMC. They want a full evaluation done to see if you're fully fit after everything that's going on," he said putting me back to bed.

"I can pass that test within minutes as you are well aware and I only have bumps and bruises to deal with. So, unless there is something you're not telling me….." I said staring at him.

He looked up at me and i knew he had bad news, the look he was sporting was only seen once before - and thats when i told him about Sparx.


	16. Chapter 16

"You have been ordered to the psych evaluation board by someone from JSOC, standard procedure during these types of investigations, they need to ensure that you're mentally fit to carry firearms and not go crazy due to the trauma your file has just uncovered to them. The Governor has suspended your badge temporary until the matter is resolved."

I got off the bed and stiffly paced the room, I had basically been benched by the government and the army for dealing with issues as required and now I am getting hammered by them for getting swallowed by a giant wave!

I stopped and flinched as I turned too quickly, Steve moved and put me back onto the end of the bed and brushed my hair out of my eyes.

"So…let me get this clear? Someone up the chain of command has heard that I've had a rough time of it, managed to deal with the issues through recommended panels and now slams my career down the shitpan because they read a file on me?" I hiss.

"It's not as easy as that Sadie! Think about this from our prospective," he said grabbing my shoulders and holding me still.

Looking up at him I cocked my head to the side and looked at him in the eye, he was pissed off at the situation himself, but I could tell he was also grateful for it…that pissed me off even more. Shrugging my shoulders to free myself, I sat on the chair in the corner and sighed.

"Enlighten me Commander since you seem to be happy about this whole situation!" I said seething.

He looked at me and I saw exactly the moment he went into his 'cold mode', he had the look on his face the first time I met him…..

"You know what, I am happy this happened right now! You are a 27 year old woman with advanced medical and combat training and you have had a shit hand of cards dealt recently; you were captured, tortured by unknown enemies and the psychological damage that can cause has already been demonstrated with that stunt with the drugs and alcohol. I'm not pretending to know everything that has happened to you and how you're dealing with it, but I sure as hell demand to know any issues your still having so we can work through them together. Your physical scars are only a reminder to us all of the danger we put ourselves in serving our countries, you double fold since you went through Sparx. I still have trouble believing that you managed to complete your training, you're not exactly material for SAS!" he said harshly.

My eyes blazed at that last snide comment and I sat up quickly and stared him straight in the face.

"Fuck you Steve…..I worked hard for my career….one that I was not too sure I was cut out for! Then I trained, I worked hard and studied, qualified and was deployed barely three weeks later. Then I met you. I don't regret anything after that…..until Thursday 25th August 2011." I shouted back.

He looked at me and it dawned on him I had told him the date of exactly when I was on lead patrol.

"Yeah, I remember the date, one of the very few things I do remember about that whole week, the date and time, the pain of the lashes….the smell of crystal meth being cooked up by locals; try dealing with those issues and not coming out fucked up!" I seethed back at him.

He glared at me and held me still.

"Can you explain the drugs in your system when you crashed? The alcohol that you drank like water….explain those to me huh….you tried killing yourself! You decided to take the cheat's way out of life!" he spat back at me.

He was pacing the room again, I noticed Danny standing outside the door via the window, he was pacing about trying to be distracted and keep the doctors out of the room as we argued; Steve turned back round to me and blew air out between clenched teeth.

"Why did you turn to drugs Sadie? Can you explain that to me as its one piece of the puzzle I can't figure out about you? You worked with youth in social services to get them off drugs into rehab….why turn yourself into a user? The drugs in your system were Afghani base mix; that tells me you started over there!" he pleaded.

I looked up at him and tears fell down my face, I pulled my jumper closer round me like a security blanket and took a deep breath.

"I was given a choice by whoever had me at the time." I whispered.

"What do you mean a choice? Who gave you a choice….Thompson and his team? Local cell?" he demanded.

I nodded back.

"What was the choice? Cells don't have any needs of females unless they strap a bomb to them…..was that the offer? Cause I bet that you would shoot yourself first!" he said through clenched teeth.

Danny had come in and was pulling down the curtains to shield us from the people looking in, I pulled myself into a ball on the chair and took some deep breathes before giving away the last bit of information I remembered; I royally freaked out when I remembered this and put myself through a full medical exam to find if there was any signs of rape – thankfully there was none and I was cleared of any issues.

I looked up at Steve, his eyes were roaming over me and I knew he could sense that this was going to be bad for me to talk about, he calmed down and sat on the other chair close to me and opened his hands in peace.

"What was the choice Sadie?" he whispered.

"Work the meth or work the men….. That was the choice I was given. I chose to put my lab skills to good use and cooked up crystal meth for them, what I didn't expect was for them to test every batch I made on me! They did it after every beating I received, so as a personal reminder to myself, that they owned me and they made sure I never forgot it. They sure as hell tried raping me, but learned quickly that hypodermic needles in the eyes are painful and after disabling one of their numbers, I was lashed again for the second time in one day." I replied bluntly.

Danny had the same body language as Steve did now, dragging his hands through hair and breathing through his teeth, leaning against the wall he looked at me and shook his head.

"Why the hell did you not tell us this before? The PTSD therapy is unique if rape is ever involved as a coercion tactic, does your own CO know about what they tried – have you been medically checked out?" he said looking at me.

I nodded and wiped away the tears, stupid hormones were getting in the way and talking about everything was turning me into a mess again so I slipped into my training and got everything out.

"I'm trained to endure, escape or come home in a box…..I chose another way, one that I could hopefully trace if it hit the public market; I was broken after being found. It took a lot of courage to come here, possibly not the best time as proven by what has happened, but thanks to you, Danny, Chin and Kono…..I am healing!" I said through tears to them both.

I stood up and walked over to the windows, Steve was standing stock still beside the door, I could see him process everything clearly now….the drug use, the hidden drinking….the complete head case I turned out to be when I arrived.

"Now you see me as I was…..a terrified woman who had been attacked, threatened with multiple rape attempts and used as a lab rat to test the efficiency of the meth I cooked up. A woman who just wanted to help wounded service personnel recover….to do some good in life. How I managed to survive during that week should never come into question by anyone, least of all you. You are one person who I thought would never question my loyalty, sanity and compassion to others…..but I see I was wrong."

Steve looked up at me and I saw tears in his eyes, so he wasn't so indifferent?

"You're stronger that I knew, stronger than SEALS I have worked with. I'm sorry Sadie, I had no right to doubt you, I should have known better!" he replied.

"Yeah, you should have. But since I am now under a benching order and you have criminals to go after, I think its better we just get on with our day hmmm?" I replied calmly.

"Sadie…" he whispered coming towards me.

"Don't!" I said holding up my hand and hitting the nurses call button.

"We can't leave the conversation like this Sadie….You and Steve need to work this out and fast!" Danny murmured giving me a hug.

Steve looked at me….his green/blue eyes were cloudy with tears and I knew he was trying to process all the info I had given him…..but I needed time to decide what to do now.

The nurse arrived and Steve and Danny headed away along the corridor, Danno looked back and saw me stand at the door, tears rolling down my face as they left.


	17. Chapter 17

I passed my evaluation with ease, I checked that the shrink had full clearance and went full out with the story; all details included and then went into what had transpired in the hospital room. The doctor just sat there dumbfounded at my bluntness and honesty, once I had finished I sat back and shrugged at him. He nodded, recommended I return on a weekly basis to deal with a few things that may happen, but he was satisfied that I was following protocol strictly and had passed every random test they could fire at me, I was still benched for a week to sort out some minor issues due to the wave injuries, but I was cleared for duty again at the start of next week.

Driving along the highway I decided to stop in and get some food from Kamekona's, I was starving and needed something filling before I ran out of energy; parking up in the lot opposite the beach I headed along the pathway and up to the truck parked beside the walkway.

"There she is, the unsinkable Highlander…..how are you doing sweet cheeks?"

Laughing I waved at him as he came around from the kitchen and gave him a hug, he was so like my uncle in mannerisms and personality that it was scary but very comforting.

We both heard noises and shouts come from the bar, people looked really unhappy and groups were being turned away for some reason.

"What the problem at the beach bar?" I said looking over at the hustle on the beach.

"Big party tonight, the musicians have come down with food poisoning and they may need to cancel a charity fundraiser if they can't hire a band in time," he replied.

I clenched my jaw and came up with a sudden plan.

"Not on my watch….make me a chicken spice for takeaway, I'll be back in a minute!" I replied.

Heading over to the beach bar I managed to find the manager and strike a deal for the team in exchange for helping out tonight, getting the main details of the gig and some music, I told him I would be back in a few hours to set up and got a table reserved. Heading back to Kamekona I grabbed my lunch and then headed to the house to get organised for tonight, I knew the team would be busy and I could surprise them tonight when they came for a drink after the take down; I needed to make some things right again and apologise for being a complete psycho and not doing a great job of improving.

Much later that night after some frantic organising and setting up of the piano and other instruments on the small stage set up, I had called in a favour from some friends at Hickam who were delighted to help out tonight; we all decided to wear dresses and have our hair wrapped up in long Hauula flowers….simple and practical. Meeting up with them and a small brief later, we got started with some gentle background music and then really started to kick out the tunes with me singing and the others on backing vocals on certain songs. I had spotted the team come in around 10pm and they looked exhausted but relaxed, thankfully none of them were hurt and they were enjoying a few beers. Steve was looking less happy due to earlier on, so I had made a small adjustment to one of the songs and when it started up, his head snapped up and looked at the stage.

"Holy shit…guys its Sadie!" Chin said over the table.

I launched into the opening chords of a favourite Nightwish song called Storytime, it was dark, moody and perfect for what happened earlier, I kept my eyes on the candles in the sconces around us; Steve stared at me over the crowd…I was smiling as I sang as his jaw was practically on the floor. I was singing for everything, getting all the emotion out of my system, all the anger and frustration again. Kono was laughing and dancing in her seat as she knew I was pretty decent on the piano and singing. I warped into another Nightwish song and this time the male singer joined me…..this one was more powerful as it literally gave Steve the story of what was going on in my head when I arrived here….hopefully he would understand that it wasn't in our control and that I was sorry.

I looked at him directly and smiled.

"This is a song for a very special person in the crowd, someone who is part of my team who I love with all I am…..Mahalo guys!" I said grinning.

A couple of hours later the charity gig was finished and we ended up doing a finale of Karaoke which was hysterical due to some of the crowds choice of songs, we finally called quits around 3am and I got up off the stage and headed over to grab my gear from behind the bar, a small envelope was leaning against my bag, grabbing it I headed over to the table where everyone was still sitting.

"Hey! The star of the evening! Damn girl you can rock the house!" Kono said hugging me.

I grinned and hugged her tight, she admired the basic long black dress I was wearing and the braided hair, she had a feeling tonight was the night for Steve and I – she was constantly telling me to seize the day and accept that something good had come into my life and I was stupid not to take it.

"Just for a good cause and we managed to raise the amount needed for the children's ward and the equipment, thanks to some talented musicians from base, the night was a huge success. Did you have a good time?" I replied sitting on the chair.

"Great time, beer, sand and family…all someone could want!" Chin said laughing.

"Cool! I am knackered, so I'm going home, don't be strangers!" I said heading towards the car.

Taking off my shoes I walked along the beach towards the car lot and relaxed my shoulders that were stiff from playing the piano for so long, heading to my car I noticed flowers on the bonnet and headed over to see if there was a note? Picking them up I smiled, they were my favourite wild flowers from the local area that I discovered during an extended walk.

"You were amazing tonight," a voice came from behind me.

Turning round I smiled at Steve and leaned against the bumper in front of the car, I thought he had disappeared from the bar before the end of the charity gig….seems he was picking flowers for me!

"They needed a help for tonight or the kids ward may not have happened, I couldn't let them down!" I replied.

He walked over to me and put my flowers down on the car bonnet again. Taking my hand he placed it over his chest and brought my chin up so I was looking at him.

"I am so sorry, I had no right to challenge you like that, especially since I know you have told me everything that's happened during the last two years. The emotional crap you have had to deal with, the physical pain and recovery process…your right, I have no idea what you personally have been through. But I have been tortured, I know the anger, the revulsion you can feel…..that is the biggest battle and you are winning," he whispered stroking my hair.

"Only because I have strength from you and the whole of the team, without them and you, I would be nothing; you kept me sane during that time, you were my happy thought during that whole ordeal….and once I heard you wanted me in the team….that is when I started to break down. Cause I never thought it would happen between us," I replied snuggling into his chest.

"Come home with me?" he whispered gently.

Nodding I let him lead me to his truck and we headed home along the highway.

I dug into my bag and pulled out the envelope I found earlier on, shrugging at Steve's enquiring look, I pulled it open and found a set of keys to a storage unit at the docks and a photo.

My heart thumped wildly in my chest and I clenched my eyes shut, I could feel the truck pull over suddenly and Steve grabs my wrist, I knew he was checking my vitals, I could feel the blood running down my chin and onto my dress. Grabbing a few napkins I staunched the flow and leaned forward.

"Let's get you to the emergency room and checked out, your pulse is going crazy! Now I see why Danno freaked out when he saw what the flashbacks do to you!" he whispered checking the bleeding.

I shook my head and showed him the blood had stopped almost immediately and wasn't as bad as it looked.

"I'm okay, I have an appointment tomorrow so I can let them know, and you're welcome to come with me. I just want to get home, a hot shower will do wonders!" I replied.

"You had another flashback?" he inquired checking my nose.

Nodding I cleaned my face up with the wet napkin and cleaned up my hands, the photo and keys were on the floor where I dropped them, Steve leaned forward and picked them up, I shut my eyes and leaned my head back against the headrest…..didn't need this right now.

"I want to go home Steve, I'll answer your questions there okay….after a shower!" I said grinning.

Starting the truck up again Steve glanced in the mirror and pulled out of the layby and headed home.


	18. Chapter 18

We arrived home twenty minutes later after a comfortable ride in the truck with the windows down and warm sea air blowing through the cabin, it was my favourite time of morning and I was so relaxed. Steve parked up and told me to stay in the cabin as he went to unlock the door and then came back to me, he opened my door and picked me up bridal style and shut the cabin door with a thud, I grinned at him and he kissed me as he walked up the small path into the house.

I looked around and saw the place covered in flowers, he had gone all out putting some homey touches around the place and the candles were lit – I knew immediately that Kono had been and she had set the mood for some romance. He punched in the alarm code and took me upstairs and into the bedroom where he gently sat me down on the bed and pulled off my sandals and gently rubbed my feet of the sand – I giggled as his nails raked across my arch and I saw his replying grin – yeah I was a giggler!

"Something new to discover every day huh?" he whispered as he leaned up to kiss me again.

I nodded and ran my fingers through his hair, I felt his spine bow slightly as I dragged my nails slowly across his scalp and he grinned into my mouth, he was a simple creature and loved basic things, he was so unsure of himself emotionally though – not surprising since his past and training made him block the possibility of love out due to a dangerous career.

I shook myself out of the memory and leaned into a longer kiss, my fingers wrapped around his face, feeling the curves of his jaw and chin, the small dimple he had as he smiled – the scar behind his left ear; he moaned into my mouth and I wiggled my toes into his combats.

"Sadie, we shouldn't start what we can't finish, I said we would wait until you were ready, but I am living the eternal cold shower here and I don't want to scare you off or push you too soon!" he whispered into my neck.

I leaned down and nibbled his ear as I started to pull his polo shirt off him, he looked up at me and I smiled.

"We're not stopping tonight baby," I whispered.

He looked at me and launched himself into my arms as he gently pressed me back against the bed lengthwise as he kissed me passionately, I could feel him through the material of his trousers and I wanted more; he raised himself slightly and I nodded as he pulled up my dress slightly and settled between my legs more comfortably as he kissed across my collar bone and up my neck. I gasped and groaned, unsure of what to do so I guessed and played with his ears, neck and spine as I stripped him of his top and heard his boots fall to the floor behind us. He suddenly pulled away and raised me up slowly, I was held in his arms as I felt him untie the braids at the back of my dress and slowly strip my dress off my shoulders, he kissed every scar over my shoulders, followed every mark over my upper chest and gasped at the bra I was wearing – he grinned and popped the front clasp and stripped it off me.

"So beautiful Sadie, you should never hide these badges of honour!" he whispered taking my breast in his hand and my nipple in his mouth, my spine bowed and I gasped as he sucked powerfully.

"I always thought they would turn you off, that's why I cover up, even in bed!" I replied gasping.

He looked up at me and shook his head, he took my hand gently and laid it across his groin, it was solid and I could feel the small damp spot and smiled gently as he looked back at me.

"Does that tell you how much they turn me on, you have survived hell Sadie – your body is mine and I intend to find every scar you have and make sure they are lavished with love and care!" he replied.

He shimmed me out of my dress and let it pool around my feet as he slipped my underwear off and laid me on the bed again, he stripped quickly and climbed on the bed beside me, I ran my fingers over the tattoos I loved so much and went lower and lower to hear him gasp as I rolled him balls in my hand. He took my face in his hands and brought my eyes up to his, I knew he was seeking permission and I nodded.

"I want this Steve, make love to me!" I whispered.

He tested me with his fingers, played with me as he felt how wet I was, how ready for him – I knew he looked huge and he felt huge in my mouth, stupid ideas of me being stretched beyond capable came into my mind and I shoved them out of the way as I felt him slid between my legs and settle for another kiss. He raised my left leg and wrapped it around his waist, he got himself into position and looked at me.

"It might hurt a little.." he started.

I grabbed him gently and directed him inside me slowly, gasping as I felt him stretch me and then stop suddenly; he took my hands and kissed me as I nodded – he thrust sharply and I squeezed his waist with my foot tighly for a moment and then felt him stop moving. I looked up at him and I thought he looked unhappy?

"Is something wrong?" I asked panicked.

He looked at me and chuckled, shaking his head he put my hand over his heart and I felt his heart racing.

"You are incredibly tight, and I am trying not to embarrass myself – also need to let you adjust to me – tell me when I can move?" he whispered.

I wrapped my other leg around his waist and felt him slide deeper, I gasped and rocked my hips, and he got the meaning and acceptance and began to move quicker and quicker.

I gasped as he picked up speed and changed angles, I never knew it could feel like this and that the body was capable of being wound up so tight, I was gasping in moments as I felt his whole long length slide in and out and the pleasant burn as he stretched me width ways – I was in heaven and he was taking me there. He kissed me deeply as he leaned on his elbows near my head, I dragged my nails down his back gently and felt him shudder, I twisted my hips and I heard him gasp. He looked down at me a few moments later and I saw the passion in his eyes.

"Sadie I'm close but I want to see you come – what do you need?" he whispered breathing hard.

I tightened my grip around his waist with my thighs and urged him on harder, I needed to feel him slam into me, needed him to get some fustrations out – he picked up speed and delivered blow after blow, he bit into my shoulder and with a final grunt and pinch of my clit we both came within seconds of each other and I cried out his name as I was sent hurtling over the edge – he clenched his eyes shut and I felt him pour himself deep inside me – the added lubrication making him slide deeper inside me which set me off again as the burn hit the end of my cervix.

We lay there for a few moments as we kissed and he held me, paying me every compliment and making sure that he didn't leave me until he slid out, I was exhausted and curled up as he slid off me and wthin moments I was asleep, wrapped around my lover with a grin and my hand over his heart as he slowly fell asleep as the sea crashed outside.


	19. Chapter 19

The next morning I was sitting on the beach in the backyard just after dawn, my head was splitting and the cool air was helping get rid of the lingering effects of the flashback; that was normally the worst part. The simplest of objects can trigger a response which leads to a memory being unblocked, this in turn causes a sudden increase in blood pressure and endorphin levels and risk of bleeding; I laughed at myself quoting the psychologists explanation, really helpful!

I heard a quiet shuffle over the waves, the backdoors had opened and someone was walking across the sand towards me.

"Good morning," I said over my shoulder.

He sat down behind me and pulled me between his knees to lean back and relaxes against him; handing me a bottle of water he kissed my neck and cuddled me.

"Good morning! You didn't sleep long enough, headache?" he inquired.

"A little bit of a headache, but more trying to work out where I have seen this cargo container…..it's really familiar for some reason and I can't place it! It's another clue, we're going to have to track it later on." I replied.

He nuzzled into my back and pulled my hair out of the way as he kissed along my shoulders and his hands wrapped around my chest.

"You okay, you're not sore?" he whispered.

I looked around at him and shook my head as I cuddled into him.

Both of our phones went off at the same time, checking our messages we headed off the beach to get organised and ten minutes later we pulled into the HPD car park. Heading into the office we saw why I had been called back to work early.

"You son of a bitch, what the hell are you doing back here?" I demanded.

Joe White was standing talking to Kono and Chin at the desk as we entered and they all turned to face me as I stormed into the office.

"Easy Sadie, he's on a peaceful mission; white flag included!" Chin said holding up his hands.

I got dragged into Steve's office and I could see everyone looking at us, apart from Joe. Steve was livid again as I had been ordered to keep my blood pressure down for the next couple of days.

"What is the matter with you?" he demanded.

I pointed to Joe and stared in his direction.

"That asshole is the reason I was benched! He squealed to a colleague and I got medically suspended because of it! That is a massive betrayal for me….."

He sat on the desk and looked at him through the window. I could see he was fitting all the pieces together and didn't like the answer to a few of his questions.

"What reason could Joe have for benching you?"

"Oh let's see!" I said sarcastically as I paced about the place.

"Calm it down Sarah. I know you're pissed and the irritability is just a side effect of the PTS…..but cool it down for me huh!" he hissed.

I looked at him and continued to pace the room; glancing outside I saw the rest of them look in and wonder what the hell was going on. Danny wanted to come in and Steve shook his head and held up his hand to stop him.

"I found out from a contact at JSOC that Joe has been making requests for files on Sparx' training routine; He had been requesting information that only a Training Officer would know to ask for. Personal weaknesses, dependencies on SAT scores….basic exploitation markers to be used against you. I only had one and the person who called in that bit of information was Brian Thompson. Thompson used that to gain information about you." I replied.

"Why would Thompson want information on me? At that point we had barely met; we were friends after you pulled me out of fire with your team and helped me recover. What information did Thompson want?" he replied.

I sat down on the chair and drew my knees up; I was still tired and emotional after all the recent crap and just wanted a fresh start after my time off. Steve noticed the point that I was starting to get agitated again and handed me a bottle of water and sat beside me.

"Sadie what did you find out? What could Thompson use my information for? Half of my records are classified from the SEALS; there is nothing in there that would cause him any reason to be suspicious!"

"What Operation were you on when we were called in for Medevac?" I asked bluntly.

"Sadie you are aware its classified." He replied in the manner trained into him.

I flinched and stood up; heading to the door I shouted on Joe to come in which he did and smiled in my direction. Inviting him to sit down I sat on the desk and looked straight at him before starting.

"Joe I am aware you went digging into my files and personnel records; don't deny it and insult my intelligence as I had plenty of active contacts left at JSOC too. I am also aware that you trained Bravofourniner."

Steve's head snapped up at that bit of news and Joe sighed.

"Wait, YOU trained the team? You said you had nothing to do with them Joe!"

"I'm not apologising for doing my job Steve, I have trained hundreds of SEALS over the years and I don't keep track of them all. Thompson passed his training along with his squad, but they were moved to OPS before assignment. I lost the trail there until I was called by you a few days ago. I had no idea they would come after you, that they even knew you had a connection with Steve!"

"Of course you knew Joe; you were head of the training department at Coronado. You even cleared me for Sparx – or had you forgotten in your advancing age!" I shouted back at him.

"Watch you manners soldier, you're not under my command but I can sure as hell take you down a few notches if needed!" he shouted back at me.

The guys outside had actually started to draw their weapons at one point as the atmosphere had hit about minus 20 in two seconds. Both Joe and I were face to face and Steve was shoving us apart before we caused injuries to each other. I never back down from a fight I know I should win, one of the many reasons I was unpredictable in a fight – a reason I was chosen for Sparx.

"Sadie, go for a walk and calm down, you know what the doctor said!" he whispered to me as Joe moved backwards.

"No, not until he admits that he caused this by letting slip over the phone that Thompson was the one you were after a year ago. He has to admit that much, that he screwed up and nearly got us all killed." I hissed to them both.

"I did my job Sadie; I confirmed the orders and trained the teams. No-one was lied too, and sure as hell didn't lie to Steve or his team!" Joe replied.

"Steve, you were sent to deal with an operation gone wrong; is that correct?" I whispered.

"I neither confirm nor deny." He stared blankly.

I blinked back the tears, the hurt and pain in my chest was getting worse – he had no idea at all about what that mission was really about.

"Joe, haven't you even told him the real reason he was sent on that mission? Didn't the dossier even give clear details of who his targets were?"

"No. He was ordered to execute the mission and report back with tags." Joe replied.

I turned to Steve and he looked at me with the cold steel bore of his training, I closed my eyes and hissed out a breath; I looked back up at Steve and his head moved slightly as he saw the returning stare that was drummed into me. Joe looked at me and stepped forward drawing his weapon; everyone else ran through with weapons drawn and aimed at me and Joe who were both pointing at each other with our firearms.

"Guys, come on…..this is not something we want to do right now!" Steve said trying to diffuse the situation.

"Commander McGarrett, you were ordered to complete Operation Strawberry Fields and to report back to Coronado for debrief and transfer to Naval Intelligence for debrief." I started.

Joe raised his weapon slightly higher and I mirrored the same action as did everyone else in the room. The outer room was now filling out with armed police wondering what the hell had caused the alarm to activate in the office.

"If you utter another word Sadie you risk your life, you have been through enough for any lifetime…..think about what you're doing to Steve right now. He loves you, and you're pointing a loaded weapon at someone who he calls a foster father, someone who he respects and has helped save his life. Do you want to risk his anger and hatred?" Joe whispered.

"You already did that," I replied lowering my weapon and holstering it.

I looked at Steve and handed him the envelope on the files.

"Operation Strawberry Fields was a covert mission to kill Thompson and his team after they were caught selling secrets to Al Qaeda. What you didn't know, is that JSOC and SACO had sent his team to kill the Sparx volunteers. You were sent to kill me by a phone call made by Joe White. Thompson didn't want to kill me to begin with, but he does now because I refused his advances and chose you instead. He wants revenge and has all the support of his resources." I replied.

Every one of the team stood silent in the room after hearing the information I received from JSOC. They knew I had just broken classified information about my past and could now suffer massive repercussions because of it. I looked at everyone and then headed out the room, down the stairs and into the car lot. I kept on walking along the road; I could hear the police cars turn off the sirens as they were stood down from the issues at HPD. I kept walking.

Steve watched me walk away; he was still rooted to the spot about what his mission four years ago was really about. He knew all the details inside and out, he remembered the briefing details and questions asked. He trusted Joe with his life and he had lied to him. He paced the room, everyone but Danny and Joe left and got the police officers calmed down after the standoff.

"Steve, you need to think about what the hell just happened. She is completely delusional if you believe her over me. I trained you to think on your feet, react in an instant and always fact find before making an informed decision. What does your gut tell you?" Joe asked.

Steve exploded at Joe and slammed him up against the wall. Joe knew better than to move a muscle and react to SEAL training. Danny stood out the way and stopped anyone else coming in again.

"You son of a bitch, you sent us on those targets and I could have killed her! How long did you know we were close huh? Why didn't you extract her and contact me when you knew Thompson was gunning for her!"

"She was a liability that SecNav decided to eliminate. A female SAS team, even the US SEALS had choked on that one. Thompson worked his way through the team, she was next and it would have been fine if he succeeded….she would have been disgraced and discharged. But she resisted and fought him off when he attacked her. He went rogue because of her. It drove him to the point of madness that he couldn't get his reward for saving his countries ass over and over….she is his living nightmare!"

Steve had let him go and was kneeling against the wall trying to cool his thinking down from wanting to shoot Joe to getting me out of the way and going after Thompson and his team. Danny was thinking the same thing and they both looked at each other and nodded.

"Joe, for your own safety I advise you not to appear here again for the considerable future. You're not a cop, you're not military anymore and a rogue civilian is not something we need right now. Lay low until this is dealt with or until you realise how badly you have screwed up my friends lives."

"Don't you dare give me orders Daniel; I could make your life a living hell!"

"I'm not giving orders, I'm giving you a suggestion that I advise you to follow to the letter you son of a bitch!" he hissed back at him.

"Alright then; JSOC can contact me when you need my help. I am sorry Steve, but she is a liability now, more than ever and she needs to deal with her issues or we will step in and do it for you." Joe replied walking out the office.

Danny turned to Kono and asked her to run a trace on my location through all means available, Chin had gone out looking for me after I had left and contacted Kono with no news so far. Danny turned to Steve and blew air out hard to settle his own emotions down.

"Okay, that was very intense and classified; what's the best course of action now Steve? If he is the leak within JSOC, or has contact with the leak…..both of you are in even worse trouble than we thought!"

Steve looked up at Danny and then stood up from the crouch he was in. He picked up the envelope I had given him and looked at the photographs he found inside. Most of them were images of the team I trained with, and others were off duty photos of us enjoying the sites during recon missions and exams. They were the same photos used in the briefing of Operation Strawberry Fields, all of us had been marked as possible secondary targets – and then he noticed something. The photos had been extracted from a bigger file on the system; he noticed the numbers on the surroundings were CIA markers.

"Danny, we need to find Sadie and then contact the CIA, we may have an inside job that's falsifying records to go after SEALS and their families."

"How did you figure that out in the last twenty seconds?" Danny says surprised.

"I will explain everything in detail for you after we find her. Get a call out on her and get her back here or to the house as soon as possible." He replied.

Kono came into the room and both Steve and Danny turned round to her.

"Please tell me you traced her?" Danny asked.

"No, her phone is on, but she's scrambled the unit. Whatever she did has blacked out her location. I can't trace her." She replied.

Steve sat on the table and rubbed his face and breathed out loudly. He was worried and stressed and didn't like it that I had blocked out any form of contact.

"We have to find her guys – I can't….." he started.

"I know boss!" Kono whispered.


	20. Chapter 20

Two weeks had passed since I left the office, my head was a mess and I needed to get it cleared up and sort out all the information I was trying to process; I knew there was nowhere on the island they couldn't find me, so I improvised and got temporary recalled to duty to do my reserve drill. It was a sudden choice, but once the Commander had agreed at Pearl, he sent off the documents to Washington and I was cleared for recall. The drill was easy, nothing I had never done before and I enjoyed the activity roles and scenarios they had prepared. I was even cleared to help out do recon with a few training units from Coronado who had come across to work with the Delivery Team at Pearl. It was good to see some familiar faces again from abroad.

The second week was mainly medical duties and requalification trials, they were the ones that I breezed through with no issues; my SAS training and extra training by Thompson and his team made me standalone within the female soldiers. They were all aware of my fast respond times and the ease of doing firearm drills at a moment's notice….but they didn't know that thanks to me, maybe there was a possibility of females being included in SEAL training if it passed the ISF board.

The drill was only a week long, but since I was due for requalification on several key duties and requirements of my role, I took the second week and opted in for an active role in the SEAL exercise. It was due to take place in Pearl, on a sunken replica reef that had been used by recon divers for a few years. We arrived at the briefing in the morning and received our orders; I was on lead point for the medevac and was to dive with the recon unit to evaluate any issues. Several hostages were on rebreathers under the surface….we had to get them out before the timer expired on the explosives. We all left the briefing energized – we were to be called at a moment's notice.

We were called at 0355hrs.

Our debriefing was short. We successfully rescued and recovered all hostages with no fatalities or injuries. After a quick check over of the teams to ensure they had no issues with the exercise, I headed back to the bunk I had been assigned and went to wash up before going back on shore that afternoon. My requalification was complete and I had made a few friends along the way, including meeting up with my psychologist who was very surprised and concerned that this sudden choice hadn't been discussed. He wanted to contact my team and find out what the hell happened. I basically warned him that if he did so, he would be dishonourably discharged and tied to the flag pole by his testicles. He backed off.

The bar at Pearl Naval Base was full of off duty sailors and marines, it was a great atmosphere and I chose an empty seat at the back of the bar so that my feet could dangle in the shoreline as I sat on the sand. A few colleagues passed by and made idle chitchat, a few others from the drill made no eye contact and looked at me as if everything came so easy to me. Little did they know how hard I had to fight for what I knew, and what I had to pay to deal with it all. I was on my third beer when I heard a familiar voice…..I sat still – there was no way he could have found me!

I looked over the bar and my heart thudded in my chest. Steve was in his dress uniform with a few members of the higher brass. It dawned on me why he was here; the Governor had asked him to babysit some visiting brass tonight as a favour! I ducked below the bar and scooted along the side wall beside the beach; I was going to have to make a dash for the buildings and head back to the apartment on the actual base to evade him. I wasn't ready to see him yet, it was still too painful to look at him in the eye and confront him about four years ago.

"Hey Sadie….come join us for a beer!" shouted a voice.

My instincts dropped him into a hold to quiet him up; he stopped struggling once I asked him to stop grabbing attention. I let him go and put him in the recover position before heading along the back wall outside. A shadow had gone through the door, hopefully a sailor needing to take a bathroom break. I ran along the road, across the building spaces and came to my apartment block.

"Sadie stop!" a voice called out.

I froze at the voice.

"Sadie, please!" he said again.

How the hell did he know that was me? I was dressed in army combats like the other 1000 people in the base. We all looked the same in the gear, I didn't move in a special way and I wasn't drawing attention to myself in anyway. I clenched my hand and turned around, he stood there in his dress uniform looking all professional – his eyes were wide and looking me up and down like I was his lifeline and couldn't let me go.

"What are you doing here?" he whispered as he walked closer, eyes wide.

"Reserve drill, I needed to re-qualify on several skills types. Just finished a live exercise this morning and I was having a few drinks to celebrate." I replied.

"You were doing a drill? You left nearly three weeks ago without a goodbye. You disappeared with no trace; and I find you here…somewhere I thought you would never come back too!" he replied getting angry.

"Yes Steve, I came here! I knew it would be one of the last places you would look for me considering how screwed up I acted in the office. It worked too, the only reason you found me is I forgot about the babysitting role you had to do tonight and that stupid Seaman calling my name!" I bit back at him.

"We need to work this out Sadie; you can't hide from these guys and pretend that nothing is wrong – we need you back at five-O!"

I looked at him and shut down my emotional response. I was still too angry with how things played out with Joe to deal with this at the moment. Maybe after a night sleep and a rethink in the morning I could come to a better decision about what I wanted to do. I loved Steve, but knowing that I was putting him in serious danger was nearly soul destroying and no way would I want to put any other member of my team in jeopardy either.

"Commander, I believe you have VIPs waiting on your skills," I said back stonily.

Saluting him as a superior officer, I headed into my apartment and shut the door. Leaning back against the wall I screamed in frustration and kicked the door frame hard. Getting everything out of my system I picked myself up and sat on the couch before dragging over a blanket and resting my head.

Steve stood there outside the apartment block and heard the scream and kick of the door frame; he pulled out his phone and hit speed dial.

"Steve, its 2 am in the blessed morning….what is wrong?"

"I've found her; she was on base at Pearl doing a reserve drill exercise and requalification. She is due to leave on Thursday; can you pick her up on base at 1300?" he replied checking the notice schedule attached to the apartment blocks.

"Of course, are you heading to Washington from Dillingham?" Danno replied.

"Yeah, I'll be back by late evening with some more information. Thanks Danno!" Steve replied.

It was two days later before I was cleared from duty and put back onto the reserve lists at Pearl; another year before I was due a drill at sea…six months before re-qualifications. I packed my duffle back and after saying a few goodbyes, grabbed my stuff and headed along the road to the main car park where Danny was meeting me. I clocked him leaning against his car; no one else was with him as far as I could see as requested. I would have just walked it home, it was only 20 miles and would have given me the chance to blow off some extra steam, but an insistent letter had arrived this morning asking me to allow Danny to pick me up from base. Walking up to him, I dropped my duffle on the ground and smiled as he came over to hug me.

"Nearly three weeks Sadie! Three weeks of him going off his head with worry and he finds you on the base you said you would never return too. Do you know how much he has been hurting? How scared he was because you did your ninja thing and disappeared!"

"Can you blame me? I needed time apart to find out stuff, and he needed time to think about what was going on two years ago on that mission. I'm taking that's happened or you wouldn't be here?" I replied putting my stuff in the car boot.

"Yeah, we have some serious leads; let's get you home, Steve should be home later tonight with some intelligence from Washington."

I sighed slightly and sent up a prayer of thanks. The photos had been encrypted with file numbers that I had found from my Sparx file; numbers I needed from Naval Intelligence….only one person could find out what they were and fast. I had also come to peace with Joe. He was only doing what was required, but I had promised myself I would put a bullet into him if he acted suspiciously in the future.

Danny dropped me off at Steve's place after I argued I wanted to go to the hotel, he basically told me what Steve asked him too and I sat there and held onto the steam – it wasn't his fault, but more Steve being over protective.

A few hours later I was sitting at the piano in the downstairs living room playing around with a theme tune from a film I watched a few days ago. The music was edgy, relaxing and equally faced paced. The film was about the ability to control the world with dreams that adapt to the user's needs, an amazing idea and great film. I heard the car come up the driveway, it was after 11pm at night and I couldn't sleep, too regulated with sea hours after being on base for nearly three weeks. The door clicked open and I clocked him coming in looking weary; he dropped his gear on the couch and came through to the kitchen area. I had left him out some food in the fridge; I made him his favourite noodle and chicken salad as way of an apology. The emotions I was feeling were too strong to let me face him directly; he knew that and didn't make any move to touch me or break my piano playing.

It was a few moments later that I stopped playing. I had been crying from the moment he walked into the house and I couldn't stop, I couldn't stop anything happening and it terrified me. I closed the piano lid and leaned my elbows on it as I broke down; I immediately felt his arms around me, pulling me into his arms and standing me up. He hugged me close; let me feel his warmth and heartbeat; let me feel his resolve to protect me from everything that could happen to us. He didn't say anything, he pulled us to the couch and dragged the covers over us again and just held me as I got everything out.

I woke up the next morning to find us still on the couch wrapped up together. I tried to get up and his arms immediately tightened and his eyes popped open and he looked at me.

"Good morning," he whispered.

"Hi, I need to pee…let me up!" I said back.

He released me and ten minutes later I came back down fully washed and dressed. He was in the kitchen having his breakfast and had laid out some fruit and cereal for me. I shook my head at it and grabbed a bottle of water instead. He had noticed I had changed last night. A bit leaner, stronger muscle tone and a lot more closed off than before. I decided it was the best way to make sure I didn't say something that was going to drive everyone off, and it would also protect everyone if I needed to make a run for it again. He put down his bowl and looked at me leaning against the cabinet.

"You've lost some weight, have you been eating enough to fit the drill schedule?" he asked glancing up and down.

"I eat when I am hungry; I drink when I am thirsty. It's been a tough couple of weeks with the drills, requalification exams and shore duty. Hence the slightly leaner body and muscle tone. I know you felt the difference last night, nothing to worry about!" I replied as I started to unpack my duffle and put things into the washing machine.

"I'm always worried about you Sadie. The one thing I am glad of is you kept going to your shrink, whatever therapy base you are doing is working and not once in three weeks did you fall. That is a real improvement over the emotional head case we have seen recently. Do you know how much I love you; how much I hate what you did…..how much I hate myself for giving you some inspiration to do your training!" he replied back to me.

I stood up and faced him. His eyes were wide open and full of fear for what could happen to any of us at any moment. I sighed deeply and stepped forward to face him; I lay my hand over his chest and looked back up to his face.

"I am not made of glass anymore, you need to realise that. Yes, the PTS is now under the best control it ever has been because I have dealt with a lot of issues with the shrink. The flashback I had were always the same; the IED, the whipping and then being found. I know there is still missing parts to it, but we are working on a safer recall therapy to help me remember. I am so sorry about the office, but betrayal on that level by someone who you called family…..I've been hurt too many times to trust easily."

There. I had spilled everything out to him and he sagged under the weight of relief and released tension. He took me in his arms again and kissed me before whispering something into my ear, I nodded and laughed as he picked me up and ran up the stairs to the bedroom and slammed the door shut.


	21. Chapter 21

For the next couple of days I got all the information from Washington sorted out in the files on the SkyDrive, there was so much information to shift through and we were still deciding if it was safe to bring everyone else in to the investigation. I had piled everything on Sparx on one table and all the other information regarding Thompson and his team on the other. Marking everything that could be connected with post it notes, I found their personnel files and sat down to read them at the table. To get to the heart of the issues I needed to profile the men who helped train me, find out why he went postal about me? I sure as hell didn't want his advances and made that plain clear to him, but why the violence against me and my family?

A sudden sharp knock at the door had me jump; it was really early and I realised I had worked through the day and half of the night on the project. I headed to the door after putting the files back in the secure box and opened the door. It was Joe.

"What do I owe this pleasure?" I asked leaning against the doorframe.

"I found the cargo container; it's been transported to the docks from its location and hasn't been tampered with. You need to see it if you're going to get any more information about what happened when you were escorting in Afghanistan. Here are the details, good hunting!"

He handed me a folded bit of paper and when I looked back in his direction he was gone; smiling at his skills, I headed back into the house. Steve was doing a stake out with the rest of the team who was aware that I had resurfaced, but we hadn't seen each other yet due to them giving me some time to readjust to everything that happened.

"All right Joe; let's see what's in the box?" I whispered to myself.

Grabbing my keys, I locked up and jumped into my car; hitting the satnav to get directions to the dockyards I sped away and made good time to get onto the freeway before the morning rush hour started. I put on my Bluetooth and made a quick call to dispatch to tell the others where I was headed in case they needed support. They would pass the message along for me as the stake out was due to finish at daybreak. I had just arrived at the dockyard when my phone went, clicking on the dashboard I saw Danny calling.

"Hello Danny, how did it go?" I asked as I parked up.

"All good, major takedown as planned and everyone are fine. Dispatch called and said that you were at the dockyards looking into something about a cargo container? Is this the same container you couldn't remember anything about?"

"Yeah it is. I had a visit from Joe this morning and he passed me the details of the shipping detail and storage markers. I've just arrived and I'm going to speak to the dock master to find its location. Why?" I asked with an edge of wariness from his tone.

"We haven't seen Joe since I told him to lay low, now he suddenly makes an appearance after you leave the base and start investigating new leads. Do me a favour and don't go near the container until we arrive alright. Something doesn't seem right!" he replied.

I agreed and headed to speak to the dock master to get the location before heading back to the car to wait on the rest of the team. Twenty minutes later they all pulled up and I got out of the car to meet them. Kono came over and gave me a huge hug, grinning at her I hugged her back and nodded to her question to see if I was alright. Chin did the same thing and scolded me for running away to the military, but he was delighted to see me again. I looked over to Danny and winked, he shrugged his shoulders and Steve's truck pulled up beside the car and he got out with a scowl on his face.

"Good morning mister cheerful….wake up on the wrong side of the stake out this morning?" I asked.

"Funny! You work through the night again?" he asked noting the tired eyes.

"Don't whine Steve, had a good lead to follow and I found out a lot of information. Then I got a surprise visit from Joe." I replied handing him the sheet of paper with the details on it.

"Any location details for the container?" Chin asked.

"Yeah it's being moved to allow us access. It's seemingly my property now, but I have no clue how or who passed this too me. It's just along here; the dock master has already been made aware we are opening it for investigation and the SIS have been alerted we need a mobile unit." I replied.

I took point and headed along the pathway to where the container was now positioned by the crane. It was a standard looking cargo container, no extra-ordinary markers present. I headed up around the back and then clocked a few holes in the bottom right hand corner – bullet holes. Three distinct bullet holes in a pattern that was used for identification, and as a marksmen's ID on the range. I took a photo of it; it looked familiar, but could belong to any number of marksmen I had trained with. I'd pass it onto a friend in ballistics and they could match it to the database of military marksmen.

"Sadie, you ready to get this opened?" Danny said as we regrouped.

"Yeah, go for it!" I replied.

The doors clicked open and we had to add some elbow grease to get the doors opened fully. It was the strong smell of copper that alerted everyone there had been blood spilled in the container. Everyone drew their weapons and we scoped inside to find the place empty, but also set up like a horror scene. I flashed on the spotlight and I got really bad vibes from the place. We took corners and checked the area for any kind of traps and IED's – there was none. The only thing was a small package of white powder, a metal beam with rope at both ends and a bamboo cane that was discoloured.

My memory recalled back to the moment I was lucid after being force drugged with the meth I had created for the people who had me, I was tied to a metal beam by rope attached to my wrists; I tried to move but stopped immediately as the ache of my wrists and back sent pain through my body. I saw the cane lying on the table behind me as I glanced around the place looking for anything to help me escape. It was maybe a meter long; twenty millimetres wide and serrated at one edge….that explained the tearing pain after the last beating.

A voice snapped me out of it, I rebalanced myself and looked at Kono who was bagging the cane with the SIS technician; I had holstered my firearm already without realising and headed out the container to get some fresh air. I knew the container had something to do with me being captured; now I knew why. It was where I was kept, tortured and experimented on after making up meth for the men, I headed out the box and stood outside as I saw Steve on the phone, he was getting annoyed at whoever had called him – my guess was Joe.

"Lieutenant, are you alright?" a technician said startling me.

"Yes thank you. Have you found anything?" I replied.

"Yes, chemical traces, drug marker and the cane. I'm going to get these processed and the results should be back in a couple of hours. I have to ask again if you are alright as you're really pale and your hand is shaking, there is a possibility you have been contaminated with something and you need checked out."

I turned round to him and shook my head smiling.

"I'm alright, but thank you. Too much coffee and not enough sleep over the last couple of days. I'll get checked out if I feel worse okay."

He nodded and after I signed the chain of evidence documents I headed over to Steve who signalled for me to come over. He didn't look too happy with the news he received and passed me his phone.

"That was Joe; the container came from the Middle East and has no sender information. I noticed the bullet marker on the bottom right hand corner – do you know who it is?"

"Not 100%, it's going to be impossible to tell without ballistics doing the comparison exam against the database. You know every sniper leaves his tell; it's just another piece of the puzzle that is my life!"

"Yeah, I've already sent the photos to SIS; hopefully they can look into it and get back to us quickly. Are you coming back to the barn?" he replied.

"No, I was going to head home, not feeling that great. I'll see you later okay?" I replied handing him the evidence bags.

"I'll see you in an hour or so, I need to come home anyway. Are you alright, your shaking like a leaf!" he said pulling me to the side.

"Yeah, I'm good; tired and needing some breakfast….im running on empty at the moment!" I replied.

He was looking at me, his eyes glancing over my features and body language as I turned and headed back towards the car, he called my name and I turned around again.

"What did you remember?" he asks bluntly.

I looked up at him and flinched, I thought I had got away with that one.

"Nothing good but I managed it. I'm fine, no nosebleed or headache and I just want to go home, eat and have a long hot shower to relax. I'll see you in a little while okay?" I replied.

I waved to everyone and headed off along the freeway again; I wasn't going home though, I needed help doing something first that would hopefully confirm or deny my conclusion. Pulling up at the public car park at the back of HPD, I headed in through the main entrance and met up with Max who I had called from the car in the medical room.

"Lieutenant, it is good to see you looking so well again, though you are looking incredibly stressed at the moment. Have you had another episode?"

One of the many reasons I loved Max was his no bullshit policy, he could see through any false statements you made and got to the point immediately. He knew me well enough to know that I had had another episode and asked for his help in figuring it out. I let him know about what I was working on, who gave me the information and where it led me too. I told him about the container, what I think had triggered the flashback and why I asked him here to meet me with a camera and testing kit.

"I need you to do the analysis on the cane when SIS brings it in, it's a good chance that it's going to be over two years old and may be dated and contaminated, but all I need is a blood analysis and cross match."

"Consider it done. But may I ask why the camera and measuring kit then?" he replied taking notes on his PDA.

"I need you to compare the cane dimensions to the scars on my back."

He looked at me then it clicked, his emotions running across his face.

"You believe that this is where you were held during the time of your capture and torture?" he whispered as people passed outside.

"It's a strong suspicion, but it fits with what I remembered the minute I walked in there. Do this for me, please Max?" I whispered.

"I will need to inform Commander McGarrett if the tests come back positive, do you agree? That's my one condition!" he replied.

"I agree," I replied as I turned around and took off my top.

Three hours later I was sitting on the beach out the back garden of the house and watching the whales breach the water a good distance out. It was always amazing to watch and one of my favourite relaxing things to do when I had a few spare moments to myself. Max had come by the house and passed me the results of the lab tests on the white powder and the cane. Both came up with my recipe for the meth and my blood had saturated the canes fibrous material. He kept true to his word and had contacted Steve after he passed me the details; my phone had gone crazy within seconds of the team being given the news. I had changed into a long gypsy skirt and top and decided to take a walk along the secluded beach that connected the neighbourhood to the cove. I left a message for Steve in the sand and directions of which way I had gone. The cool clothes were perfect for the walk as the Hawaiian summer was now kicking in and it was getting as warm as 46 degrees at points during the day.

I had walked maybe a mile or so along the coast line and picked up a few shells I found for Grace; she loved the beach and the sea and I said I would keep an eye out for strange shells for her. I stopped at the rock pools slightly further along and watched the sea life dart around the place; it calmed me down, another useful tool to sort out the new information that had been confirmed. I stuck my toes in the empty tide pool and wiggled my toes around at the small fish that bumped my feet; it was total paradise here and I never wanted to leave.

Then I saw him walking along the shore line, he looked like he had just gone ten rounds with the punch bag without his gloves; he was dressed in ¾ cargo pants and a t-shirt, barefoot like there wasn't a care in the world. He looks in my direction and I play with the fish that have come around my feet, trying to sort out what was going on in my head.

"You found the message then?"

He stands beside me and pulls me back against him as I keep looking out into the shore. He nods in response and I take a breath in and let it out slowly.

"You know what was found, what was suspected?" I replied.

I had shut myself down again to prevent the anger from escaping too quickly; I needed to keep a hold of it until the right moment and I could get retribution on those who I trusted and then abused me. Steve had my shoulders and I knew he was dying to get me to turn around, scream at him or anything….any emotional response would do at the moment. But I was cold inside when it came to the past now, I knew how SEALS did it now, the one weakness I had was empathy and compassion. I had neither of the two when it came to those men who captured me.

"JSOC and SACO have been informed of the events and new information found out about Bravofourniner. They are willing to give full authority to hunt them down and bring them in. They want to speak to you and see if you have any requests?"

This time I did turn around to him. I lay my hand on his chest and leaned up to kiss him. I started to walk past him and stopped before holding out my hand.

"I want them dead." I replied.

He took my hand and pulled me back into him.

"You're not the only one!"


	22. Chapter 22

**Several weeks later**

I slammed my foot down on the gas pedal and hammered my way through the traffic that was building up along the highway, I was chasing this asshole that pulled a gun on a bunch of kids, including Grace, at a local mall where Danno and I had taken her shopping for her birthday. We had a great time doing the girly thing and Danno looked really pained at sitting through all the dress changes and added jewellery tips we discussed – secretly he loved doing this normal stuff with her!

Then all hell broke loose. I was standing outside the dressing room when we heard gunfire from outside the shop window, Danno took direct cover and got everyone out of the way while I ran into the dressing area and got the kids covered and dressed. The kids were brave and kept as quiet as possible so I could hear what was happening outside. Danno was at gunpoint, I knew the silent alarm had been triggered and the mall was getting locked down as we spoke but I needed to get the gunman away from him and into a more controlled area.

"Kids, stay low and stay quiet okay. Do not answer your phones and this will be over soon as possible. Keep your eyes closed if anyone else comes in here okay!" I said to everyone.

They all nodded and then a gunman came into the room, I spun round and knocked him flat on the ground, a shot went off within the room. I spun round to check on the kids and saw that everyone was fine and the bullet hole was pretty damn close to where the kids where. I was backhanded by the gunman and slammed headfirst into a mirror that shattered on impact. I shouted on the kids to shut their eyes and fired at the gunman with my weapon. I heard the scuffle outside and saw Danno get knocked to the ground by the third man who came into the room. I got up and stood in front of the kids.

"Sir, just leave! These kids are innocent and I don't want them harmed. If you need a hostage you take me instead." I said raising my hands.

He motioned for me to come forward and frisked me for the weapons I had on me, he found my knife and the firearm on the ground, also my badge that was under my top. He grabbed my upper arm and squeezed the open gash I got from landing on the glass.

"Make any attempts at escaping and I shoot these kids before I go….do you understand?" he hissed shaking me.

I glared at him and nodded.

"Yes. If you need to get to the vehicle you came in then you're going to need access down the stairs. I'm your shield; my team won't shoot at you if I am in the way. I'll get you to your car safely and then you can go." I replied.

He pulled me out of the dressing room and I nodded to Grace to call Steve on his cell phone as soon as we were out of the way; she nodded back and I winked to say everything will be fine. Danno was just stirring after being knocked on the head and sat up when he saw me being pulled back at gunpoint. He tried to get up and the gunman pointed the weapon at him.

"Danny please stop moving! Everyone is fine; they are safe as long as this guy gets to leave with me. I know what I'm doing!" I said blocking the target line.

I get pulled back and he grips my upper arm again, shutting out the pain from the glass that's lodged in the wound I step back with him and head towards the shop entrance and the police barricade that's outside. He completely freezes and starts to panic as about twenty armed officers and the rest of my team all take aim. He pulls me in front of him as a human shield and I hold up my hands to the police line.

"Guys, take it down a notch okay. Minimal casualties inside, he just wants to leave the area." I shout to them all.

Chin and Kono are looking at me over their firearms and I nod to her to let them know we are all fine, just a little bumped and bruised. I get dragged sideways to the entrance of the mall about a hundred yards down the pathway; everyone follows us at a distance and keeps aim. I look down and see that he is limping; Danny scored him a hit on his upper thigh, if he keeps bleeding at that rate then he is going to lose consciousness within twenty minutes – problem is, we are now at the entrance of where the getaway car is parked up.

"You noticed the knife wound your buddy gave me huh, well, I also know that you are a medic – so patch me up and I may decide to play fair and let you go." He whispered to me as he saw me glance at the blood trail we were both leaving.

He pulled my hair backwards and squeezed my arm, I could feel the blood drip down onto my arm, he was deliberately making me bleed to get me to co-operate. Getting my breathing under control and lowering my blood pressure, I nodded and opened the doors to the outside. We were faced by another cordon of police and SWAT, I saw Steve there. He must have heard what was going on after getting out of the courthouse early after his deposition.

"Get me sorted out bitch, or I put a bullet in a buddy of yours!" he demanded.

"I don't have a kit on me; I need one from the EMTs. I can go over and get one?" I hissed back at him.

"Don't be stupid, the minute your out of range I'm dead. Get them to throw one to you and you can sort me out in the car." He said smacking me across the face.

The tension level just went up another notch as Steve and SWAT moved forward slightly to alter their positions. I shook my head at them to say I was fine and they had to stay put.

"Try anything and you're going to feel me in your belly!" he whispered as he kissed my neck.

My body froze at that point, I had remembered where I had heard his voice before – what the hell was he doing here? How the hell was he here?

I could see Steve alter his position again as the guy behind me dug his hips into my back; he was going to get a kick up the stones in a moment from either Steve or me.

"Move it bitch!" he demanded.

I turned round to him and I was now officially pissed off at this guy. His arrogance was a sign he was military trained, my guess due to the accent was Israeli army. He pushed me forward and locked the MP5 to the back of my neck as we walked towards the paramedics.

"Steve, I need the paramedics to pass me a triage kit, morphine and a glue gun that's in the blue box on the right side."

"I can't do that without some insurance from this guy Sadie," he replied.

The gunman fired his weapon into the air, I looked at Steve and he slipped the blue box into the triage kit the paramedics had organised for me. He signalled he was holstering his weapon and threw the bag to me; I headed over and picked it up before being led to where the car is. Steve followed us around to where the car was, but kept at a secure distance as I sorted his leg out.

"What's with the glue gun?" he demanded dragging my head back.

"If you're going to stop the blood loss, stitches won't do it. I'm going to clean then glue the wound together. It's going to hurt so that's why I have morphine for you." I replied ripping his trouser leg and cleaning the wound.

"No morphine, just seal it and get in the car, you're coming with me until I get to a drop off point." He replied handing me the gun.

While waiting for it to heat up, I looked through the mirrors in the car and saw Steve lead the swat into position, I was ready to duck for it when it came, but then the man I was helping pulled a fast one and shouted to them to stop.

"You come closer and you're going to be picking her up for hours!" he shouted.

I looked up and saw the white block of explosives with a cap on it. I spun round to Steve and shouted at them to stop knowing that if anything interfered with us, then we were all dead.

"Its RDX guys – back the hell away!" I called.

Everyone stopped and backtracked at my order, I turned round to the gunman again and slid the glue gun across his knife wound and wrapped it up tightly. I ripped off my gloves and got into the car as requested. He laid the RDX against another car and slid in to the passenger side. I pulled away and followed his directions to another car lot about five miles down the road. It was an old building site that was empty due to an archaeological find. I got out the car as ordered and stood against the steel pillars as he tied my wrists with tags.

"Well, thank you for your help. Sadie is it?" he said kissing me.

I snapped my head away and he laughed as he lifted his bag into the other car and snapped the key to the first car in a vice. He smiled as I stared at him and headed off towards the north coastline.

Gripping my feet together I jumped up and pinned my knees against the metal pillar and leaned backwards; I was trying to snap the cable ties that were against my wrists – they snapped and I landed on my back in the dust. Running to the car, I pulled off the cable cover for the ignition switch and hotwired the car, thankfully he hadn't shot the cover or I would be screwed. Pulling out the construction site I pulled out my Bluetooth and hit speed dial.

"Sadie where are you?" Grace shouted over the phone.

"Hi sweetie, everything is fine. Put Danno on the phone for me okay hunny!"

I heard her pass the phone to Danno and thanked everything that he was alright.

"Where are you? Where is that son of a bitch?" he demanded.

"I'm on highway five outside Pearl chasing him in the getaway car. He is driving an unmarked truck with black flames on a silver body. Wheel tags are red with LED sparks. I'm in pursuit in a black Romero, licence plates read AB5468. Is Steve there?" I replied slamming the car into a faster gear.

I ignored the angry honks from the other drivers and heard the noise coming from over the loudspeaker on Gracie's phone, Steve called my name and I sighed.

"Steve, did you get the bomb squad to deal with the RDX?" I said swerving to miss Sunday drivers.

"Yeah it's contained! Did you hit him with a tracker?" he demanded.

"Yeah I buried it in the glue disc that's sealing his leg, get Kono to do a trace on the location and pass it through to me. I'm guessing were heading north to the old airfield north of Pearl City – can you get up there by chopper and head him off?" I replied hitting the gas again.

"Copy that, do not engage him!" he ordered.

"Would never do that boss – just want to have some fun with him first!" I replied clicking the call off.

Steve made another call and five minutes later the police chopper was heading them northbound to the old airfield in plenty of time to intercept me and give support I hoped!

I took a hard left as I saw his truck leave the highway at speed up an old fire route in the tree break. I was right about the old airfield, makes sense to do a clean getaway and I called dispatch to ask about any flight plans leaving the area; one had been placed and was immediately halted by Honolulu.

I had to slam on my breaks as I saw the gunman's truck ahead, it slammed on its breaks and the driver's door opened. I clocked the SMG he was carrying and slid across to the passenger's door as he opened fire on me. I dragged the gun out of the glove compartment and checked the magazine – four bullets – easy!

I crunched over the broken glass and took cover behind the engine block for better cover; he was reloading his weapon when I heard the chopper coming over the ridge in the tree break.

"It's over; you're not going to get away from this one!" I shouted over the noise of the rotors.

There was nowhere for them to land or get close to jump out of, Steve and Chin were left watching helpless from a useless angle as I cornered this guy on a muddy hillside.

He opened fire again and I took cover quickly in the side bushes and headed round the slope to get in behind him. The mud was nearly impossible to navigate in my shoes so I kicked them off and dug my feet in to the soil to get a better grip. I swung up around the older tree's and ducked as he sprayed the area with bullets, several coming too bloody close for comfort. He didn't know where I was which my element of surprise was. A couple more meters along the slope, I had nearly gone 180 degrees around him and came out of the bushes and snuck up behind him. He spun around as the chopper made a beeline to drop Chin and Steve off at an opening. He aimed his SMG and I opened fire at him, he looked surprised as the four bullets made a neat line across his heart. He slumped to the ground and I headed over to kick away his weapon and check he was dead.

I picked up the SMG, frisked him for anything else and went to go sit on the boulder across the pathway. Seconds later Chin and Steve came running down the hillside and I could hear the sirens come up from the road.

"He's dead guys," I said standing up.

Both came over to me and gave me hugs before sitting me down on the boulder again and checking me out. I would be fine, just needed the glass out of my arm, tetanus shot and I screamed!

I jumped up and half climbed a tree as Steve and Chin spun around, thinking that the guy had become a zombie and was about to attack! What the saw was a huge spider running across the road? I had aimed my weapon at it and would not let go of the tree until it was out of my sight.

"You can come down now, it won't hurt you!" Chin said.

I climbed down and holstered my weapon; I sat back on the boulder and burst out laughing with everyone else. Steve was actually on his knees laughing so hard at my face as he realised what had scared me.

"What? I don't like spiders!" I said huffily.

"You aimed your weapon at it, it's more afraid of you than anything! After all this time, it's spiders that freak you out?" Chin asked wiping his eyes.

"Yeah it's really stupid huh!" I said laughing.

The police cars all pulled up seconds later and Steve patched me up and got me taken to the hospital where everyone else was taken. After several stitches and a CT for the head wound, I was released to go and see Danny who was being kept in overnight for observation. We knocked on the door and walked in to find Danno and Grace playing cards.

"Sadie!" she called as she ran towards me.

I knelt down and gave her a massive hug, she was like a little sister and we all were very protective of her. I took her hand and made sure she was alright before Steve took her for a drink so I could speak to Danno.

"Thank you, you saved her and the other kids lives today!" he said as he took my hands.

"Not a problem Danno, is she okay?" I asked.

"Yeah she will be. She has a fiery spirit, wonder who caused her to develop that huh?" he said flinching.

"Well, Uncle Steve and myself may have helped, but I think you started it!" I said laughing.


	23. Chapter 23

We chatted for a bit longer and promised we would see him at work in a day or so after he had recovered and made sure Grace wasn't in delayed shock. I needed to go home and wash up, my clothes were black and my bath was calling to me.

It was just after 4pm by the time I was all cleaned up and relaxed again, I had been pampered silly with an early Christmas present from Steve to help me unwind and the extra bonus points he scored with the back and foot rub made him a happy fella. I grabbed a soda from the fridge and headed out the back to watch Steve swimming back and forth after doing his workout. I sat on the chairs in the sand and grabbed the tablet so I could catch up on what was happening back home and from friends still overseas.

"Feeling better after your present?" came a voice.

"Much Commander, how about yourself – relax enough?" I grinned back at him.

He laughed and grabbed the towel I handed to him as I showed him a picture of us after the vacation we took a few weeks ago to the mainland. We had gone to New York, I had never been and Danny had a few hot spots he said I would enjoy – it was fantastic and it gave me time to do a massive shopping spree that was still getting delivered for Christmas day.

"Are you alright after this morning, you saved those kids and Grace without a flinch of concern about yourself!" he asked passing me my soda.

"Yeah I'm good Steve, I did what I had to do to save them all." I replied.

I dragged off my robe and sat in my long cotton dress and soaked up the sunshine, I could feel Steve look over my body and I swear I could hear him grin at what he saw. I opened my eyes and saw him doing the exact thing – men!

"What is it?" I ask smiling.

"Just remembering you when you first arrived on the island; you wouldn't show your back to anyone, had little confidence in public events and didn't come out in public that often." He replied.

"What do you see now?" I inquired sitting up.

He looked at me and then pulled me off the chair and into his arms again; somewhere I felt really safe and protected.

"I see the medic I met in combat. I see the woman who I knew, fearless, compassionate and dedicated to preserving life. I see the woman who risked everything to serve. I see a woman who I am very proud of, and who I love with every piece of my soul." He replied.

He laughed gently as I blushed from my head to my feet.

"And we have an anniversary to celebrate tonight at the beach bar. It's been several months since your PTS has become controlled due to the new therapy techniques – think it's a record for you!" he grinned at me.

"Hm! Several months since I went crazy – yeah that's a record!" I replied laughing.

We spent an hour or so on the beach before heading back into the house to get ready to go back to work for a few hours. We had to get the reports done before the workload piled up before Christmas rush of thefts and burglary attempts in the next few weeks. We headed off down the highway and landed at HQ twenty minutes later, just in time to miss the rush hour that was going to cause chaos on the roads. We headed up to the main offices and again got hugged by Kono and Chin due to me looking I had gone a few rounds with Steve in the cage.

"Couple of bruises and stitches, nothing to worry about thankfully; more worried about Grace and Danno due to the fright she got and the bump he was given by the men. Have the background checks come up with any leads?" I asked as I followed Kono to the flat-top.

"Yeah the man who Danno killed was ex-military and connected to roughly ten unsolved murders in Europe. The man was called Kora Jurgen, a gun for hire for the right price and wanted in question by the FBI and CIA for threats against the US State Department and its employees in Washington. The central NCIS office is sending over all its information for us with an agent to pass along information and connect some dots with you if possible." She replied.

I brought up the photos of the man I killed; he looked vaguely familiar for some reason and I couldn't place it. I typed up his file from the system and Kono flipped it to the main monitors.

"The man you took down was called Nikko Kruchev, ex-military and linked to Jurgen and the same murders in Europe. Seems they must have worked together for the last twenty years and only resurfaced when their services were required." She replied as I looked at the details.

Something was off, the man I took down was not Russian, but had a Middle Eastern accent, my guess at the time was Israeli. I typed up a few commands and the CCTV footage of the shopping mall came up, I called on Steve and he came over with Chin to do a catch up.

"The man I took down is going by the name of Nikko Kruchev – but I seriously doubt that is his real name. Listen to the audio of the incident and I'll do a check of his voice patterns." I said hitting the play button on the screen.

A few minutes later after watching the events unfold and after I did the comparison of the vocal stresses, I laid the audio out in a single sentence that was clearly picked out.

"Do you hear how he slurs the word 'Ction' – it means delayed. I only got half the conversation from him, but it sounds like a delivery that was coming their way was being delayed for some reason. They weren't too happy about it."

"Why are you concerned about someone who was slurring his words, you said he smelt of alcohol – possibly he was drunk?" Chin asked as a theory.

I shook my head and Steve stepped in with the confirmation I needed; Russian is one language we had to learn during training for special ops – I was hoping it was the same for the SEALS.

"Russian language is full of verbs, injections and complex patterns – anyone who speaks it must get them right when learning the language to master the basics. That word, you can't slur, there is no way a Russian would slur that word even if drunk – its actually impossible to do!"

"So this guy isn't actually Russian? You picked that bit of information up from one word?" Kono asked impressed.

"Yeah, spent some time in Russia a few years ago during the hostage crisis at a school with the UN and Red Cross, I know a natural Russian speaker when I hear one. My guess by the guy's accent and guttural tone – he was Israeli."

Shit – did I just disclose that within a hundred miles of Steve? I glanced in his direction and he scowled back with the 'face' he took when he discovered news that he didn't like involving us.

"Okay, so we have a possible Israeli who was imitating a Russian? Why?" Chin asked really confused.

The whole situation from the shopping mall just didn't make sense to any of us and now we had three dead men who possibly faked their identities to rob a clothes store on O'ahu?

I dragged up all the information from the case and put them up onto the screens and main touch top; I shuffled through them and then stopped. We were in a teenagers shop when this all happened, a few parents, lots of girls and two suits. I expanded the photo and slammed it up on the screens.

"You guys see what I'm seeing?" I said as it clicked into place.

"Two suits trying to blend in," Steve replied as he clocked the men in the foreground.

"I don't think these guys were there by accident, I think they were there as protection detail. Kono, patch up the video again, let's see if anyone left the shop once it hit the fan?"

She brought up the video again and we watched it in real time as I recalled what had happened in the forty seconds of their entry. I wrote on the notepad where I was with Grace, where Danny was and the position of the two men the last moments I saw them before the first gunshot. The video had stopped and I looked up, two men had taken a young girl and executed a manoeuvre to ensure she was protected and escaped.

"Think you were right Sadie, that's a perfectly executed removal tactic. We need to find out who the kid is and why she may be in danger. Run a background check and facial comparison on her and the two suits; we might get lucky with a partial alias or full ID." Steve said.

He nodded and started to run the background checks on all three people, I signalled to him and pulled him to the side board so I could have a word with him. This was not going to be pretty.

"So, Russia with the UN and Red Cross?" he whispered.

"Yeah, mainly as medical support – back up tactical secondary!" I replied.

"Beslan – you were at Beslan?" he hissed.

"Yeah, one of the first roles I had as part of my training and I am aware of how this is going to sound. When we were doing the first of many hostage negotiations we managed to get a few of the children out of the school by sneaking them through the air vents. A couple of us were small enough to get in without making a lot of noise and we led the kids down the back levels and out through the old gardens. The hostage takers were a mix of Russians, Turks and a few other nationalities, their skills ranged from basic weapons to serious technical skills such as DIY Patriot missiles and Complex Chemistry."

"Yeah I remember hearing through the Intelligence that when they finally managed to do a charge they found massive amounts of raw chemicals, electronics and…." He stopped suddenly realising he could trigger me.

"And over 100 children and adult bodies from those they executed; yeah I am aware. We didn't select which children to get out, we just found who we could and got them out as fast as possible." I replied.

"What's got you worried? When the gunman spoke to you in the car lot you froze, did you realise who he was? Is that how you knew to check the database for that particular sound clip?" he demanded.

"You have to realise that Beslan was a nightmare, worse because of what the gunmen did to those children. We dealt with it, those who were found in the month's long investigation were never heard from again and we all know what probably happened on orders. What you may not be aware of is that there is footage from our headcams showing that a group of twelve men were escorted off the zone – just before the go was given by command."

He looked at me – the only way that could happen is if they were retrieved by a separate team for relocation and interrogation.

"My contacts were good at the time and I managed to get some information once I found out what had happened, but before I could ask any more questions, I was transferred to Falcon base. These three men who went after this girl, I bet you she was in Beslan or is connected to it somehow through family. The guy who I killed said something to me that made everything click into place, I am not going to repeat it so don't give me that face!" I hissed as he tried staring me down.

He paced the room for a moment and I stood there all calm, he had a habit of doing this over the last few weeks – walking on egg shells was probably an understatement and it was going to make him blow a fuse!

"Steven John McGarrett will you hold still before you sprain something!" I demanded.

Everyone in the room looked at me then quickly looked away apart from Steve; his face was a picture and I saw his muscles relax as he let go of it.

"Did she just use his Sunday name?" Kono whispered to Chin.

"Oh yeah; this is what happens when you get two over trained military Hau'le's in an enclosed space!" he said laughing.


	24. Chapter 24

I had finished talking to Steve regarding Beslan and he was going to make a couple of calls to his contacts in Naval Intelligence – hopefully they might be able to shed some light on the events after the recovery of the men. I headed off as my cell phone rang and went into my office when I saw the caller ID. I took the call quickly and grabbed my truck keys and a folder and headed out the building towards the car park. Jumping into my car, I spun around and noticed Danno getting into his car; he was going to tail me. The last couple of weeks I had been requested to keep details of a case confidential as it wound up, the good news is that during the call I got, I got confirmation of the delivery coming into the island. I sighed and pulled out the driveway and headed along the freeway with Danno tailing me about five cars back. I managed to get onto the freeway slip road and pulled up at the hard shoulder, his actions were going to cause problems for the delivery and I needed him side-lined for a couple of hours before bringing him into what was going on.

"Danny, did you need me for something?" I asked as I walked up to the car.

"Yeah actually, something I need to ask you?" he replied getting out the car.

I leaned against the hood of the car and slipped off my sunglasses so I could look at him straight in the eye, he didn't look too happy about why I was leaving during a briefing.

"Secret briefings with the State Department, phone calls from the SIIC and several other alphabet departments – what to tell me what is going on?"

I sighed and shook my head slightly.

"Okay, how about I make a phone call to Steve and say that you're acting strange and going off to some secret meeting?" he replied trying to bribe me.

I pulled the knife out of my pocket and stabbed his tyres, he went off his head at me and tried to disarm me; he failed and I had it back in my pocket before he got near me.

"What the hell is wrong with you!" he demanded.

I handed him a strip of paper with an address on it followed by a passcode for an outside gate, he took it and looked back at me with utter confusion on his face.

"Sadie, what the hell is going on?" he demanded.

"Meet me there at 6pm tonight, come alone. I swear it is nothing bad; it's something I have been working on for a while for you, to get things balanced. I have to go; I'm due at Hickam in twenty minutes. Meet me there tonight – do not be late!" I replied.

I walked back to the car and drove off the hard shoulder before he could stop me, heading along the motorway I took the cut off for Hickam and stepped on the gas.

Danno climbed back into the car and called for a recovery, his second call was to Steve who had no idea what was going on; he wasn't even aware of the phone calls and briefings as I had planned them around the psychologist appointments. An hour later the recovery truck arrived and dropped Danno off at HQ; he was met by Steve and they headed into his office.

"I traced her cell, she is at Hickam and then it went dark, GPS disabled. A flight plan was lodged this morning for 12.35pm, no passenger manifest and no cargo details." Danno said passing Steve the tablet computer.

"What the hell is she involved in now? She hasn't mentioned this to me at all and a sudden flight with no warning?" Steve replied looking over the details.

"This couldn't be military related – something to do with Thompson and the task force?" he sighed sitting on the chair.

"No, I would have been brought in on it if it was and the task force are deployed overseas at the moment so that issue is secondary protocol; neither of us will get any information from Hickam or her until this is dealt with – did she do or say anything else before leaving?" Steve replied to the obvious question.

"Well she slashed my tyres and told me to meet her at 6pm at this address – mind me to hide her knives when she comes near my car!"

"She slashed your tyres! Well, that explains the two spare in your office that got delivered earlier on." He replied shaking his head.

Danno looked across the room and spotted them against the wall ready for him to change onto the car; he sighed and collapsed back onto the chair.

"Best thing to do is meet up with her tonight, and then we'll get some answers!" Steve replied.

I parked up at the hanger entrance and headed over to the group of men, I saluted to them and headed inside with a nod from the Commander and got changed into combats and tactical vest. I slid my phone, ID and badge into a locker and tied my hair up into a bun and put it under the cap. Heading back outside to meet the rest of the squad assembled, we went over the basic details of the pickup and personal duties involved. I was there as escort and protection detail as required and the individual would be placed into my custody on entry to the plane on take-off. Nodding and agreeing to the issues we could come against, we climbed aboard the jet and headed off to the runway.

I had left O'ahu at 9am this morning and a lot had happened in the eight hours since we left. We thankfully had taken minimum casualties and the package was safe and secure on the chair opposite me, he was out cold from taking a knock to the head after he freaked out a little under rescue. We were alerted that we were coming into approach to Hickam and I leaned across to wake up our passenger; he stirred as I snapped the vial of salts under his nose.

"Wake up sleepy, you have people waiting to see you shortly!" I said handing him a cup of water and some painkillers.

He stirred and stretched, wincing as his shoulder clicked in its sling. I had found him strapped in a room and administered basic first aid so we could move him, dislocated collarbones are a real pain, but should heal up within a couple of weeks. He looked at me and jumped as he realised I was a woman.

"You were the one….marine?" he said righting himself on the chair.

"Not quite, we have people in common who we will be seeing in a short while." I replied smiling.

"Why did you come for me? I was at peace with what was going to happen after I confessed to the embassy and was captured again – why the risk of death with a thief?"

"Your choice of business partners had something I wanted - so we took them out and dealt with two birds at the same time. How do you feel?" I replied indicating his arm.

"A lot better considering where you found me, now my concern is which jail you're going to send me too for trial proceedings?" he replied taking the meds.

"Your case has been dropped, all action has been suspended and cleared and all missing monies have been repaid through the market. You knew what would happen when you left Hawaii, why not come clean?" I replied clipping my seatbelt on as we descended.

"To protect my family, to protect my investors from the nightmare I was in – if I got caught then it would end with me," he whispered.

I nodded in reply and we sat in silence as we finally touched down at Hickam again and the other members of the squad disembarked silently. I wrapped my hair up again in my cap and helped the man up from his chair, giving him my support as he was wobbly. He suddenly stopped before we got to the door and turned to face me.

"Why do I feel like I'm going to meet my maker in a minute?" he garbled out.

I smiled and laughed gently at the thought as I officially took custody of him.

"It's not the almighty you're going to meet Matt, I'm taking you to see your brother – I work with him at Five-O." I replied as I looked at him.

"You're a member of the task force? Why didn't you say anything before? What's your name? Does Danny know anything?" he demanded.

"My name is Sarah McGregor; I'm a Corporal in the army and a member of the task force under Steve and Danny. He is unaware of what has happened and it's my research that found you. We're going to meet him at 6pm at a safe house – we need to go to get there in time!" I replied as he looked dumfounded.

We walked to the top of the stairs and headed down the ramp to make it easier for him to get back onto home ground, everyone else has left the area and I directed him in the direction of the parked car at the side of the hanger. Getting him to slide in was easy since it was a car with plenty of leg room; the problem was I was being watched from an unmarked car across the lot. I jumped into the driver's side and pulled out my space and headed through the checkpoint and onto the freeway towards the centre of Pearl. The unmarked van was following us, but I had a suspicion that it was a friendly stalker and no action would be needed.

"How did you find me?" Matt asked as we cleared the first set of lights and headed into a built up area.

"Money trail from the FBI and SIIC went cold in Singapore after you left last year, I managed to trace accounts from suspects I was looking for with the military and we traced every single penny back to an old warehouse. After a week's worth of studying the accounts, we found out through back tracing that it wasn't you making the withdrawals and deposits." I replied as I kept an eye on the black van following us.

"How could you tell it wasn't me – there was no-one but that one guy with me during the day and the four at night? No cameras, no talkers – how?" he grunted as we passed onto the older road going up the Pali Highway.

"When you were forced to embezzle, you made a series of withdrawals and deposits that were odd then even; they stopped last week. The military caught wind of Intel regarding one of your captors – we decided to go in after them. We have plenty of proof that you were forced into the matter, you don't need to be afraid anymore." I replied looking at him.

"Is that why you sliced him as he attacked you? He did something to you – something that made you afraid?"

I looked at him, he had seen the attack that happened and how I was pinned down under fire while protecting him. I had slipped him under the stairs and grabbed my knife from my back sheath in my vest – I slit the guy's throat from ear to ear and didn't even blink.

I pulled up in front of a bungalow in the woods and after a check of the area I helped him from the car and into the house. It was 5.45pm and after getting Matt cleaned up and letting him shower and change, I made us both a pot of tea and waited on the visitor. The alarm went off at 6pm and I heard the car pull up outside, looking out the window I saw the silver Camaro and single person walk up the pathway. The door knocked and I got Matt to stay put in the bedroom until I was sure it was Danny. I opened the door and his face was priceless – he looked me up and down as I was in black tactical gear and armed to the teeth.

"I knew it! I knew it had something to do with the military!" he said pacing into the house and as I shut the door.

He was looking at what I was wearing; full black combats and boots with thigh holsters and my weapon clipped onto my vest buckle. I don't think he knew how to handle me at the moment and I leaned back against the door slightly.

"Easy Danno, this is simpler than it looks!" I said sighing.

He turned to face me and exploded in a string of swear words and obscenities that had me laughing – typical Italian descendent.

"Please tell me you were not away on some covert mission? Please, for my sanity and Steve's blood pressure! Please tell me that this is just for paintball at night with some friends?"

I looked at him and clipped off my assault rifle, laying them on the table in front of me I handed him a cup of tea and told him to relax.

"You have done a lot for me Danny, and I love you as a brother – so this is my gift back to you. For all the support, crazy ass phone calls and car rides to the shrink to help me get sorted out – this is one thing I could do right!"

"Sadie, what are you talking about? Where the hell where you after Hickam?" he demanded.

He had picked up his phone and swiped it looking for Steve's number on speed dial; I stopped the call and called to the man in the bedroom. Danno stood up and in walked Matt looking a lot cleaner than earlier on. Both brothers looked at each other and then at me.

"Sadie – that's my brother!" Danno whispered to me.

"Yeah, it is. He's been through a lot recently – think he needs a hug from his brother!" I replied smiling.


	25. Chapter 25

I sat outside on the lookout and received about twenty messages from people as I switched my phone back on and came into the signal area, most were from Danny and Steve; some from my shrink, who was going livid that I had disappeared again without a trace. I hit speed dial and smiled when Steve answered, I could hear the city traffic behind him and knew he was close by.

"Sadie where the hell have you been all day?" he demanded.

"Meet us at the barn in twenty minutes, I have some news you're going to want to know," I replied then shut the call down.

I headed back into the house and found the two of them chatting away, I re armed myself and nodded to Danno to help his brother up and into my car before I told him to follow me back to the barn; I would come up via the delivery entrance and needed the area cleared.

Twenty five minutes later we were going up the delivery lift and finally landed back at the barn with time to spare, the governor, Five-O and a few FBI agents were there as expected, along with a representative of the SIIC. I walked beside Matt after giving him a bit of verbal courage in the lift and faced everyone. Steve was standing there with a representative of JSOC and SATO; he was silently pissed – hell I would be too!

After the formal legalities were completed and the governor and SIIC cleared Matt Williams of any wrong doing, he was officially cleared and his record white-boarded; he sagged into a chair with relief and nodded in my direction in thanks. I headed across to the weapons locker and stiffened my back as I spotted Steve following me.

"You are unbelievable," he whispered as he helped me clip off my gear.

"We had to go get him, he was under a death order – I owed Danny that much for everything that he has done for me." I replied.

I was expecting as massive argument – he just let me put away my firearms and then after locking the locker up, he dragged me into his arms and kissed me passionately. I wrapped my arms around his neck and tried climbing up his waist; he pushed me down as he heard Danno and Matt talk about what had happened – he listened in as I clenched my jaw and sighed.

"I just remember being hit across the neck with something heavy then loud noises, bright flashes and lots of red laser pointers in the dark, I was tagged by a green dart then one of them pulls me under cover and lays down weapons fire. Next thing I know is I look up to face a barrel of a shotgun and then she is standing behind the man who has just had his throat cut from ear to ear with a huge knife!"

I had run through and tried to stop him from talking anymore before I had time to inform the team of what we had discovered and led us up to this moment and Matt's recovery. Danno just looked at me, I still had my vest on and he pulled me around to find my knife in its sheath along the length of my spine.

"Danno, what is done is done – the main thing is Matt is fine and can start his life back up." I said as I turned back round again.

"You sliced someone from ear to ear – how do you expect me to react to that news Sadie? I know you as a compassionate woman, a medic and soldier – not some butcher!" he hissed at me.

"Back off Daniel – you have no right to judge me and what I had to do in the situation." I hissed back at him.

Steve split us up and I headed over to grab some air from the window as Danno paced his side of the room and blew off some steam.

"I can't thank you enough for what you did for me, you and your team rescued me and brought me back to my family; for that I am always grateful. My main surprise was you were a woman, and then that General at Hickam ordering his men to remove the body for storage – why did you bring the body anyway?" Matt inquired.

Again – what was with the Williams brothers having no censer?

"Body, I thought you said there were no fatalities?" Kono asked.

"Not from my team," I replied as I headed out the room.

Steve watched me walk out the room and turned back to everyone else.

"Alright guys, let's get Matt checked out at hospital and then comfortable for his stay. Matt, good to see you again – call us if you need anything or if there is any problems." Steve said as he followed me out.

I had headed to the car again and was just pulling out when Steve stopped me from leaving; he leaned over and switched off the engine and took the keys from the ignition. My hands were still on the wheel and I was gripping it to keep from snapping at him.

"I…you…..what?" he starts as he leans in through the window.

I look at him and then back at the windscreen, popping the door open I get out and lean against the door once closed, trying everything to keep my personal space clear. I was ready to run, I had scored a notch on the kill book – I wanted to laugh, cry…..be sick.

And I grabbed my stomach and ran across to the garden and emptied my stomach into a bin, thankfully the place was quiet around the staff car park and I would be saved the gossip rumours that normally happened at work. I grabbed the canteen from the belt I had in the back seat and had a few sips of water as I sat back against the car door; Steve joined me and didn't say a thing.

"I got a call two weeks ago from a contact at JSOC; they had a financial trace on Matt and his dealings with some unsavoury characters in Singapore. This morning I got the call for a go ahead to retrieve him as he was discovered to be under duress and his family were thought to have been painted." I whispered before standing up and taking my keys back.

Steve stood up and looked at me; he nodded and took a step back before replying.

"We'll talk about this when we are home, but I want everything – including who you took out across there. You need to go home and relax, go for a hot shower and get rid of the excess adrenaline in your system before you crash. I know you know this already – but if this was the first 'personal' for you – it's going to hit you later on and you're going to need support."

I nodded and within seconds I was on my way home, I knew I had to get rid of the excess adrenaline as it would be impossible to wind down later on if I didn't, but he obviously knew what it was like to deal with a 'personal score' while on active duty. I hit the gas heading along the road and five minutes later pulled up outside the house and parked in the driveway. I grabbed the mail and walked into the house and to the downstairs office we set up for any work we were bringing home and for the storage of the on-going case of Wo Fat. I switched on the laptop and logged into the secure VOIP and the JSOC servers and clicked on the folders from my files. The camera files for today were already organised and I sent them to the secure pen drive I attached to the USB. Logging out of the server, I shut everything off and headed upstairs for a long hot shower.

A couple of hours later I heard the SUV pull up outside, I had just got changed as Steve was taking me out for dinner tonight and we were going for a chat about the day's events. He seemed perfectly cordial when he came in, no issues what so ever – then he snapped quicker than a sale at a chocolate factory!

"What in the name of all things holy where you thinking?" he yelled at me.

"I was doing my job!" I yelled back.

"You swore to me that you would never get involved with that kind of operation again without serious consideration from me. That's all I ask from you – why do you need to keep on proving the point to me that you can do as well as me?" he demanded.

I looked at him and laughed, he had just suggested that I was trying to prove I could still be an active operator – I loved this job, loved being part of the reserve forces – I sure as hell didn't want to deal with this crap if I could help it!

"We agreed that if any information was found we would be contacted and one of us would join the operation. You had duties to perform today, several depositions to give – so I went instead." I replied.

"You should have let me know, the depositions could have waited a few hours for this – you put yourself into harm's way again Sadie – how the hell am I meant to trust you if you keep going behind my back!" he demanded.

"I know you still think I am made from eggshells, and in some ways I probably am – but don't you ever dare think less of my abilities and training. Just because I am female and have been through a shit load of issues, it doesn't mean that I am less capable than you. I went through the same training and passed; I went through the same field exams and passed. The only roles that are different between us is that you worked the other side and I patched them up!" I hissed back at him.

I threw my purse onto the couch and headed upstairs to get changed out of this stupid dress I was wearing for dinner. I tugged on my combats and top and laced up my boots before slamming clothes in my bag and grabbing my firearm, badge and ID. I headed back downstairs and was stopped by Steve before I could grab my car keys.

"Where you going huh; where are you running to this time?"

I didn't answer him and dodged his grip as he tried to trap me in the corner of the room; I bounced over the chair and headed towards the back door and the beach. He followed me out and dragged me back inside and slammed the doors shut.

"Where are you running to Sadie? I know you're not telling me something and you know I only want to help – is it the body you brought back? Was it a member of the team you left with? Was it a victim?" he demanded as he gripped my shoulders and shook me.

I smacked my palms off his lower ribs and he released me to suck in a deep breath, he would be fine – it's a good trick to get out of a hold as they can't breathe. I stepped backwards to the door and grabbed my keys from the floor.

"If you must know the body we brought back was Ross Mitchell," I replied.

Steve had recovered from the shock tactic and looked at me with wide eyes, he immediately placed the name as a member of Bravofourniner and was stunned to realise what the take down now involved.

"Mitchell, he's your kill?" he whispered.

"Yeah, he is my first name off my list. What I did to him seven hours ago was a blessing and painless. What he did to me three years ago, that is unforgivable and by some small miracle I managed to feel something for him and ended it quickly." I said back through clenched teeth.

"You shouldn't have killed him – don't you remember on the beach that day – told you never to shoot someone you hate – it can destroy you once you come to terms with what you have done!" he replied looking hurt.

I looked back up at him and smirked as I opened the door.

"I didn't shoot him Steve – I cut his throat and bled him dry."

I walked down the path and started towards the car, my hands were shaking and I was losing concentration really quickly.

I jumped into the car and drove off at speed towards the only place I knew I could go to get the episode out of the way. I slammed the speed on and hit the Pali highway, I was heading towards the old bungalow – it was remote enough for me to get everything out, but close enough to civilisation if I needed help. Ten minutes at the maximum speed possible up the old dirt road, I stopped outside the bungalow and ran inside; the door slammed closed and I burst out in tears and frustration as I slid down the back of the door and had a complete emotional breakdown.


	26. Chapter 26

Someone pounded the door hours later; I got off the floor and dried my face as best as I could, I didn't bring my phone with me for the obvious reasons that they would trace me and come and help. This was the worst I had been in over a year now, personal vengeance is seemingly a negative trigger like they said – just didn't realise how draining it was. I looked through the peep hole in the door and stood back, it was a member of the team from this morning.

"Sergeant, what can I do for you?" I asked hoarsely.

He handed me an ID badge and a small envelope that I took and looked back at him, he nodded and passed me another small package that was labelled.

"You're not the only one who has problems afterwards – that will help. 0500 hours on Thursday." He replied and then walked away.

I looked at the packages and found a bottle with my meds in it and a black patch with white skull and bones etched on the centre. A death head for the first kill, handed within teams to those who make the shot count. I closed the door and sank onto the couch and pulled the blanket over me; I popped the pills and drank the soda I had and closed my eyes.

Steve had seen the effects of what a tactical operation can do to people with PTS, and he sure as hell knew what I was like when my brain was wired up – he made a call to HQ and told them to he was going to be away for the next couple of days due to personal business on the island. His second call he made was to Joe, he paced about the place as he waiting on him picking up; the doorbell went and as he opened the door – Joe was standing there.

"Need my help son?" he said as he walked into the house.

"You hear about the operation?" he demanded.

Joe turned around and leaned against the cabinet, he nodded and watched as Steve paced about the place again.

"Could you not have called me and saved her going through the emotional crap again? Could you not have called me Joe!" he yelled furious.

"She is a tactical operator – she knew what was going down in the mission and she chose to do what she did. If she is an emotional wreck, then its only her actions that have caused it. She made the decision to join the training programme – no one else!" he replied calmly.

"Joe she has Post Traumatic – you are aware of what those bastards did to her, what they forced her to do! She held onto everything she is for as long as possible, and then she crashed. We picked her up again, helped her sort things out, start a new life – the possibility of a family!"

Joe watched Steve pace the room, he didn't like what he saw and frowned as he watched his adopted son stress out over a woman.

"I'm now wondering if she has been a really bad influence on you son? You were always the calm one, the rational headed leader – what's caused you to become so attached? I thought she was just a friend with benefit….." Joe started.

Steve slammed him against the doorframe; Joe stood still knowing he would not be injured. He watched Steve's body language change and get back into control as he realised that Joe had been purposely edging him to the issue.

"It's pretty obvious that you two are serious, I am surprised marriage hasn't happened yet. She is a wonderful woman Steve and I like her – reminds me of my old trainer at Coronado many years ago – he was a tough SOB. The main issue you both have is that your trained to the teeth and don't know how to deal with what's happened in your past. She runs due to her triggers, knowing that if she snaps and has a relapse she could seriously hurt someone she loves – that is probably her greatest fear. You on the other hand, you haven't dealt with your father's death. You were on the phone with Hess when he executed your father – that is instinctual rage you have bottled up and it is making its way to the surface. You both need justice and revenge – that is the only way you are going to be able to move on and deal with the minor issues!"

Steve sat on the couch and cracked his knuckles in frustration; he knew Joe was right and it irritated the living hell out of him. Joe came to stand beside him and held out his hand.

"Come on, grab some clothes and I'll take you to her, she is being monitored by the team from this morning – she is alright, but they doped her and she is sleeping. You two need some downtime until Thursday, and then I will give you the answers that we have alright?" Joe replied.

Steve nodded and grabbing some clothes, headed out the house with Joe and climbed into his SUV.

Twenty minutes later they arrived outside the bungalow and were met by a member of the team from this morning. The CO gave them a quick update of what had happened and where I was in the house. Steve had been sure I had a really bad relapse and they had doped me to be transported to a psych evaluation, but they shook their heads and pulled him to the side.

"Commander, I have worked with her before and I am well aware of what has happened in her past. She hasn't had a relapse, she is in shock from what she realised she was capable of in the heat of the moment. She went from medic to operative in a split second; we all feel like this after an operation – unfortunately she got a personal dose of retribution today and her brain needs to work it out. She will be fine, but she needs to remember every detail and come to terms with her training and what she is capable of in the moment."

Steve nodded and shook his hand; they informed them both that the team would be close by until Thursday and they went to the morgue to see the results of my training. Steve headed up the stairs and went inside the house; he headed to the bedroom and found me lying on top of the sheets with a blanket over me. He climbed on the bed behind me and pulled me to him as he brushed my hair out my face, I was out cold from the tranquilizers I was dosed with and didn't feel a thing as he held me through the night.

I woke up from my nightmare in a cold sweat. I looked at the man beside me and smiled; he was fast asleep and hadn't felt me snap awake. I remembered everything, every sound, smell and action we took yesterday morning and my subconscious must have processed it all last night as I was sleeping. I took a few deep breaths and said a quick prayer for him as I let him go from my internal demons. He couldn't hurt me anymore, he gave me what I needed to trace the others – he died quickly.

I sat up on the bed and felt Steve wake up, I turned to him and smiled as he looked at me wide eyed and scared in case I bolted again. I took his hand and snuggled back down with him and kissed him.

"Now I understand the need for the tactical psych evaluation after missions, the emotional crap really does hit you between the eyeballs," I whispered.

"Yeah, it doesn't get easier the more you are activated, but you start to learn coping techniques with you team. Personally I train and then go talk with the shrink – what do you feel like doing?" he replied.

"Talking to the team, thanking them all for everything and then shrink and going to mass. I took a life yesterday in a frame of mind that scared the shit out of me – I forgot how quick I am trained to respond. That's what freaked me out – what caused the outburst. Now I know what it is like, I can handle the feeling and deal with them more calmly and within a secure environment. Was it bad for your first operation?" I replied cuddling up.

He pulled me closer and took a deep breath, I could feel the stress go out of his body little by little, I smiled and took his hands in mine and put them over my heart. He grinned and laid his chin on my shoulder.

"Yeah mine was bad, no blame on you for this Sadie. Let's get some more sleep and then we can speak to the team and get food – I have a feeling we will have a long debrief tomorrow on base?" he replied.

I nodded and closed my eyes.


	27. Chapter 27

After a long hot shower in the morning and a good breakfast, we headed off down the highway back to Pearl, we had decided not to let the others know what was going on for the time being until we knew ourselves; pulling up to the security check point, we both showed our passes and parked up outside JSOC's building and followed the signs down to the morgue. I stepped inside and found the rest of the team standing there with the ME and Joe White. They started with the briefing and uncovered the main details for Steve to follow as we watched the replay of what was going on via the headset recorders. The last ten seconds of video was of me as the other team member watched my back as I moved in the darkness. They recorded me sneaking up behind Mitchell and after whispering something to him and him replying, I sliced his throat and dropped him.

The lights came back on and I clenched my jaw, waiting for the avalanche to hit us from the brass in the room.

"And that moment brings us on to my job as evaluator for the mission. It was successful, but I have serious concern for your actions Corporal McGregor. I am aware you received carte blanche when it comes to your old trainers, but this wound was vicious and very unlike the other methods you could have used." The XO replied lifting the sheet from the body.

"My knife was easiest to get to, I used it with full authority," I replied.

"Did you mean to nearly decapitate him?" he stated blankly.

I looked at him and then the red line around Mitchell's neck. I knew I had cut his windpipe with the resistance I felt through the handle of the knife, but I didn't realise I had hit bone too.

"Your wound went three inches into his neck, severed his windpipe and spinal cord before nicking the side of his vertebrae. That's a calculated move and one that is not taught anymore, how did you learn it?"

I snapped my eyes up and flashed back to the memories of training with Thompson and the team, they were taking turns to come up behind me and I had to disarm then disable with whatever means I had. I had surprised them by using an old climbing technique that allowed me to flip around and disable them within seconds – I just adapted it.

"Someone taught me the technique a couple of years ago." I replied.

An hour or so later we walked back out into fresh air and since we were on our own time, we decided to head to Pearl Harbour for that long awaited tour we promised ourselves. I let Steve drive us as my mind was on other things at the moment and I was still a little dopy from the sedatives they had given me in the soda. He parked up near the harbour and dragged me over to get something to eat at a trailer close to the surf, I sat on the bench and just looked out into the sea, I think I was still processing everything that had happened and that was the reason I couldn't feel anything at the moment. Steve came back over with a couple bottles of water and a box of jambalaya for us both. He passed my stuff over and sat beside me on the bench before tucking into his own food.

"You need to eat Sadie, the meds aren't going to be digested properly without food and you haven't eaten in over 24 hours." He whispered looking at me.

"Don't really have an appetite at the moment," I replied.

The briefing had been routine as far as I was aware, at least in terms that it was my first operational briefing in a year or so and I had stunned the squad with a few of my tactics I had been taught. Then the shocker of me nearly decapitates someone with enough hidden venom that could have led to a manslaughter charge against me if they weren't aware of what Mitchell and his team had done to me.

"Sadie, come on – I have orders to take you back to the medical centre if you don't start eating – your meds won't work right if you don't eat!" he whispered as he handed me the container.

I looked at him then took the box and bottle of water – I was nowhere near hungry, but humoured him as I took a few small bites and sucked it up as it threatened to come back up violently. Ten minutes later I was huddled on the bench overlooking the harbour and Steve came back with another bottle of water and two tickets for us to go to the Arizona Memorial and the Missouri battleship. I had put away the trash and cleaned up and headed up to meet him as he walked down the small ramp towards me.

"Ready to go, or do you want to do this another time?" he asked taking my body language into consideration.

"I'm good – could use a change of scenery and you wanted to lay a wreath – lets go pay our respects!" I said back.

He nodded and we made our way along the boardwalk and towards the queue that was always busy for the memorial, Steve signalled to an older gentleman who came over and shook his hand and was introduced to me.

"Corporal Sarah McGregor, this is Ret. Captain John Grayson – he is the curator of the Missouri and tour guide for today. John, this is our newest member of Five-O." he said introducing us.

I shook his hand and smiled as he made a comment only a SEAL could make about another SEAL's woman, he instantly clocked my body language and threw his hands out to catch me before I wobbled over the knee knockers and landed on my face.

"Easy Corporal – you must be army and not navy!" he said as he righted me.

I straightened up and smiled at the comment, it was a very old joke for army soldiers not to have their sea legs so quickly.

"Sea legs are not an issue for me John, cocky remarks from two Buds are!"

He looked at me and started laughing, he patted me on the shoulder and I grinned at him while internally holding onto my balance by my fingernails. Steve looked at me and knew I wasn't 100%, but I sure as hell was not going back to the hospital if I could help it!

John was wonderful with his tour and he gave us full details of its crew compliment, activities on board and the various roles the Missouri had during the Second World War. He knew the history of all the people intimately, served and grieved over them and still remembered jokes played on the new crew as they were welcomed onto the ship. We headed off to the Arizona twenty minutes later and as I stood on the viewing platform I could imagine the terror of the people below me as they realised their fate. I lay the wreath I had made that morning from the flowers in the backyard, very simple but represented everything for those who were entombed below us. I stood back up and saluted to the men below us with John and Steve beside me. I turned around and froze. The man opposite me smiled and blew me a kiss before he pulled out a CS canister and set it off in the middle of the crowd. I sucked in some fresh air and charged through the confused screaming crowd after him.

"SADIE!" shouted John and Steve at the same time.

I drew my weapon and slammed into a wall that I forgot was there, I pulled out the shard of metal that must have been driven into my shoulder from the CS gas canister and pulled the partition open and saw the man run across the barrier and dive into the water. I pushed through the crowd and slammed into the barrier protecting the visitors from the sea – it was over a thirty foot drop and a protected environment. The man had turned around in the sea and saluted to me – that was the final straw!

I climbed the barrier and as I stiffened my spine I dropped over after a jump and braced for impact. As I whistled down into the water I heard two men shout my name and heard the police sirens and fire crews that were alerted by the smoke alarms. I hit the water and kicked off into a full butterfly stroke to catch up with the attacker; I breached the surface and clocked Steve and John running along the boardwalk to try and catch up with the man on dry land. I forced myself to swim faster and finally hit dry land – the man had disappeared, but had left a calling card nailed to the closest tree by a knife. I climbed out the water and pulled it off the tree – it was a note from Thompson.

'A brother for a cousin, you made him pay for his part in your capture and now we will make you pay for killing him. SYOTOS'

I let my hand fall to my side and let the gasp of air escape me; I was exhausted and still too weak after this first mission – how the hell was I mean to protect the team if I was this tired? I knew the issue was because of the PTS, I knew that my strength would return once the meds kicked into a regular pattern and things settled down within a few days – I just had to train harder and longer to get myself into combat fitness. I thought about contacting the CO at Pearl and re-joining for basic training again, to re-do everything from the start and learn any new techniques that were being taught to the new recruits; but there was a huge issue with Steve if he figured it out.

My shoulder was stinging like crazy; I looked across at it and saw the wires sticking out the wound. My training kicked in immediately – I knew what it was and quickly pulled it out and saw the small cap on it – I swung it into the sea and looked away as the blasting pin exploded in the surf. I landed on my knees and leaned against the tree trunk as I checked the wound – it was clean from the swim, about the size of a crayon and about as deep – son of a bitch shot me with a blasting pin! I leaned my head against the tree trunk and laughed. I figured it out – how they are manipulating me to become such a weak pathetic mess. They are playing on my maternal instincts that were drummed out of me during training – they were seen as a weakness as was my medical compassion for everyone. I had always seen it as a weakness recently; but it was the complete opposite. It was one of my greatest strengths. My blood quickens during action and spilt blood; the sight of it gives me adrenaline rushes and the power to ensure that I can stop anymore from being spilled. I am a hunter, women who can both be compassionate to all, but also lethal – I had to accept that, to accept my choices I had made with the training and my life. I was an equal to them – trained by them – loved by them – and I chose to live my life according to my own code and I chose my own lover – someone who was not one of them – that is what drove them nuts – they all wanted me – well they wouldn't and couldn't have me.


	28. Chapter 28

I was rudely shaken awake; I blinked and looked up at the paramedic who had an oxygen mask over my face as I lay on the beach, I blinked again and instinct kicked in as I jack-knifed off the sand and stood up shaking the sand out my eyes; my legs were shaky as hell and I was disorientated, but otherwise perfectly fine. A voice called to me and I spun around to face Steve who was running across to me from where HPD were talking to John and Chin who must have been alerted to what was going on down in the memorial. I flexed my right arm and immediately wished I hadn't – I looked down at it and found my whole right side was covered in blood from the dime sized hole the blasting cap had made. I looked up at Steve and my knee's given away as the lack of blood was struggling to pump up to my brain – or was it the meds causing the headache? The paramedic rushed over to me within seconds and re-applied pressure onto my shoulder and put the mask back on, I nodded to their orders to stay still and if I wanted some painkillers. I told them about the meds I was on and they adjusted the painkillers so there wouldn't be any issues when they mixed. Steve knelt beside me and his face was not that pleased.

"I should have just taken you home when you said you weren't hungry! Why the hell did you chase after him?"

"Instinct to catch and kill the son of a bitch boss – sorry!" I replied wincing.

He leaned back on one foot and rubbed his face with his hands, the stretcher was brought over and after getting strapped onto it, I was loaded into the military ambulance and taken to the base hospital for some stitches and a dose of antibiotics; Kono was to follow in her car and take me back to the office after I was cleaned up.

Two hours later after getting fully checked out, yelled at by a CO and then glared at by a member of the team I went to Singapore with – I was let go with strict instructions to stop going after the bastards by myself. I walked out the Infirmary and found Kono beside the car with a bag of clean clothes; I grabbed it and went and got changed quickly and headed back out.

"How's the arm?" she inquired getting into the driver's seat.

"I got shot with a blasting pin, if I didn't notice the defect then I would be missing a chunk of my arm and would be permanently out of action. Apart from that it's a small wound that will take a couple of weeks to heal but no major damage," I replied.

She pulled the car in to the side of the road all of a sudden and turned around to face me; she looked like she was going to pop a gasket!

"I have to ask, and for the love of all things that are holy to you – answer me straight! DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH?"

I looked at her and blinked at the venom coming out of her.

"Of course I don't have a death wish Kono, and I apologise if that is the way my actions are coming across to everyone. You know the training I have; you know the history I have because of these men. Do you think for one moment that I would risk anyone else's life to get these men?" I said calmly back.

"No, but you take too many risks and you have been hurt too many times – Steve is on edge every day and it is really noticeable – you need to talk to him, get all the information into the open and find out how to deal with it. In the 18 months that you have been here you have nearly died six times, been in hospital due to complications more times that I have fingers and then disappeared on several occasions. We all worry about you, your our family and we look after our own!" she replied.

I took a deep breath in and sighed; she was speaking the truth and she was scared herself – we had become close like sisters and always felt like we could be honest with each other. I looked at her and then nodded.

"Kono I am so sorry for putting everyone through this crap; it was the last thing on my mind and when I moved here I never thought this would follow me – it was a hidden part of me that should never have been revealed until I was ready. They forced me to reveal everything too soon; I wasn't prepared for the backlash and emotional fallout of everything. It took me awhile to figure out why it was affecting me so badly – why I was constantly turning into a mess every time they contacted me!"

"What did you figure out?" she whispered.

"The training eliminates compassion and empathy for those who you are about to kill; you have one job to do – take the target out and ensure they are dead. It's a skill that you must learn to be successful in CovertOps – you have probably noticed the different persona that Steve takes on during takedowns? You can't be successful and stay sane if you feel sorry for your target, that's why the board originally thought I would fail the training," I replied.

She leaned back against the seat and looked out the windscreen for a moment before turning back to me – she had clicked with the meaning.

"They thought you would fail because as a nurse you are one of the most compassionate members of a squad. You use the compassion and empathy for the others benefit – to show them that they are loved and being care for!"

I nodded and stretched my fingers on the grip they had inserted into the cast; it was now irritating the crap out of me and I wanted it off.

"I need to embrace my other half basically – learn to separate the two sides of my personality and come to terms with what I am trained to do. To go from medic to TO in a split second is one hell of a change – that's what screwed me up after getting Matt back home. But I think I have it figured out now, how to keep myself from going crazy, but remain in control," I replied.

"How?" she asked.

"Embrace the horror, deal with the aftermath and move on – in other words I need to develop a switch with better controls – and that means going back to where I trained." I replied.

She looked at me and then shook her head as she realised that I meant I had to go back to Afghanistan – that was going to cause problems!

"Okay – I think I can vote for Steve on this one when that idea is vetoed! Go back to a live war zone – possibly get shot at and even possibly meet up with unfriendly combatants? No – out of the question!" she yelled at me.

When she was on her rant I slipped out the syringe I had hidden down my cast; it was filled with a powerful sedative that would knock her out for a few hours – enough time for me to get back to the base and speak to a few people. She finished her rant and looked at me and the way I was sitting, I was facing her in the seat and I sighed. She looked down as I pulled out the syringe and then suddenly looked back at me in horror.

"I love everyone here – tell him I am sorry and I need to do this for me; he has to understand the reason." I whispered.

She looked at me and took my hand as she sighed and leaned back against the seat and I opened the door and headed around to get her out of the car and onto the bench beside the shoreline. I clicked on her phone and made sure the GPS was on so they could find her without any issues and then headed back over to check on her vitals as she slipped deeper into the thrall of the drug.

"Be safe," she whispered as she fell unconscious.

I stood up and after a moment I headed back to the car and spun it around back towards the base; I needed to find my old CO and make a massive request that would probably send him nuts – but it was urgent business that I had to deal with and needed permission and support from a team over there.


	29. Chapter 29

Two hours later I was in the USAF stores unit grabbing what I needed and handing everything over that could identify me – I was issued with my tags again and headed over to the armoury with the Master Chief to load up what was required. He was surprised to see me again and even more surprised to see the shopping list I had on me; but as a true marine he never said a word and let me shop as I needed.

An hour after meeting up with the squad from Singapore I was suited and booted and waiting on a briefing on where we were going first and what had been arranged for us in Afghanistan. I double checked all my bags and had people recheck them for me as I did for them, we couldn't afford any mistakes and forget something we may need. The CO came in and pulled me to one side for a moment to inform me of news he just received.

"Your teammate has just been found and has been transported to hospital, they are aware you have disappeared again and I have Commander McGarrett on his way. You are going to get a briefing on route if you don't want to see him – you are aware he will want to come after you?"

"I am aware Sir, and please don't let him. I should only be gone a couple of months – if it takes longer than three then I will come home of my own accord." I replied.

We got the call over the intercom and filed out with our gear to the main hanger and the C17 that was ready on the tarmac; I took a deep breath and headed up the ramp and from this vantage point I had a quick look around the area and watched as the sunset over Oahu – a good luck charm.

"We are ready to go Ma'am," said the pilot as he did his last check of the supplies.

"We are cleared as soon as possible Captain, let's get moving!" I replied.

I took the seat and stowed my gear and started to strap myself in, but for some reason I looked out the window and I saw a single figure beside the fence. I instantly knew it was Steve and he had received my video message from this morning.

I thought back to when I did it via my laptop in the car.

_"I need to break my promise to you and I don't expect you to forgive me for it – if you want to move on then live your life without all this hassle!_

_I am heading back to Falcon Base for an Operational Deployment tour for two or three months. I know it's dangerous and I could meet up with a lot of different people out there, but this is for my sanity and for me to work out issues I have that will allow me to physically push myself to my limits._

_I need to recon the route I took from day one to the day I was captured, follow the details, follow my nose and discover what the hell happened in such a remote area. Hopefully I will find out a lot more information than I remember or was provided by ICON reconnaissance satellite – it's a tall order, but you know me – I love a challenge!_

_I have my team with me so I am well protected, I have my training behind me and what you taught me as well. I love you, for all your support and understanding through all the shit that's happened – I don't know anyone else stronger who could have supported me. Hopefully after this trip I should be more stable and deserving of your friendship and respect._

_I need to go now and I want you to pass everyone messages from me that I love them and hopefully will see them in a couple of months – tell Kono that her headache will wear off soon – a hot shower and some Advil work wonders!"_

I sat back in my seat and after saying goodbye to him in my head, strapped on my seatbelts and signalled the Captain that we needed to get moving.

The lone figure watched as the C17 took off from the end of the tarmac; he was hanging onto the chain links and had tears running down his face.


	30. Chapter 30

**Four months later**

We were hitting the turbulence coming over the Pacific Ocean and I had to re-strap some of the cargo so they wouldn't bounce around the hold so much. I checked with the pilot on how long it would be until touchdown – thankfully within 3 minutes as I felt the drop in altitude through the turbulence. I signalled to everyone to strap themselves in and after doing the same with myself, felt the smoothing out of the air currents as we came into land at Hickam AFB. As the C17 came into stop position; I grabbed my gear and stood with my team at the top of the ramp and flinched as the ramp dropped and we hit the very early morning light coming in via the ramp space. We snapped to attention as the CO came up the ramp along with the staff from the medical unit we had requested. They took off the couple of injured members we had and also the four steel coffins of the fallen and got them loaded onto the back of the truck for delivery to Tripler Hospital. The CO came up to me and nodded for everyone to get inside and meet up in the briefing room before going home.

"It's good to see you Lieutenant – any issues on your business trip?"

"None sir – all business concluded apart from one small detail that someone else is taking care of for me. No injuries to report and fighting fit!" I replied.

We walked down the ramp and into the hanger where I grabbed a bottle of water and proceeded into the meeting room. It was a couple of hours later on that I left that room and headed for a shower and change of clothes; they had laundered my cargo pants and top from the last day and provided fresh linen as required – thank god for small mercies!

After getting cleaned up I checked in my on base mail and noticed a letter dated from every day I was away; they were all attached together by an elastic band and I grabbed them as I grabbed all my other personal objects such as my police ID and shield, personal firearm and phone – grabbing my car keys I headed to the car lot and ten minutes later I was on the highway going towards the house. I was starving and popped into the local bakery that was opened really early for delivery from its suppliers; grabbing some treats I headed along the road again and within twenty minutes parked up just down from the house. It was still really early in the morning, 4.39am and I didn't want to wake Steve up.

I headed round the back garden and taking off my shoes and rolling up my trouser legs, I leaned back in the chair and watched the rest of the sunrise over the beach. It was a couple of hours later that I heard the backdoor slide open and the soft footfalls on the sand; I was sitting in the seats that were shaded and the man didn't notice me as he passed and went into the water. I smiled as dove into the waves and started to do his laps of the area; it was always fun to watch him swim as he was part fish like me. I went back and put my socks and shoes back on in case he had company – that image just sent a pain through my chest – but I gave him full immunity if he wanted to date someone else if I was too much trouble. I saw he was on his final lap and stood in the light so he would see me as he left the water and hopefully be glad to see me back. He shook himself off and stretched his arms and legs in the surf as he ruffled his hair – it had got slightly longer and he suited it.

He looked up and stopped dead as he clocked me.

He looked me up and down; I was leaner and fitter after the environmental change and forced exercises on a daily basis. I had no relapses after a night-time mission where we took our two parties that were hostiles. I had been given a clean bill of health and suffered no issues what so ever whilst doing my job. Seems the training the guys put me through worked wonders.

"Sadie," he said as stood there.

"Hey Steve – how's the water?" I said smiling, unsure how to ask a vital question.

He moved closer to me and I handed him his towel to get the water off his face, my heart leapt as he touched my hand and we felt that strange electrical shock going through us both.

"It's….I…." he started as he looked at me.

I was suddenly in his arms, he had moved that quickly that I had no time to respond to the manoeuvre – we landed on the sand and he brushed the sand off my face as he kissed me hard, wrapping his arms around me, pinning me beneath him.

"Not here, inside now!" he hissed.

He let me up and pulled me inside and dragged me upstairs, he stripped me quickly and dried himself off a little before pinning me to the bed, I stroked his face and smoothed the frown lines; he leaned in for a deep kiss and I gasped as his mouth went lower and lower.

"When did you get back?" he inquired much later on.

"Early this morning, no casualties from our party, but I a lot of business done while I was over there and I am now clear of any PTS – seems my idea worked!" I replied sitting up in the bed.

"I would have gone with you, supported your decision if you had told me the details. I thought about this idea myself!" he whispered.

I turned to him and smiled; I knew he had thought about it but it was safer for me and my sanity that I did this myself – that and Oahu needed its fearless Commander to defend it from crime. He suddenly sat up and grinned at me before pulling me back down onto the mattress and pulling me into a cuddle as well fell asleep again.

Several hours later, and several messages and voicemails later on, we had to get up and organise ourselves for heading to the office. We washed up and got changed into fresh clothes before grabbing some food and heading towards the office in our separate vehicles, I rolled the window down and played loud music going down the highway as I relaxed slightly as I watched everyone enjoy their day in paradise. I turned down the sound and rolled the windows up as I pulled into the parking and turned off the engine. Heading up the main stairs I clocked in and looked about the place to see if anyone else was about the area; I didn't see anyone so headed into the main area and into my office. I clocked them all in the kitchen and headed out to the main corridor to greet them. They all turned around and I grinned as they all charged at me and passed me around for hugs and to make sure I was alright.

"I'm alright guys – seriously no issues – I am so glad to see everyone!" I said laughing as I cried.

"Why did you do it you crazy ass….." Danno asked as he hugged me again.

"To put demons to sleep, and to finish some business on my terms." I replied.

"What business?" Chin asked.

"I got them; I got the sons of bitches. Their bodies are in Tripler Hospital morgue and another SEAL unit are dealing with Thompson," I replied.

Even Steve stopped in his tracks, I hadn't told him the best news and he was stunned – not surprised – but physically stunned.

"Bravo squad – you got them all?" he whispered.

"Yeah – another unit are dealing with Thompson at a secure location – they will contact me once he is in custody and you can deal with him as you see fit. It's not the final chapter but it's a good chunk of the book dealt with and it means that from today – I can have a clean slate!" I replied back smiling.

Much later on that night Steve and me were walking along the beach after a long day in the office; we had settled old scores and talked at length about future plans, hopes and dreams. We agreed to take it easy for a little while, get our momentum back from a hectic few months and regain solid ground before we kicked off any major lifestyle changes – that and Steve was due to do his reserve drill within the next month and it was already booked via Pearl. We walked along the beach and stopped as we had arrived at the bar where the rest of the gang were waiting for us to celebrate my return and to the future of Five-O – that was well overdue for a drink!


End file.
